Depledging (HELP!!)

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by SkiingSister

Never got the paper to sign. Would I have signed it? Hmmm...maybe, probably. I really wanted to stay in the organization, just not at that chapter, not living in the house. It would have been hard for me to live out of house, financially. I got the best of both worlds. Others weren't so lucky

Why not ask for early alum status?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Why not ask for early alum status?

I wonder the same thing.

Skiing sister, your promotion of how you undermined your group's rules hurts how other people will view your sisterhood. You may not care because you got what you wanted and are able to continue to do what you want today. But it doesn't really reflect well on you or your group.

[SkiingSister]

Actually, that is what I got, alum status starting my second semester of my junior year. You must be a full time student to be a in sorority at my campus. I lied, said that I was taking half load, locked my academic records so my chapter couldn't check, took a full load. You can't just ask for alum status as junior. Alum status is only granted to those taking less than full load or 5th year seniors. My chapter was hard up for money and wouldn't let anyone even go temporary sleeper status for a semester or that would have been an option.

As for how this reflects on my sisterhood, my group, etc...that is very loaded. I feel that what I did compares nothing to what I saw happen in that house and heard after I left. How about the girl who gave another a black eye at a dating party for talking trash about her? I will stop there.

I have had other friends from other groups tell similar stories of what they endured at their chapters. They didn't do what I did but they do not pass judgment on me.

You know, I see a lot about how wonderful greek life is on this board, and it is. Then someone briefly says that someone quit and that is it. I have yet to see anyone fully address why someone would want to deactivate, it's causes and prevention. A lot of time it is "oh, she didn't have the funds" or "greek life wasn't her". Well, I know a lot of people who used the funds as an excuse. What are GLOs doing to retain their members? How do we prevent the crap that happened in my house and others. I know that mine is NOT alone. We can only say "oh, our ritual is so good, it will heal it all" or my personal favorite, "let's shut the chapter down then recolonize!"

Since my college days, I have moved on to a very active life and received a few awards for my involvement in various organizations. Just last night someone said "She knows everyone." as I was hugged by several friends while art gallery hopping. Oh, and yah, a lot of those people know that I was in a house. They think highly of my house. So, no, it hasn't reflected badly on my house. If anything, my house should be glad that I did what I did instead of truly deactivating.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Why not ask for early alum status?

Sometimes you can't GET early alum status, I don't approve of what she did, but I'd rather that someone unhappy with her college chapter remain an actual member of the sorority and active as an alumna than drop everything altogether.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Sometimes you can't GET early alum status, I don't approve of what she did, but I'd rather that someone unhappy with her college chapter remain an actual member of the sorority and active as an alumna than drop everything altogether.

Maybe, but not to manipulate and lie to the group to do so.

When you are part of an organization that is struggling for whatever reasons, it seems to me that you can try to fix the group from within or you can leave the group.

To lie to the group and circumvent its policies because you feel it's flawed and return to it later as if you hadn't manipulated and abandoned it for those years, well, in my mind that doesn't play that well.

Playing alum didn't make the chapter better and I suspect it didn't live up to the values of the group. Pointing out the un-sisterly behavior of other member of the chapter doesn't make Skiing sister or the group look better. As a matter of fact. . .

[SWTXBelle]

There is no doubt that all sorts of bad behavior exists in any and all groups. Lying, cheating, fist fights, gossip, hazing - all kinds of "shetty" (sic) behavior - you name it, we all know that humans are imperfect and that will be reflected in their actions.
What distinguishes a person of character is how they deal with it. Also, whether they contribute to the solution - or by their actions condone it. Leaving instead of trying to affect a change is the easy way out - but it didn't help the chapter, and in fact probably hurt it. If there were other women who felt as you did, it is possible that you could have changed things for the better from the inside. It's possible - I've done it.
You are lucky you didn't have an advisor who was more on the ball - not reporting your grades to the chapter should have resulted in a discussion with you as to why. Most organizations can find out your status - full-time student or no, so I'm amazed your GLO didn't. Maybe they just didn't want to deal with it; who knows.
I HAD to take alumna status upon my marriage the summer of my junior year - and I wanted to stay as an active. I couldn't, but did all I could to help my chapter (I served as Rush Advisor).
You may cheat the system, and brag about doing so, but don't be surprised when you are not admired for it.
And if your friends who know you were in a house know you lied and don't mind - that says more about them and their ethics then it does about the validity of your actions.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

She quite simply does not deserve the privileges of membership.

I would assume that all NPC groups have ways of handling extenuating circumstances, and at the age of 18 or 21 you should be enough of an adult to pursue those options.

Just think, this woman has the right to recommend PNM's for membership.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Just think, this woman has the right to recommend PNM's for membership.

And, the right to offer sponsorship for AI.

-I went there.-

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Maybe, but not to manipulate and lie to the group to do so.

When you are part of an organization that is struggling for whatever reasons, it seems to me that you can try to fix the group from within or you can leave the group.

To lie to the group and circumvent its policies because you feel it's flawed and return to it later as if you hadn't manipulated and abandoned it for those years, well, in my mind that doesn't play that well.

Playing alum didn't make the chapter better and I suspect it didn't live up to the values of the group. Pointing out the un-sisterly behavior of other member of the chapter doesn't make Skiing sister or the group look better. As a matter of fact. . .

Hence my lack of approving of what she did. This, to me, is the difficulty in promoting both a college organization as well as an alumna one. Just because the college system is not working out doesn't mean you don't still hold to the values of the organization and want to serve it.

Lying about it is not good, but I've watched girls who wanted early alumna status for very valid reasons not be able to get it. While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Lying about it is not good, but I've watched girls who wanted early alumna status for very valid reasons not be able to get it. While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

You'd end up with a hell of a lot more "letter girls" this way. They'd join one semester for the priviledge of wearing letters, because it looks good on a resume, just to say they were in a sorority, etc...and then they'd opt out.

[SWTXBelle]

The interesting question which this brings up is the issue of what is necessary to take alumnae status. Maybe that needs to be addressed on a national/international level - or is it a relatively minor problem?
When I was a chapter advisor, I had to deal with girls with financial problems, and those with issues with other members. I did everything I could to enable our members to continue as actives - doesn't every GLO have policies in place to deal with situations like this? Maybe not - and that may be the problem.
I like the fact that if you deactivate from Gamma Phi there is an appeal process if you decide you wish to reaffiliate. You can't do it for a number of years, and it isn't a certainty, but I know that it is possible to make a choice at the age of 19 - 21 that you might wish to do differently when you are older.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

I think you are probably right about this, but SkiingSister is hurting her org. by posting this here.

Things being wrong in the organization and her not liking the options she had doesn't change that what she did was wrong. Posting her story highlights the chapter's flaws, the lack of integrity of the group's members, and the group's lack of oversight into its members' behavior. What good could come of it?

ETA: Could it just be as easy as letting each member decide when she will go alum if it's earlier than her actual graduation? Chapters could be permitted to COB to replace members who went alum early maybe so as to not hurt membership? I know it might be hard on chapters, but it makes me sad to think that girls only stay active because they don't want to resign permanent. I like to think they are enjoying membership and consider it very worthwhile. Maybe the option would only kick in after a year or two of active membership.

[SkiingSister]

I was never bragging about what I did. I am just saying that it came be done.

Someone mentioned that they could check my status. Not with my academic files being locked. Several months ago, I had a background check done for a job that I was poised to take (turned it down for a more money somewhere else) and after all of these years, that lock my files was still there. If my records were acquired, it have been been a breach of privacy and very well been done illegally. There is no way that anyone could have found out my status. Unless, you had girls stalking me around campus or were in my classes. They weren't.

As for posting here and doing disservice to my GLO, no one here knows what chapter I was in. You can look at my posts and think you know but you don't. I know about a lot of GLo's at other schools. My friends are from all over.

I think a lot of the concern on greekchat is that my story may give Greek life a bad rep. Maybe. Maybe not. It is what it is. I had some really good experiences and a really bad one.

For those who are concerned that I am recommending PNM or AIs...get over it. I am active within my community and various organizations. As one friend put it "SkiingSisters friends are always so nice and down to earth. She knows everyone." Seriously, it has been said.

Snowball's chance in hell that they would let me leave early if I hadn't lied. My chapter was low on numbers and money. There was no way that they would let people go alum early. They used to be more lenient but it cost them numbers which meant money. One girl was studying abroad for a year on a university program. They wanted $900 out of her to stay active while she away or she would have to quite. She promised to be a paying sister when she came back. Why pay for something that you are not being a part of, nor enjoying. For her it was pay $900 to stay active or use the money for a plane ticket. She chose the plane ticket, studied abroad and I still consider her a sister to this day. So, yah, I knew what I was up against.

Would I have done things differently? Yes. In a ton of areas. But, I have learned so much from my experience; group dynamics and how to deal with people. I am also proud of my affiliation. I look back and knowing the history of the organization, I think it might have been the best fit. I know that I can't change past but I can make the future. If I hear of another girl in my situation having a bad experience, I will be the first one there to hear her out. And it will be discovered early on, not when it is too late. She won't fall through the cracks. I would also add that Greek life changed from the time my parents were it in it to the time that I was in. They were surprised at all of the stuff that goes on. Both parents, who are in GLO's, knew what I was doing and never told me not to do it.

I think it is great the my story has spawned some debate and more importantly discussion.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by SkiingSister

One girl was studying abroad for a year on a university program. They wanted $900 out of her to stay active while she away or she would have to quit. She promised to be a paying sister when she came back. Why pay for something that you are not being a part of, nor enjoying. For her it was pay $900 to stay active or use the money for a plane ticket.

Wow. In my sorority, girls HAVE to be granted inactive status when they are studying abroad. During that time, they are only asked to pay national collegiate dues. We would get in major trouble for doing what you described here (asking someone who is not going to be active for a year to pay full active dues). I'm surprised that other sororities policies aren't similar.

While I don't condone lying, I do commend you for realizing that while you had some negative experiences with your collegiate chapter, you valued the sorority as a whole and didn't want to give it up and resign your membership entirely (which is what I think most girls in your situation would do).