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I'm of the "If it's over, it's over" mindset but have dated several men who were not. If I broke up with them, it's because I don't want to see them again. If they broke up with me, then I don't want to see them again because.. why would I want to be with someone who doesn't think we're a good fit? When I was dating a lot (after my divorce), I had several men say we couldn't go out anymore because they had worked things out with an ex and were going back to her. Perhaps it depended on who did the break up? I dunno. And, this phenomena started back when I was 16 and my 19 year old boyfriend decided to go back to his ex, so it's not just recent!
I do have several friends who have one ex that they have pined for and can't let go. I've never had that experience either. Perhaps for a few weeks or so, but never YEARS later. They beat themselves up over screwing up that relationship or compare every new guy to the "one that got away". Almost always, within months after the breakup, I think to myself "What did I ever see in him?" The only exception is my second husband because we had a great dating relationship and his deep seated issues didn't show themselves until the expectations of marriage and parenthood kicked in. However, he still reminds me often why I left him, even though I have very good memories of our dating relationship.
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