Retro Recruitment.....with a different ending

[FSUZeta]

i am truly sorry for the way things turned out. you pain and disappointment are palpable. i think that we can all learn something for this.

drawing from your experience, could you suggest a way that your favorite sorority(it was tri sigma at your campus, but it just as easily could have been any of the other 25 npc sororities on any other campus) might have handled things differently? for instance, do you think that it would have been better(and easier on you) if they had not put up flyers inviting any interested women to their parties, but had extended invitations instead?

[OPhiAGinger]

AlwaysSAI, you are such a talented writer! The way you describe the situations and your feelings --- it puts each of us right there, feeling your pain. Please please PLEASE go on with your story! I'm ready for the happy ending that I know must be right around the corner.....

[AlwaysSAI]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

drawing from your experience, could you suggest a way that your favorite sorority(it was tri sigma at your campus, but it just as easily could have been any of the other 25 npc sororities on any other campus) might have handled things differently? for instance, do you think that it would have been better(and easier on you) if they had not put up flyers inviting any interested women to their parties, but had extended invitations instead?

These are things I have often considered. But, you have to understand that at this point in time this chapter was struggling. They were below quota when recruitment began and barely recieved half the women they extended bids to. I don't know of a way they could have extended invites to women....we don't have a COB list or any signing up involved in continuous recruitment.

I loved this chapter and in many ways I still do. Part of me still yearns to know the truth behind their sisterhood, but I understand that they were sustaining the life of their chapter which was a duty bestowed upon them by their nationals. I don't know of any better way for them to recruit women, than by putting up flyers. The one thing I do hate about continuous open bidding, though, is that on my campus, a PNM is never notified of a chapters feelings towards her. You either get a call or you don't. I think there could be a more efficient way of dealing with that. I would like to see my school take up a process I've seen described in other threads where the Office of Greek Life is much more involved. I would also like to see a much more structured COB process. But, I guess, if these things have or do happen, I won't know about it.

I don't think the members of that chapter did anything ill towards me. They felt that I was not a fit for their sisterhood, but that did not change my feelings for them and their national organization. Anyway they handled it, I still would have been upset. They achieved their goal in recruitment, at least with me, and that was to win over PNMs.

Just an update-this chapter is now THRIVING! Last time I checked their website they had 47 active sisters and chapter total on our campus is 55. So, they are doing GREAT!

[BabyPiNK_FL]

omg. i love your posts. i went into recruitment supereducated about all the groups as well. it's so difficult to feel that people you honestly thought enjoyed you as a person were not being upfront with you. and it sucks that honestly, they can't be. i admire your perseverance in such a difficult time and the fact that you have so much respect for Sigma (i preffed there too!) and other NPCs despite the outcomes. continue to tell your story as it may hopefully reach out to someone else who is going through something like this.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by FSUZeta

i am truly sorry for the way things turned out. you pain and disappointment are palpable. i think that we can all learn something for this.

drawing from your experience, could you suggest a way that your favorite sorority(it was tri sigma at your campus, but it just as easily could have been any of the other 25 npc sororities on any other campus) might have handled things differently? for instance, do you think that it would have been better(and easier on you) if they had not put up flyers inviting any interested women to their parties, but had extended invitations instead?

If they just stick with issuing invitations, then they will have a smaller pool of PNMs to choose from. That would be an approach that a chapter that is very close to total would take, but when you only made half of quota, you need to put your name out there. It sucks though, because there is no nice way to say "you can't join my sorority".

[bejazd]

If your chapter is having informal rush, and a PNM whom you cut during formal rush comes to more than one rush event (which demonstrates that she has guts and class) and your chapter sticks with their decision not to invite her to join, IMHO it should be no skin off the membership's chairman's nose to buck up and call her, and kindly tell her thank you for coming, but I'm sorry we won't be giving you a bid.
It's tough to do, but it's the only classy way to handle a difficult situation for all! and it's really no different than an HR manager who has to call an applicant who has perhaps interviewed mulltiple times with your company to say, sorry, the position is not available. No detailed explanation is necessary, but courtesy demands the phone call, or even a tactful hand written note. Every PNM who comes to our recruitment events is our guest because we invited her to be there! I hate the don't let the door hit you in the *$% approach. That's what really gives NPC groups a bad name, and deservedly so.

please SAI....tell us more!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by JessSigKap

It sucks though, because there is no nice way to say "you can't join my sorority".

Exactly. Any way you break the news, it still hurts. If they call you, don't call you, meet you in person, it won't change anything.

I'm sorry, just don't want this to become a "lets scrutinize the way this chapter conducted COB" thread. Everyone does things differently.

Originally Posted by AlwaysSAI

Just an update-this chapter is now THRIVING! Last time I checked their website they had 47 active sisters and chapter total on our campus is 55. So, they are doing GREAT!

As far as I know they are now above total, which is pretty exciting! They've even shared their recruitment success story in a past issue of the Triangle.

[PhenomenalZTA]

Do you think that having recs would have helped you match? A friend's daughter is attending there in the fall, and will be going through recruitment, so I have been glued to this one! Great, interesting thread!

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by PhenomenalZTA

Do you think that having recs would have helped you match? A friend's daughter is attending there in the fall, and will be going through recruitment, so I have been glued to this one! Great, interesting thread!

From what I know, UNCG isn't an uber-competitive recruitment like Chapel Hill or NC State. Recs aren't needed at all. The only girls who really have recs there are legacies.

[Leslie Anne]

Aww AlwaysSAI, your story is heart breaking. I'd love to hear how you finally found your home in SAI though! Please continue.

[Soliloquy]

First, allow me to agree with the rest of the posters by saying your story really is heartbreaking. I feel like we share may share many qualities as PNM's so I truly sympathize.

I can't wait to hear your happy ending.

[AlwaysSAI]

I was sure I wanted sisterhood. Like I said in my first post, I wanted to be apart of something larger than myself. I wanted to leave a legacy behind.

One of my Pi Chi's had suggested Theta Nu Xi so I figured, why not?! I attended one of theire events and it felt much more like an interview. And, there were only two sisters there. They said more sisters were supposed to come, but they never showed up. I was quite uncomfortable at the event. I attended with a friend of mine who really liked them and ended up joining, but I told her that was a little intimidating for me.

A few weeks later Alpha Phi Omega painted the rock advertising a recruitment event. I thought about going.....but decided that I was going to take the remainder of the semester off in greek endeavors. I needed a little time to heal.

I spent a lot of time that semester at Western with the Theta Omicron Chapter of AGD. I made the drive up there 3 or 4 times before Christmas break. I also spent a considerable amount of time talking to their Greek Life director who was a Phi Mu at I don't know what school. She urged me to go through formal recruitment again in the fall. She had even begun looking for alumnae that would be willing to write me recs. She emphasized that an entire chapter dynamic can change in a year, people graduate, new people join. At one point, I broke down in her office and told her that I just didn't think I could go through that agian.

The sisters of Theta O chapter opened their arms to me. They were my sisters when I had none. They supported me in whatever I decided to do. They treated me like one of their own. I cried on their shoulders, laid in bed with them at night, and had even gone to frat parties with them. That Christmas, I also attended their formal and wore the beautiful dress I bought for the preference ceremony. Everything they did for me, just cemented my desire for sisterhood and all that it entails.

[AlwaysSAI]

As I stated before, I auditioned at UNCG as a vocal minor and was admitted. I also had a great deal of musical experience under my belt. I studied voice privately for 4 years before entering UNCG, I was the lead vocalist in an award winning trio, I had won competitions as a soloist, had leads in musicals, performed an Carnegie Hall (with a city chior) and had been accepted into a very competitive women's chior; all before entering college, except Carnegie Hall which happened my freshman year at UNCG.

My freshman year while in New York City a young woman came up to me and starting recruiting me for SAI. She told me it was a Women's Music Fraternity and that I should think about joining. I thought, a music sorority? right, like I'm going to join that. I don't need to be in some sorority to cement my talent as a musician. Needless to say, she was relentless. And, that same semester, a girl on my hall pledged SAI and she was having such a great time. She showed me everything her big made for her and all the clues she got during big/lil week.

After my unsuccessful formal recruitment experience, I figured, why not give SAI a shot. One of the older sisters had been hardcore recriuting me for almost a year. So, spring semester of my sophomore year, I went out to rush me SAI. The only people that knew I was rushing were my sister and my very best friend in the whole entire world. I didn't tell anyone else. I didn't want to have to do another one of those..."well, yeah, I didn't get in" speeches. I was horribly nervous, to say the least, but they were such great women and I had such a great time.

Bids went out Friday morning at 9a. I sheepishly made the treck to the music building shaking like a leaf. I get to the lounge........and.......nothing. Only bids from Phi Mu Alpha and Mu Phi Epsilon had gone out. I wasn't sure what to do. I walked back to my dorm and called my very best friend in the whole entire world (yeah, the same one). She told me that when she got out of class at 11a, we would walk over there together. So, we did and she held my hand as we walked down the hallway. I was soooo nervous. Sooooo scared. Something I had been so reluctant about, had become something I despirately desired.

We finally made it to the end of the hallway. We walked into the lounge and on the table sat a gift bag full of SAI bids. I searched frantically through the bag. Of course, here we go again with W. for a last name, but there I was! I opened the enveloped and saw the most beautiful bid card I had ever seen in my life. I had a huge smile on my face and my very best friend in the whole entire world began screaming with joy. We both began screaming and jumping up and down. My very best friend who saw me through hell my freshman year and held my head as I cried over NPC recruitment had seen me come full circle. We ran into the music lab because I had just seen my soon-to-be pledge mom go in there. I ran up to her screaming, YES! YES! YES! Right then and there, I filled out my bid card and couldn't have been happier.

The next six weeks are a blur. Taking quizzes, going to pledge meetings. And, low and behold, MY SAI BIG SISTER WAS A SISTER OF ALPHA CHI OMEGA, initiated by the Zeta Xi chapter at UNCG. She wasn't active anymore...I'm not sure if she turned in her badge or had just gone inactive. I was initiated as a sister into Sigma Alpha Iota on April 29, 2006. The initiation ceremony was so beautiful. I cried, I'll admit it, I cried. I finally understood why the ritual of each organization was so sacred.

That summer, I applied for a very prestigious internship with the NC state government through the North Carolina Youth Advocacy and Involvement Office. (EVERYONE SHOULD LOOK INTO IT!) There were more than 1,600 applicants and only 80 positions to fill. That year, it was particularly competitive. I was awarded my second choice position at the NC Museum of History!!! I spent the entire summer developing a week long camp for children in grades 3-6 that focused on toys and games as entertainment throughout the history and development of our state. IT WAS A HUGE SUCCESS. And, through that position, I learned many leadership and research skills that I couldn't wait to begin using when I returned back to school. I knew I was well on my way to becoming a success.

But, something was missing. I returned to school in the fall. My Big, who had been so dear to me while I was pledging, decided to go inactive because she was tranferring to a school in Conneticut to be closer to her family. I had a hard time navigating through SAI. I wasn't a music minor anymore....I dropped it because i wanted to have a life outside of the practice room. All of the other sisters, except one, saw eachother everyday in the School of Music. I loved these girls. They were my home, the first women to accept me. I refused to go inactive. I had taken vows I would not betray.

But, I wanted something more......

[FSUZeta]

you are bleeding us with paper cuts!! come on , spill the beans!! please.

[Leslie Anne]

Yay for SAI!!!

I'm anxious to hear the rest of your story though.