Are You Too Good For These Men?

[christiangirl]

Physically, Robert's the only one who does anything for me.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

Ok, let's keep it real. First of all I am taken so no I would not be dating any of these men. But in determining compatibility, I am not looking for the six-figure guy or the best looks, I just want someone who can keep up - intellectually, personality-wise, AND financially. Sounds easy, right? Yea, right....

All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

Unfortunately, I can't tell these things from their short bios here.

I agree. But I'm not remotely attracted to any of those dudes so the bios don't move me either way.

[Little32]

My most recent relationship (or person that I dated, it wasn't really a relationship) was with someone who might be termed a blue collar worker, and I am (in terms of education) considered to be at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I didn't and don't have a problem with what he does, what I found is that he operates from the assumption that I do. ( I don't know if that is because he has encountered women that have had an issue with his profession in the past or what.) But essentially, he brought his preconceived notions about what I wanted and who I was (based on my profession and my education), and that colors the way that he interacts with me.

So, I think that that just reinforces the idea that these men may be part of the reason as to why they find it difficult to date.

[lovehaiku84]

I thought that a couple of them were cute, but I don't think I'd be too interested in any one of them. Maybe the "thug" if he didn't dress like that...
Anyways the short guy looks like someone that approached my friends and I in a club once time. He was pretty much shorter than all three of us (I am 5'4), and made an attempt to "get at" each one of us when one rejected him. This guy was relentless! He peeped the ring I wear on my left hand when I don't want to be bothered and went on and on about how it should have been bigger and how he would have gotten me something better. So besides the fact that he was super short, he was just annoying. I really do think that there are some other reasons that these men are single besides the ones that they shared.

[Infamous12]

Originally Posted by Little32

My most recent relationship (or person that I dated, it wasn't really a relationship) was with someone who might be termed a blue collar worker, and I am (in terms of education) considered to be at the opposite end of the spectrum.

I didn't and don't have a problem with what he does, what I found is that he operates from the assumption that I do. ( I don't know if that is because he has encountered women that have had an issue with his profession in the past or what.) But essentially, he brought his preconceived notions about what I wanted and who I was (based on my profession and my education), and that colors the way that he interacts with me.

So, I think that that just reinforces the idea that these men may be part of the reason as to why they find it difficult to date.

I just got out of practically the same situation. I have a degree and a job with power options. (Can easily move up in company) He's 3 years my senior, with a pretty good finance type of job (insurance something or other) but still had not received his degree and so he felt like I was 'too much for him'. He had some security issues, as I NEVER even cared about his degree or lack thereof, honestly. But he did....and figured one day I would too. Oh well...

I think the Baby Daddy & MBA Thug are pretty cute.

[SoEnchanting]

[quote=DSTCHAOS;1454133]All of these qualifications can easily be found in one package. Yes, easily.

quote]

Where are all of these men easily found?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by SoEnchanting

Where are all of these men easily found?

In the circles that I mingle in of the different places I have lived.

[SoEnchanting]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

Yes.

LMFAO!

[SoEnchanting]

Ok, let's keep it real. First of all I am taken so no I would not be dating any of these men. But in determining compatibility, I am not looking for the six-figure guy or the best looks, I just want someone who can keep up - intellectually, personality-wise, AND financially. Sounds easy, right? Yea, right....

Unfortunately, I can't tell these things from their short bios here.

[RedefinedDiva]

The problem is that we are being told to SETTLE by this article and an accompanying article by Iyanla Vanzant on the website.

I know that I am picky.... to an extent. However, I feel that I have a RIGHT to be. I don't AUTOMATICALLY diss someone because he isn't coming like Morris Chestnut in "Two Can Play That Game" (You know, a tall, dark, and handsome lawyer with his own home and substantial income). However, being that I have achieved a certain level of success in my life, why should I NOT expect someone to complement that?

I have NEVER had a requirement that the person that I date have a certain occupation; however, I DO require that he AT LEAST have a bachelor's degree. Hell, after next May, I'll have THREE. The least my mate can do is have at least ONE. In fact, I have even attempted to substitute the degree for military experience. I've tried to relax this "requirement," but it has done more harm than good.... I wasn't born a lawyer. I don't even know if I'll die as a lawyer. I can change my mind as the wind blows. I have been a teacher so I know that that is an admirable profession. I know that there are other professions that are well respected, so I'm not too picky about that aspect. However, I can admit that I would probably igg a stockboy too, so I don't know why the young man in the story is surprised.

In terms of height, I've never been (extra) picky about that either. I do have a PREFERENCE for men that are taller than I am. The thing is that I don't require that he stand as tall as Shaq, but I don't want to stare straight ahead and be able to see the waves in your hair either. Weight is not an issue all the time either. While I don't ordinarily date overweight guys, I have been trying to give them a chance. The only thing is that since I am trying to get into shape, he MUST do the same. That brings me to the guy that was short and overweight. Dude, be realistic. Something has to give. If you are short, you have to make up in other ways. Then he had the nerve to be some kind of clubhopper, which another issue in itself....

In terms of dress, I don't really care how one dresses in his down time. However, I would hope that he can dress for his age. At some point, the look needs to step up. Even Jay-Z came to his senses and started wearing jeans and "button-ups." I think that a man should also know how to fit in the most professional of settings. Attire means a lot. So, for the guy on the website that is actually an MBA grad, but is mistaken for a thug, he needs to grow up and realize that HE has some fault in how he's perceived. And finally, as far as looks go, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have ben known to date guys that other girls may not find attractive, but hey, I'm the one that has to look into his face. So, if I like it, you should love it.

I would have to agree with Blessed2bDST when she stated that women are always made to explain why they don't like a certain type of guy. However, men need to evaluate themselves. Yes, women are graduating and moving into power professions and positions at greater numbers and are seeking men in similar positions. However, men take advantage of this "man shortage" that they beat down our throats daily and use that as leverage to play women. And will women would probably like to date and settle down with men that may not share a comparable profession and/or income, one issue that arises, for exapmle, is that men oftentimes can't handle the fact that they are not the main breadwinner, which leads to resentment.

I'll bet that there is no follow-up on these men. If there is, I would like to see comments from some of the women that may have been in contact with them and/or may have gone on a date with them so that we can get the real story. I'll bet these "good guys" aren't the victims that Essence is making them out to be.

[mulattogyrl]

I'd give 2 and 4 a chance. Nothing wrong with them, upon first glance anyway.

[delph998]

So ladies, how much of a compromise is age?

As of late, older men (33-38) have approached me. A lot of these men are really nice too and actually bring a great deal to the table. But then there's the possibility of them having children or being married before. I'm 27, no children, never been married, so I don't know how I feel about getting involved with someone with that history. I've always said that I don't want to play mom to someone else children, especially if the children are with the fathers. Then too I have met a wonderful guys with children but that question keeps popping up in my head. What do you do?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by delph998

So ladies, how much of a compromise is age?

As long as you aren't old enough to have been a grown man when I was born. That means I wouldn't date men who are almost to 50.

I love men in the 37-43 range. That means you were 7-13 when I was born.

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by delph998

I'm 27, no children, never been married, so I don't know how I feel about getting involved with someone with that history.

Del, we are in the same boat. I think my compromise age range is between 5 to 8 years older. I would even consider going up to 10, but I feel like that's pushing it. I'm weird when it comes down to age!

As for kids, there was a point in time that I said I would never date a man with kids. Then, it seemed as if EVERYONE that I knew and/or met had a kid. There was some sort of baby boom in the late 90s! So, I pretty much decided that I had to get over it and deal with kids. However, as I have broadened my horizons and have met more people, I have come to know that there are still LOTS of guys out there WITHOUT kids.

Being as though I have never had kids of my own, nor do I have experience with a lot of kids, I don't think that I want to date a man with kids. If he was worth it, I would consider it, but I would rather they be small kids. I don't rock too well with juveniles or pre-teens, especially if they have a crazy mother. They are in that age range where their mom can plant wicked things in their head and they can act a fool. And I'm the type of chick that will act crazy right back with them! You can work with and mold toddlers.

Ultimately, my choice is to say no to kids.

[mariet58]

This is a very interesting thread and your comments have been thought provoking.

Give me an intelligent, self-sufficient, articulate, and jack of all trades blue collar man any day. My honey is two years older than I am, former military man, has been successfully employed as a mechanic for over 25 years and has a high school diploma. He makes more money than I yet he is more emotionally attuned to me than anyone other men I've dated in the past including college educated men. He has emotionally supported me since I began working on a graduate degree in January 2006. Looks fade overtime and people grow tired of playing games. Yes, my honey wears his work uniform daily yet I know in the evening that he's there with me.

Just my .08 cents.