Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended

[Siggy_lxvi]

Oh, God. This isn't a wedding story, yet, but more the trainwreck that is my current housemate's life.

At the beginning of April, I moved into my current house with some people I had met in a hurry because life had happened all over my shoes and moving fast was a necessity (in the middle of a semester, mind). As I'm moving in, the girl who's around most often makes some comments about wedding plans. It seems that about two months before I met her, she'd met a soldier at the bar who was imminent for being shipped to Afghanistan. He'd spent the night calling her his "wife" and saying they'd gotten married in Vegas by Elvis.

Fast-forward to April, and they're planning to fly to Vegas (with friends) and have Elvis marry them. Soldier-boy is, at this point, mere weeks from going to Afghanistan. Apparently, however, last minute flights to Vegas aren't really all that cheap, and finals week is fast approaching for my housemate and all her college-age friends. Not to mention that Solider-boy isn't acting all that keen on actually getting married. (My armchair psychiatric opinion: he's Catholic and a soldier being faced with his own mortality, combined with being an only son and wants a knocked-up wife before he goes off to war.) I swear the two of them break up and get re-engaged (if you can truly call it engaged without a ring or any real cooperation from the man involved) three times in the first two weeks I know her.

Soon enough, Soldier-boy ships out, and I think I've seen the end of it. NOT SO! Housemate girl is now looking into "getting married over the internet." When she finds out that that's just some website that makes fake little marriages for Junior-High-Schoolers who want to proclaim their undying love, she hears about "marriage through the mail." Which is apparently possible (as marriage-by-proxy), and has become all the rage as we're near a large military base and there's a war on and the soldiers are a bit worried that us smart, handsome Navy-men-turned-Jody at the University are going to steal their girlfriends if they don't marry them fast....

Eventually she becomes convinced that this isn't the best option, however, as it's difficult and requires more paperwork than a simple marriage license, and might actually require her to do something. Then Soldier-boy has a friend die and gets permission to travel back to the States with the body and visit his family. Don't ask me how that works, because I honestly don't know. His family is in Louisiana. He tells the girl not to bother coming to see him as he'll only be there a couple of days.

She doesn't listen and goes to see him, but in the meantime, she's decided she wants a baby, and has gone off her birth control. She comes home from her ill-planned adventure in Louisiana all aglow thinking that she's pregnant. Those of you who know much of anything about reproductive physiology will already know the outcome when I tell you that this girl is 22 and has been on the pill since she was sixteen, and had gone off the pill only long enough to have one period. Of course she's not pregnant. Her body hasn't caught up with the fact that she's stopped taking the pills. It might not do for YEARS yet. But little miss sunshine is prancing around the house for weeks thinking she's got a bun in the oven. She buys home testing kits and uses them daily until she finally goes to a doctor for a full-on test and her fantasy world comes crashing down around her with the news that, no, she's really not pregnant.

That's where things stand right now, though she seems to be planning a wedding for Soldier-boy's mid-deployment leave sometime in December. Thankfully, she's decided to get her own apartment, and will be moving out, so I won't have to see the end of this little fiasco.

[SWTXBelle]

Oh.My.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by Siggy_lxvi

She doesn't listen and goes to see him, but in the meantime, she's decided she wants a baby, and has gone off her birth control. She comes home from her ill-planned adventure in Louisiana all aglow thinking that she's pregnant. Those of you who know much of anything about reproductive physiology will already know the outcome when I tell you that this girl is 22 and has been on the pill since she was sixteen, and had gone off the pill only long enough to have one period. Of course she's not pregnant. Her body hasn't caught up with the fact that she's stopped taking the pills. It might not do for YEARS yet.

Funny story. Just a side comment though. Women are fertile from the minute they go off the pill. It doesn't matter if they've been on the pill for 10 years or 1 month - they're fertile. That's why you hear of women who get pregnant when they screw up and forget to take their pill one day. In fact, from studies I've read, for some reason it's actually easier for women who have been on the pill to get pregnant than women who haven't. Just wanted to throw in that information in case any GCer who is currently on the pill gets freaked out with the thought that she might not be able to have a baby.

Anyhow, your roommate sounds like a very unique person.

[Siggy_lxvi]

Originally Posted by ZTAngel

Funny story. Just a side comment though. Women are fertile from the minute they go off the pill. It doesn't matter if they've been on the pill for 10 years or 1 month - they're fertile. That's why you hear of women who get pregnant when they screw up and forget to take their pill one day. In fact, from studies I've read, for some reason it's actually easier for women who have been on the pill to get pregnant than women who haven't. Just wanted to throw in that information in case any GCer who is currently on the pill gets freaked out with the thought that she might not be able to have a baby.

Hate to be a pain about this, but you're wrong. A woman is not automatically fertile the moment she stops taking the pill, and it's ridiculous to say she is, otherwise, rather than having a period during those seven days you're taking the sugar pills, you'd be getting pregnant. Sometimes it's as little as one day, sometimes it takes weeks or months. Sometimes a woman who stops taking the pill because she's trying to have a baby will have to actually take a few doses a couple of months down the road to "kick start" her reproductive system into ovulating properly again. (This is what often happens when a woman 'skips' a pill and gets knocked up: she's dropped the hormone level, then given it a little kick, and her system shoots out an egg.) I have numerous family members in professions related to reproductive physiology (not all of them HUMAN reproductive physiology I admit), have worked in one myself, and we ALL like to talk shop.

It always amuses me when I meet a woman who knows less about her ovaries than I do.

[ZTAngel]

Originally Posted by Siggy_lxvi

Hate to be a pain about this, but you're wrong. A woman is not automatically fertile the moment she stops taking the pill, and it's ridiculous to say she is, otherwise, rather than having a period during those seven days you're taking the sugar pills, you'd be getting pregnant. Sometimes it's as little as one day, sometimes it takes weeks or months. Sometimes a woman who stops taking the pill because she's trying to have a baby will have to actually take a few doses a couple of months down the road to "kick start" her reproductive system into ovulating properly again. (This is what often happens when a woman 'skips' a pill and gets knocked up: she's dropped the hormone level, then given it a little kick, and her system shoots out an egg.) I have numerous family members in professions related to reproductive physiology (not all of them HUMAN reproductive physiology I admit), have worked in one myself, and we ALL like to talk shop.

It always amuses me when I meet a woman who knows less about her ovaries than I do.

WebMD: http://www.webmd.com/content/article/75/89898.htm

It says it "could" take up to two months but then another doctor states further down "Stopping the pill? Right away." In other words, women can get pregnant right away. I had stated a woman can get pregnant right after going off the pill because you said it wasn't possible in your original post. Then you said in your most recent post "sometimes it's as little as one day"..... So why are you disagreeing with me then? And I get the whole sugar pills thing but thanks breaking it down for everyone.

I wasn't trying to be a jerk to you but obviously I have insulted you in some sort of way to have received such an offensive response so I apologize if my post had offended you.

[SWTXBelle]

. . . if you are having sex, you COULD get pregnant. There are averages, there are observed patterns, there are clinical trials that may show the odds are you won't, there are percentages you can try to work, there are steps you can take to minimize the risk, but basically you should understand that short of not having sex nothing else is 100%.
I have 4 children. I planned to have 4 - but only in only 1 case did I become pregnant when the odds said I would. In fact, my last two are only 15 months apart, and I had the last one at 39. The statistics say I should have had a hard time getting pregnant with #3 at 37, never mind the odds of #4 at 39. And I was told before #1 that I might NEVER be able to get pregnant.
So, long story short - SEX COULD ALWAYS LEAD TO PREGNANCY is a good motto to live by.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Siggy_lxvi

rather than having a period during those seven days you're taking the sugar pills, you'd be getting pregnant.

You're having your period - which means you're (aprox) 14 days away from ovulating. That's why you don't get pregnant on the sugar pills...you can't get pregnant during your period.

Let me clarify - you can END UP pregnant if you have sex during your period. But you cannot get pregnant while you're having your period, as you are not ovulating. Semen can stay in the body 7-10 days, and if you have a short cycle and end up ovulating within 10 days after your period, then yes, you can end up pregnant from the sex you had during your period. But due to the fact that the bleeding is flushing everything out of your body, it's not likely.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Siggy_lxvi

Hate to be a pain about this, but you're wrong. A woman is not automatically fertile the moment she stops taking the pill, and it's ridiculous to say she is, otherwise, rather than having a period during those seven days you're taking the sugar pills, you'd be getting pregnant. Sometimes it's as little as one day, sometimes it takes weeks or months. Sometimes a woman who stops taking the pill because she's trying to have a baby will have to actually take a few doses a couple of months down the road to "kick start" her reproductive system into ovulating properly again. (This is what often happens when a woman 'skips' a pill and gets knocked up: she's dropped the hormone level, then given it a little kick, and her system shoots out an egg.) I have numerous family members in professions related to reproductive physiology (not all of them HUMAN reproductive physiology I admit), have worked in one myself, and we ALL like to talk shop.

It always amuses me when I meet a woman who knows less about her ovaries than I do.

You're not necessarily fertile but you are potentially fertile, just like any other time that a woman is not on birth control. That's what she was saying.

[ZTAngel]

Ok, no more thread hijacks. Let's get this thread back to "Worst Wedding You've Ever Attended." I don't want this thread turning into a heated argument. Any subsequent posts regarding birth control, pregnancy, etc. will be deleted.

[christiangirl]

Thank you. I was wondering if this was going to be a trainwreck before I got to tell my story...

Anyway, I'll keep it short. I've only been to a few weddings, but the worst out of the 3 was definitely my big sister's. I was the maid of honor, so I didn't have an escort going down the aisle (the best man was already up by the groom). This was terrifying for me as I'm dead clumsy and it was my first pair of heels. They had me wear them around the house for a few days to get used to them, but a fat lot of good that did. I tripped going down the aisle anyway. I would've played it off nicely had the photographer not jumped into the aisle trying to catch me. After successfully navigating the rest of the aisle, the wedding proceeds beautifully until the lighting of the Unity Candle. My sister and her almost-husband light the candle and turn away from each other to blow their individual candles out. My sister blows hers out, but the groom is just holding his, shoulders shaking. I'm standing behind them, so I'm watching his shoulders wondering why the hell he's laughing during his wedding, when suddenly he puffs out his cheeks, lets out a strangled sound like a tire blowing out, and throws his hand over his mouth while 2 groomsmen grab him under the arms and drag him from the church. We all just sort of sit in a stunned silence until somebody pokes (more like punches) the singer and tells her to go sing again, even though she'd just finished a song. After everything ended and the bridal party is back in their room, my sister tells us all about how her idiot husband got so tanked at his bachelor party that he'd been struggling not to throw up all through the wedding. Then, they all start scheming about how to get the dried throw up off the leg of his rented tux because my sister was freaking out having to pay an extra fee. However, after I tripped going up the steps for my portrait to be taken and made a thud that got the attention of everyone who hadn't left for the reception yet, there was a lot less tension in the room and a lot more laughing. After they came back from the honeymoon, they were going to copy the wedding video for family members who wanted one until they saw that the video zoomed in on the groom's faced as his cheeks exploded, cut to a random shot of the beach for a few seconds, then come back on at a different part of the wedding (which the timer at the bottom of the screen says was seven minutes later). After we saw that, we just kept it to ourselves.

[SWTXBelle]

Oh - the part about the video did it for me . . .I like the idea of the cut away scene at the beach!