What to tell overconfident PNMs

[adrie435]

I was one of those over-confident PNM's during recruitment and thinking back on it now, I really wish my PX had sat me down and just been honest with us about our chances. No one ever told us much about the fact that a lot of girls don't end up where they want. They kept telling us it was a mutual selection process and giving us the numbers of women placed every year (and never really making sure we realized that WE could be one of those 2% not placed rather than the 98% who got bids)

The moment that my group of friends and I first realized that sometimes it doesnt happen perfectly is actually when one of us got that dreaded phone call after preference parties to let her know she had not recieved a bid after suiciding. That was when I finally realized that the house I wanted may not actually want me enough to put me on their top list and I prepared myself to recieve a bid from a house I wasn't too thrilled about (even if I was confident, I wasn't stupid--so I kept all the houses I would be 'comfortable' joining even if they didn't dazzle me at recruitment). Thank God I did that because I did get that bid from my 'not-top house' and I ended up being President 2 years later, served on our campus Panhel, and had a Greek experience 10x better and more successful than any other girl who went through rush with me that semester.

I could have reached that point a lot earlier and taken a little less time to get used to the idea that they may love me, but they just couldn't take me if only our PX's would have been a little more realistic and maybe even harsh with us from the start. I feel like there are so many unrealistic PNM's out there that could make it through recruitment but no one takes the time to knock them down from that high horse before they get cut hard and drop out completely. (Keep in mind I go to a northern school so it's not the "I've been bred for this chapter" mentality, it's the "I was popular in high school and know 50 members of XYZ" one).

[violetpretty]

Keeping an open mind is very important. An open mind does not mean being open to anything but the "bottom" 2 chapters if your school has 18 chapters. It means giving EVERY chapter a chance at EVERY round you attend.

Even if a school has high placement rates, those rates don't mean that those PNMs placed all got their first choice from the beginning of recruitment (in fact most PNMs . Playing by the rules, good grades, quality recs, conversing well, a polished appearance will help you get placed, but know that at some schools, some women who would make outstanding members and do all of these things still slip through the cracks and get released from recruitment.

[carnation]

Any overconfident PNMs should read "They're Having a Blast!" (a thread about an LSU rush) or read NUBlue&Blue's comments about UGa rush and the fabulous girls from her daughter's high school who rushed there last year.

[ADPi Conniebama]

Seems to me that it depends on the school (or type of school) that the pnm is attending. (using Alabama schools \/)

If she is going to BAMA then I would tell her to KEEP AN OPEN MIND because their are ALOT of GREAT HOUSES and her # 1 is just as involed and wins stuff and is just as cute as her # 4 or #6 for that matter.

If she is going to UNA or Troy or whatever and, she IS as great as she thinks she is, then she will more then likely get what she wants, anyway. (unless she is a B$%&@^% or acts like one in the rooms) So, don't worry about her.

If she isn't so great then have a good long talk with her like everyone said before.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by ADPi Conniebama

If she is going to UNA or Troy or whatever and, she IS as great as she thinks she is, then she will more then likely get what she wants, anyway. (unless she is a B$%&@^% or acts like one in the rooms) So, don't worry about her.

There were plenty of Miss Everythings from their high schools who went through rush at my noncompetitive school, and DIDN'T get what they wanted. High school and college are two different animals.

[Denise_DPhiE]

Originally Posted by 33girl

There were plenty of Miss Everythings from their high schools who went through rush at my noncompetitive school, and DIDN'T get what they wanted. High school and college are two different animals.

Amen sista. That is the beauty of college. Levels the playing field!

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by ADPi Conniebama

If she is going to BAMA then I would tell her to KEEP AN OPEN MIND because their are ALOT of GREAT HOUSES and her # 1 is just as involed and wins stuff and is just as cute as her # 4 or #6 for that matter.

I'd say ditto on this with other very competitive schools like Ole Miss, LSU, UGA, etc... especially if the school has 15-20 houses, how could only one or two be the "good" ones?

That LSU thread that carnation suggested reading was just heartbreaking to read. It really is a good one for anyone going through at an SEC or otherwise competitive school.

My sister (who will be rushing at an unnamed school this fall) and her closest friends have seen several girls from their group get burned in recent years because of overconfident attitudes (not getting their initial top choices or dropping because of their invites), so I really think they're aware of how crazy the cuts can be and will be as level-headed as possible about it... but I worry about the girls who don't have as many Greek friends and relatives and therefore haven't heard the horror stories. It's hard for me especially to see my students who are SOOOO excited about rushing at Auburn or Georgia and are SOOOOO naive about the possibilities for the outcome. They really have no reason to think that they won't pledge the "best" because they have never heard stories that indicate otherwise.

[ErinIsBadNews]

There are always a few PNM's who come into my work and buy stuff for their future sorority. I never know what to say to those girls who are so sure they are going to be an ABC that they're going to drop a bunch of money on a sorority that they may not get in. It’s often legacies who come in with their Mom or sister and want to buy 2 of everything one for the current member and one for their legacy they are sure is going to become their sorority sister. It always makes me sad. I usually try to tell them that there are 15 great organizations on campus and to keep an open mind. I appreciate the reasoning behind these girls a lot more than someone who wants to be an ABC because it’s cool.

[FuzzieAlum]

I think maybe we need to rethink placement rates, or at least how we report them. Aren't they reported as the percentage of girls who attend through pref and get bids? So everyone who drops out or is dropped from all houses isn't reflected in that number, and rushees just see that "almost everyone who goes to pref gets a bid" and don't consider whether they'll make it to pref. PNMs need to be reminded that only x out of y girls who sign up for rush make get bids, too.

[KSUViolet06]

Overconfident PNMs need to realize that while it's great that they are gorgeous with good grades and tons of extracurriculars, plenty of girls in recruitment will be just as pretty and smart.

For example, you might think that the fact that you were Homecoming Queen in HS makes you unique and special and a "big catch" for any sorority. What you fail to realize is that depending on the school, you will be one of many smart, pretty, Homecoming Queens.

There was a particular girl who came into recruitment and told me "Oh you don't have to talk to me if you don't feel like it, I'm going to be an XY. I've heard they are the best one." She was a Homecoming Queen, 4.0, and very pretty. She told every single sorority the same thing (except XY). Well, when it was time for invites, none of us invited her back. Well that's okay right because she really wanted XY? Well, they didn't invite her back either. She was really upset about it, but that's what happens when you're too overconfident and don't consider all of your options.

[Ivygirl8985]

Originally Posted by adrie435

I was one of those over-confident PNM's during recruitment and thinking back on it now, I really wish my PX had sat me down and just been honest with us about our chances. No one ever told us much about the fact that a lot of girls don't end up where they want. They kept telling us it was a mutual selection process and giving us the numbers of women placed every year (and never really making sure we realized that WE could be one of those 2% not placed rather than the 98% who got bids)

The moment that my group of friends and I first realized that sometimes it doesnt happen perfectly is actually when one of us got that dreaded phone call after preference parties to let her know she had not recieved a bid after suiciding. That was when I finally realized that the house I wanted may not actually want me enough to put me on their top list and I prepared myself to recieve a bid from a house I wasn't too thrilled about (even if I was confident, I wasn't stupid--so I kept all the houses I would be 'comfortable' joining even if they didn't dazzle me at recruitment). Thank God I did that because I did get that bid from my 'not-top house' and I ended up being President 2 years later, served on our campus Panhel, and had a Greek experience 10x better and more successful than any other girl who went through rush with me that semester.

I could have reached that point a lot earlier and taken a little less time to get used to the idea that they may love me, but they just couldn't take me if only our PX's would have been a little more realistic and maybe even harsh with us from the start. I feel like there are so many unrealistic PNM's out there that could make it through recruitment but no one takes the time to knock them down from that high horse before they get cut hard and drop out completely. (Keep in mind I go to a northern school so it's not the "I've been bred for this chapter" mentality, it's the "I was popular in high school and know 50 members of XYZ" one).

I completely agree. Although I didn't have this experience as a PNM, I see it every year. Panhel and the RC's often try and sugar coat it and that ended up blowing up in their faces last year when we switched to a different matching system and it was very different from our old one. Lots of girls who thought they were guaranteed a spot to make it back to even the SECOND night of parties and they didn't get their top ranks. Almost all of those girls simply walked out and we lost about a fourth of the girls who could have joined a sorority on campus (even if it wasn't their first pick). I think it would have helped if the matching system had been better explained and the girls had been better warned that they might not get the house they feel they are a shoo-in for.

[Ivygirl8985]

Sorry, I just re-read that and realized most of my sentences are awful! Thats what happens when I just start typing!

[UGAalum94]

I agree that the official word is often wildly optimistic and that offices of Greek Life and sometimes recruitment counselors can do damage because they spread the word about what should happened in the perfect world, not what will realistically happen to a particular girl in recruitment.

Even reporting 98% placement is somewhat deceptive unless you point out that it's 98% placement for girls who are willing to join whatever groups want them when the whole shebang is over.

I don't think the schools that discuss placement rates even mention the often high number of girls who drop out because they didn't like their results. And at schools like UGA, it's a pretty big number.