Adoption: Would you do it? Why? Why not?

[dzdst796]

You are going to want to stay home after placement so you need to make sure that you have been at your job for at least 12 months prior to placement in order to take Family Leave and that you have savings to take care of your financial responsibilities since you don't get paid when on Family Leave. Also check with your HR regarding any financial assistance they might provide regarding adoption. Some companies even allow for maternity leave and/or reimbursement for some or all of your fees.

Summerchild every agency is different. With our agency we actually had to fill out an application asking all these probing questions and then their board of directors decide if they are going to take you as potential adoptive parents. Once that was done we had to provide a deposit. Then at the end of the home study period we had to provide half of our fees minus the deposit, and our balance was due 30 days after placement into our home. Our agency determines their fees on a sliding scale based on income.
When you are researching agencies beware of any place that requires all of the monies up front these are probably not licensed.

Hope this helps

[rhoyaltempest]

Hi Sistergreeks!

A lot of people who already have children want to adopt but don't really have the money to support more children. I used to be a foster parent just a few years ago and a lot of people don't know this but there are so many African American children that need homes that they are now asking foster parents to adopt the children they care for (if they are up for adoption)...and get this...they will continue to receive money from the gov't as well as health benefits I believe until the children are 18. But this is only for those who are foster parents first; not for those that go through straight adoption procedures. What you have to do is ask foster care for a child that is currently up for adoption and tell them that you may possibly want to adopt but you'd like to try your hand at being a foster parent first. It's also a good way to see if the child will be a good fit for your family since some of the kids (the older ones especially) have some problems that you may not want to deal with. So don't say that you definitely want to adopt because then they might try to get you to go thru the straight adoption procedures. Look up a foster care agency near you for the specifics but if you are in the Philly area, I know of some agencies so let me know. If you have any questions about foster care, let me know also. My mother and aunt were foster mothers also so we have some experience between us. There are so many children (African American children especially) waiting for homes that after my trainings and background and medical clearances, it only took about 1 month to get a child, and that's only because I specifically asked for a female between ages 4 to 7. I ended up taking a 9 year old and she was truly a blessing; she was later adopted by a single African American woman but I was asked by the agency if I wanted to adopt her first. At the time I declined because I didn't think I was ready for the long term commitment but I regret it now because I miss her so much. My mother had 2 children (they were not up for adoption); a boy and a girl (brother and sister) and she kept them for 5 years and then their paternal grandmother took them for good. Today they are teenagers and we are still in touch.

[ladygreek]

^^^ What you have described is called permanency planning and it is specific to wards of the state. In my state you don't even have to be a foster parent first, although that certainly helps in getting to know the child better before adopting her or him. The key is that you are adopting a "waiting kid" who is eligible to be adopted.

[SummerChild]

DZDST, what is Family Leave? Is that the same as when your company gives you a set amount of time paid for maternity or adoption leave or is that something different - like offered by the state or something?

SC

Originally Posted by dzdst796

You are going to want to stay home after placement so you need to make sure that you have been at your job for at least 12 months prior to placement in order to take Family Leave and that you have savings to take care of your financial responsibilities since you don't get paid when on Family Leave. Also check with your HR regarding any financial assistance they might provide regarding adoption. Some companies even allow for maternity leave and/or reimbursement for some or all of your fees.

Summerchild every agency is different. With our agency we actually had to fill out an application asking all these probing questions and then their board of directors decide if they are going to take you as potential adoptive parents. Once that was done we had to provide a deposit. Then at the end of the home study period we had to provide half of our fees minus the deposit, and our balance was due 30 days after placement into our home. Our agency determines their fees on a sliding scale based on income.
When you are researching agencies beware of any place that requires all of the monies up front these are probably not licensed.

Hope this helps

[Eclipse]

Originally Posted by SummerChild

DZDST, what is Family Leave? Is that the same as when your company gives you a set amount of time paid for maternity or adoption leave or is that something different - like offered by the state or something?

SC

THe Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which DZDST was probably talking about, provides up to 12 weeks of job protection to certain employees in the event they have to be out of work under certain circumstances including the adoption of a child or the placement of a child for foster care. THis is unpaid leave and will typically run concurrent with any paid leave you have with your company. That is the basics of the national rule, some states may offer more.

[FiestyGourmet]

First, kudos to all of you out there who are considering adoption. As already stated, there are many children out there who need good homes and loving parents.

I'll speak on the side of the adopted child. I was adopted and I'll just share some insight on things that I felt growing up with that knowledge.

#1. Be honest with your child about their adoption. Give them as much information as you can while they are still young. My parents began telling me a story called "The baby story" which was all about my adoption from the time I could probably understand their voices. I finallly realized they were talking about me when I was probably around 4 or 5. But that helped me tremendously to understand what had happened. And it made me feel very special.

#2. Be prepared for a lot of questions about biological parents. Don't necessarily take it personal. A child has that natural curiousity of who they are, who they look like...etc.

#3 Be prepared for the eventual anger that will crop up. "Why was I abandoned...why didn't they love me..." This is a tough phase, for everyone. Adopted children can often have a sense of unworthiness and feelings of not being good enough. Try to counteract that early if you see that manifest in your child.

#4 If your child expresses a desire to find/meet biologicals, again...don't take it personal. You are the parent who raised them, and most often your child will view you as that. They are not looking to replace you with the woman who birthed them or find another father. Most often they are simply seeking answers or possibly looking for a friendship. Not another mother or father. It's too late for that.

#5 Remember that children are mostly products of their environments and not necessarily bloodlines. So if your child is out of control...that's your fault. LOL...I'm kidding...but seriously, most adoption agencies should give you as much medical history as they were given. The only problem with that is it's by no means complete. Your child may worry about health risks and the like. Keep an eye out on anything that may seem out of sorts to you. Which you'll do anyway.

Just my thoughts....

[dzdst796]

Originally Posted by Eclipse

THe Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which DZDST was probably talking about, provides up to 12 weeks of job protection to certain employees in the event they have to be out of work under certain circumstances including the adoption of a child or the placement of a child for foster care. THis is unpaid leave and will typically run concurrent with any paid leave you have with your company. That is the basics of the national rule, some states may offer more.

This is exactly what I am talking about. I used it when our son came home. But you have to have worked at your present employer for 12 consecutive months to be eligible.

[Eclipse]

Originally Posted by dzdst796

This is exactly what I am talking about. I used it when our son came home. But you have to have worked at your present employer for 12 consecutive months to be eligible.

Yes. Thanks for that addition I did not put that. It is 12 months and 1250 hours. Both conditions must be met to be eligible.