Being a snoop?

lovethedove · #1 04-25-2007, 10:56 PM

So this has nothing to do with my intending to snoop through his e-mail. Basically, I was at home and needed some tape so I called the bf to see if it would be alright for me to get some (he was at work). He said okay and told me where to look. It was when I was looking for the tape that I found something I really wish I hadn't. It's nothing pertaining to cheating. It's just really not right (it's more of an ethical matter). Do I have a right to confront him? As I am posting this dilema on here, obviously it bothers me b/c with what I found, it tells me he's been lying to himself, his family, my family, his friends, everyone for, well, two years. Would ANYONE here actually be willing to stay with someone if they found out their s.o. has been living with a pretty big lie??? Would you listen to their side and accept it?

Kevin · #2 04-25-2007, 11:05 PM

It's a little hard to tell you without knowing what that lie is... It imagines how earth shattering it is. If you found a rock of crack, you are pretty justified in saying c'ya...

If you found that he's only paying minimum payments on his credit cards, maybe it's not so big a deal.

Kevin · #3 04-25-2007, 11:19 PM

It seems like the answer would be pretty common sense. Again.. unless we're talking about forgetting to pay one's income tax or hiding one's tips from the IRS, you probably should seek a mate who is not engaged in felonious activities.

susan314 · #4 04-25-2007, 11:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lovethedove

So this has nothing to do with my intending to snoop through his e-mail. Basically, I was at home and needed some tape so I called the bf to see if it would be alright for me to get some (he was at work). He said okay and told me where to look. It was when I was looking for the tape that I found something I really wish I hadn't. It's nothing pertaining to cheating. It's just really not right (it's more of an ethical matter). Do I have a right to confront him? As I am posting this dilema on here, obviously it bothers me b/c with what I found, it tells me he's been lying to himself, his family, my family, his friends, everyone for, well, two years. Would ANYONE here actually be willing to stay with someone if they found out their s.o. has been living with a pretty big lie???Would you listen to their side and accept it?

It would depend on the situation - what the lie was and what the motivation for telling the lie was.

For example, I'd be more likely to forgive something where he wasn't revealing the whole truth b/c the situation was something that caused him great personal embarassment vs. lying about something to manipulate friends/family. (Does that make sense? Hard to come up with a hypothetical example...)

lovethedove · #5 04-25-2007, 11:24 PM

I unserstand that completely. I feel that he'd probably do that due to embarassment. I understand that. Now, I'm not going to jump the gun and snitch on him. But I feel like I really don't want to be "a part" of the lie. In otherwords, yes, I found something I shouldn't have and now I think it would be best to just remove myself for the situation. Make sense? I'm sorry maybe I shouldn't have even posted this prob. it's just, when do you draw the lines on lying??

Quote:

Originally Posted by susan314

It would depend on the situation - what the lie was and what the motivation for telling the lie was.

For example, I'd be more likely to forgive something where he wasn't revealing the whole truth b/c the situation was something that caused him great personal embarassment vs. lying about something to manipulate friends/family. (Does that make sense? Hard to come up with a hypothetical example...)