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Originally Posted by marquise1911
Umm I don't know how clear I have to be...REMARRIAGE. I think that pretty much explains itself. As far as being "unsure or who" I really am, that is not the case. I just simply didn't know who I was married to even after 5 yrs. Quite frankly no one is ever certain.
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How does it explain itself? What does remarriage to
YOU mean? It means to me that your prior marriage failed for whatever reasons and you are no longer married as defined by the state and the nation. You know the legal ramifications between marriage and divorce. But are we discussing marriage as one form of a "LOVING STABLE RELATIONSHIP" or are we discussing just relationships? Because I need a reference otherwise, I really do NOT understand where you are trying to go with your diatribe. I am interested in trying to relieve some people's pain.
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I would gladly hand you my cell phone and let you take a random dial. You would find quite a few. There are people who keep their relationships to such a bare minimum that there is no room for someone to hurt them. Hell if it wasn't so common Kelly Clarkson couldn't have a #1 single for 4 weeks based on it. Let's not pretend to be so in the dark about these things.
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A bunch of hurt people means there is a lack of internal love within themselves. If they failed to love themselves initially, they ALLOWED themselves to be in a hurtful and painful vicarious predicament. Relationships, married or not just don't END for no reason. Something gets exchanged, be it money, good times or bodily fluids. And some things are at least grunted and/or moaned at minimum in the kinds of relationships we are discussing. I think it is a cop out when people take their past hurts and pains and assess and project those onto new lovers. The new lover does not have a chance when the relationship starts. Now we are not talking about the pimps and playas and prostitutes. We are talking about people are seriously and actually DO want to be in a MEANINGFUL relationship.
Anyone who keeps a distance to minimize hurt and pain in a relationship is at best not allowing himself or herself to the actually vunerability of exposition to a fault for the re-actualization of true love.
The irony about TRUE LOVE is you cannot hide your faults and you must show them as badges of courage, experience and honor. You only go into love for the experience and enjoyment of the other person's presence in your life. Be it a friend for now, sometime or a lifetime. And in the end, you have a friend... A friend is someone you dare to be yourself with all your warts, blemishes, bruises and scars.
Now, I am not romanticizing this issue because I have been there, done that is the most horrible of abusive, physically, sexually and verbally relationships. So, I do not have any delusions of the degeneration of all relationships. However, I CHOSE to entertain FOULNESS in my life at that time. And now, all I can say is that I am blessed to be in the marriage that I am in even if it is temporary. Because as an attorney told me, "all marriages will end" either by choice or by death...
What can one do to guard his or her heart from relationship pain and distress?
I don't think one can...
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