"You'll end up where you were meant to"...

[James]

Who is Baby girl?

Originally posted by justamom

When baby girl rushed, there were a couple of houses that SOME
would have spoken less highly of than others. There are NO houses that fall into the category of down right BAD! Would she have fit anywhere? Maybe, on THIS campus, but some would "fit" better than others. I take that back. She would NOT have fit in a high maintenance situation...she's too laid back and doesn't like Prada!

[Megerts]

Originally posted by KillarneyRose


I feel that I started rush with a big advantage over most of the other PNM's; I was friendly with many sisters, I knew what the different houses were like in "real life" as opposed to the image they presented during rush and I knew enough about which sisters were involved in what non-Greek activities that I could ask what I felt to be intelligent questions. I didn't feel that I needed a two week rush period to learn where I belonged because I'd done a couple years of independant research.

So I guess what I'd like to know is does everyone think the advantage I gave myself was unfair to the other rushees or do you feel that "all's fair" in love and....um, rush?

That's awesome that you got to go to all the parties and really experience what the sororities were like before rush, but what about those girls who don't live near the school of their choice? Maybe I was totally off, but you seemed to give the impression of "Hey, I went and did all this work, don't expect me to feel sorry for you"...

Well, what about those girls who don't know what school they are going until way after graduation. In my case, I was soooooo sure that I was going to a certain school in Virginia that I didn't even consider other schools. I know that had I gone to that school I would be set in the greek community.

But I didn't exactly get into that school... Then I come here, clueless about rush (that's another story! apparently all the girls from Texas didn't recieve the rush guide... sketch, huh?), but still feeling good about it. I go to the parties, I know a couple of girls in one of the houses, have a total blast just meeting all those new people. I thought everything went amazingly well, i go into to pick up my invites and bam! Cut from 9 of the 10 houses. I felt like a BIG loser. The whole time i kept hearing people say "you'll end up where you belong"... Oh sooo apparently I am uncool and belong to be sitting in my room alone while all my friends are at the house....

Yep, I definetly belong here.... riiiiiiiiiiight

So basically I think that's a horrible thing to say...

[mmcat]

baby giirl is jam's daughter who pledged dg last year...
and from all reports doing beautifully.
all good and correct, jam?

[justamom]

mmcat, you are correct! All is PRETTY good...though I wish her grades were a little better.
She is "enjoying" her college experience!

Megerts-there are so many stories about rush that didn't work out for wonderful girls. Some of us have first hand knowledge of this fact. Others have seen the friends of our children have a bad experience. That's why this is such an important topic.

What seems the saddest part of all this is some girls let it color their self confidence and carry it with them for years. Others just move on and never look back. It has to be difficult in a large Greek system where campus activities seem to center on Greek life, but there really is a whole other world out there that is just as thrilling and fun as being in a GLO. It's a little more difficult because YOU (universal) have to make it happen.

Killarney-I think knowing the ropes and the "real" personalities is a good thing. Maybe it would allow women to see past the cute skit or the "rep" they THOUGHT was true about the different houses.

My daughter came home Sat. for a BABY SHOWER!!! Anyway, we did have a LONG conversation about things. So much about rush is out of "individual" hands. It really does help if you have people who can speak up for you. (Unless they were NOT your friends in HS)

One last point, and perhaps this belongs on a different thread, but I think it's important.
Many actives will say if you get cut, it isn't personal. Then you hear others say keep an open mind, and some get rather upset if a girl seem determined to go after certain houses. Well..........it IS
personal from the PNMs perspective. Just like we advise the PNMs,
perhaps some of the houses should consider that THEY shouldn't take it personally if someone cuts THEM. From THAT perspective, do all the houses really end up with the girls who belong there? Just food or thought.

[33girl]

Originally posted by Megerts
That's awesome that you got to go to all the parties and really experience what the sororities were like before rush, but what about those girls who don't live near the school of their choice? Maybe I was totally off, but you seemed to give the impression of "Hey, I went and did all this work, don't expect me to feel sorry for you"...

I don't think that's what KR was saying at all - more like she was worried that what she did was unfair and did hurt other girls. It's hard not to do around here though - Pittsburgh is called "the biggest small town in the US" and it's very very true - everyone knows everyone and a lot of people go to the same colleges.

[adduncan]

Originally posted by 33girl
everyone knows everyone and a lot of people go to the same colleges.

I think it's important to point out that educating freshmen/women about Greek life is going to have to be in two tiers:
1) when your school is made up of students from the local HS - see example above
2) when you have many students relocating from hundreds or even thousands of miles away, and are not as familiar with the system, or culture, or traditions of the local city.

Case in point: I reported on another thread (cf, Sororities and HS info--or something like that) that Boston U recruits students in every state. Houston is over 1500 miles away from Boston, and Texas has a "national" flavor very different from anything on the east coast.. (Let's not even talk about applicants from Los Angeles, Tacoma, Anchorage, or Honolulu..... )

Even with Spring formal rush for freshmen, so they have a semester to get "settled in", how in the hell are 18-year-olds from another part of the country with a different culture of its own supposed to be as up-to-date on New England Greek life when they apply and accept to the school??? Long-term campus visits during the school year are not an option. And even if they were, the rumors and stereotypes are even more jumbled for an out-of-town freshman, then for someone who was born and bred in the area where they go to college.

Let's have a little mercy on the frosh who may be dazed and confused by the rush process, esp if they're out-of-towners. IMHO, there is always room for improvement when it comes to educating new students about rush and each GLO.

Just my $4.36 from an active college alumna....

Adrienne (PNAM 2003)

[KillarneyRose]

Originally posted by Megerts
That's awesome that you got to go to all the parties and really experience what the sororities were like before rush, but what about those girls who don't live near the school of their choice? Maybe I was totally off, but you seemed to give the impression of "Hey, I went and did all this work, don't expect me to feel sorry for you"...

So basically I think that's a horrible thing to say...

I'm really sorry if you (or anyone else who's read my post) got the wrong impression! 33Girl is right; I was only saying that I felt I had an advantage over girls who came to Pitt from out of town.

I do feel sorry for PNMs who basically get lost in the rush numbers and I wish that everyone had the opportunity to do what I did. But I think that is the same with everyone who goes to school in their hometown. Rush can be such a brutal experience, and it makes me sad that some awesome women are cut because the active members don't get the opportunity to know the "real" person.

[XOMichelle]

Originally posted by carnation
AND THIS IS WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO POINT OUT!!!! It's awful when we say that and then some kid ends up with "that" house and her self-esteem is shot to hell because she thinks that if we wise folks on GC (or her counselor) said it, it must be true.

Sometimes the people who would never think of joining a house, because they are "that house" actually ARE a good fit, they just can't see themselves loosing the popularity contest. Also they think they have to be like everyone in the group to have it be a good fit.

I mean, if you can find people you like there in a group, why not??? One thing i have learned from my sorority experience, is that college is only 4 years of your life. Sometimes it is what happens after that matters.

[texas*princess]

Originally posted by Cream
Oh, the skanks. They were pretty popular when I was in school. Just kidding! lol!

lol Cream you crack me up!

[James]

This is wise . .

Posted by Justamom
One last point, and perhaps this belongs on a different thread, but I think it's important.
Many actives will say if you get cut, it isn't personal. Then you hear others say keep an open mind, and some get rather upset if a girl seem determined to go after certain houses. Well..........it IS
personal from the PNMs perspective. Just like we advise the PNMs,
perhaps some of the houses should consider that THEY shouldn't take it personally if someone cuts THEM. From THAT perspective, do all the houses really end up with the girls who belong there? Just food or thought.

[2blue]

"You'll end up.."

Of course not for everyone...that's life! If life hands you lemons...make lemonade...sit on the front porch and let everyone know that you are now wearing THOSE letters!

[meridionaleDG]

This post makes me sad.

"You'll end up where you are meant to be."

If you don't believe that then you don't believe in fate - which I guess maybe to some people that is no big deal. I give this comment as advice because it is something I had to tell myself when I got a bid for DG. I was extremley disappointed and wanted to cry. I wondered why so and so cut me, and why I wasn't good enough. I just kept replaying this phrase in my head, and after starting school and going out with DG a few nights and seeing the other sororities, it made me realize I really DID end up where I belonged.

Even if a person does not get a bid, that doesn't eman this statement doesn't hold true. The whole point of this statement is to keep an open mind and to not get your hopes up. Maybe the person who doesn't get a bid will make a lot of friends in another sorority and COB them in the Spring - which might have been the plan for her all along.

If you go into recruitment thinking that fate doesn't play a huge roll in it, well then I guess good luck to you. No path is for sure, and recruitment is certainly one of those that isn't an exact map for most girls.

I can only speak from my own expierences, and if a rushee posts about how nervous she is because she doesn't think she well get into ABC sorority, then I will continue to tell her "you'll go where you belong." It happened to me, it happened to many others (inculding people who didn't get bids at formal recruitment). The statement isn't saying "You will definitly get in a sorority," the statement is saying (to me) "Keep an open mind because something you think might not be good for at the time will end up working out to your betterment in the future."

In a bigger picture, life really is in fact that, "You'll end up where you were meant to be." Maybe not at first - but you never know what the future holds.

[aopinthesky]

Meridionale is a perfect example of someone who gave a house a chance and worked it out for the best. More PNM's should have that attitude, but many are unwilling to do that and that is why some end up without bids.
However, rush, like life, is not always fair and doesn't always work out "the way it is supposed to" (the way it is SUPPOSED to being the way you intend it to). It just doesn't go the way you want it to sometimes - and often it has nothing to do with the PNM and everything to do with the process. That is why I think it is not helpful to say things like "you'll end up where you belong" and "things work out the way they are supposed to". Then, a PNM who is bidless on bid day, despite doing everything right, believes there is not house of which she is worthy. Sometimes the process gets screwed up - all PNM's should know this.

[James]

If I am reading the Rush posts correctly, one of the reasons the process screws up is that the NPC is trying to tamper with the "Market".

A lot of girls that in a free market economy would have matched with the chapter they wanted are in fact cut heavily because of the artifical process.

So I am not sure we are talking Fate so much as NPC's attempt to mimic Command/Control Economies lol.

To blame fate excuses what seems to be a flawed system.

[33girl]

Ok, here's a thought. Say that rushees could follow James' "free market" model and join whatever group they wanted. After a while, do you think the "top" groups would lose their status and the system would become more equal? Because a lot of the perceived desirability of a group has to do with its level of exclusivity.