Marrying Down?

Sugar08 · #1 05-07-2007, 01:52 PM

This thread is so interesting to me... it's reminding me of my bff, who was lately dating a slightly older guy (he's late twenties, we're early twenties) who doesn't have a college degree, is divorced, has two kids, and has a very intellectually unstimulating (not a word, I know) job.

BUT, he adored her, treated her very well, and is a good father to his children.

I have to admit that while I liked him as a person, I just didn't think he was on her level. She's working on her Master's, and has a very ambitious life plan, while he's kind of content to be where he is. She recently broke up with him, citing the fact that he doesn't seem to have any real ambitions (at which point, he announces that God has called him to be a preacher, and that he's going to be blessed, along with anyone who is in his life... needless to say, she didn't take that bait).

But it's such a tough one, because being treated well in a relationship is so important, and often hard to come by... and on the other hand, being with someone who shares your goals and plans is just as important (and just as hard to come by...)

DSTCHAOS · #2 05-07-2007, 02:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sugar08

But it's such a tough one, because being treated well in a relationship is so important, and often hard to come by... and on the other hand, being with someone who shares your goals and plans is just as important (and just as hard to come by...)

You don't have to pick one or the other.

The total package isn't hard to come by.

You have to exude those traits and surround yourself with people, places, and things conducive to finding a mate with those traits.

Sugar08 · #3 05-07-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

You don't have to pick one or the other.

The total package isn't hard to come by.

You have to exude those traits and surround yourself with people, places, and things conducive to finding a mate with those traits.

Touche'.

And on that note, I guess I WILL be attending the NAACP meeting on campus tonight...

PrettyBoy · #4 05-27-2007, 03:44 AM

I have a college degree and I'm working on another one, but I would marry a woman rather she had a degree or not. If I was physically attracted to her, and she loved and respected me, and shared the same family values as me then I would.

The thing I cannot deal with is a jacked up family background. If she comes from a mixed up, or ghetto family background, there's no way I would even consider it. I wouldn't care if she was fine with 50 degrees, I wouldn't do it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. To me, this is marrying down, because I want to marry a woman who has the same family values that I have.

RedefinedDiva · #5 05-27-2007, 12:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

The thing I cannot deal with is a jacked up family background. If she comes from a mixed up, or ghetto family background, there's no way I would even consider it. I wouldn't care if she was fine with 50 degrees, I wouldn't do it. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. To me, this is marrying down, because I want to marry a woman who has the same family values that I have.

A person's upbringing and family doesn't necessarily affect his/her family values. If someone's family is "mixed up" or "ghetto" and (s)he had enough sense and resilience to get "50 degrees," then obviously (s)he has a good head on his/her shoulders and wants something more than what (s)he has been taught. It's unfair to think that an "apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I know SEVERAL people (myself included) that may not have had a fairy tale upbringing and wishes to offer more to the family that (s)he may one day have. If you discredit someone based on something that is outside of his/her control, you could miss out on something great. None of us are able to choose our families, nor can we control or alter their behaviors, regardless of how hard we try.

Educatingblue · #6 05-28-2007, 08:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RedefinedDiva

A person's upbringing and family doesn't necessarily affect his/her family values. If someone's family is "mixed up" or "ghetto" and (s)he had enough sense and resilience to get "50 degrees," then obviously (s)he has a good head on his/her shoulders and wants something more than what (s)he has been taught. It's unfair to think that an "apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I know SEVERAL people (myself included) that may not have had a fairy tale upbringing and wishes to offer more to the family that (s)he may one day have. If you discredit someone based on something that is outside of his/her control, you could miss out on something great. None of us are able to choose our families, nor can we control or alter their behaviors, regardless of how hard we try.

AMEN! I think as our nation is moving away from traditional values, what you perceive as jacked could be normal to others. There are a lot of non-traditional families and even more single parents. We can debate why there are so many out of wedlock children, divorced parents, gay/lesbian parents etc., but being close minded is not a viable solution...It is what it is.

I think the best thing those of us who are married or plan to get married and have children can do is provide a stable home environment for our families. My parents have been married over 30 years, so my husband and I definitely strive to maintain a healthy and happy home environment.

Rachel0497 · #7 06-24-2007, 09:12 PM

I think that for me, it is more important that we have a similar social background rather than economic background. For instance, if he grew up "poor" but had parents that encouraged him to explore the world via books, volunteer opportunities, etc., that would be more preferable than a "rich" kid who wasted his youth with nonsense. I need intelligence, and THAT can be found no matter how much money you had/have.