Rush - What to NOT do or say

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

I am a freshman at my school, I'm 20 and yes, I am married. I have already accumlated an excellent GPA (3.57), I ran for fresh. president and am currently being trained to become a mentor for local high school students. I never thought being married would effect rush....

You sound like you've compiled a fantastic "resume" of experiences since you've started college. That's a really, really strong GPA and the fact that you volunteer and are involved in campus leadership activities are very, very beneficial attributes in terms of recruitment.

The married thing though...yes, it most definitely could affect your recruitment (unless there is a LARGE number of married/nontrad. students at your school.) There have been several threads on bidding married women before and it varies from school to school. The general idea seems that the more traditional the school (or the more competitive the recruitment) the more difficult it is for a married woman to receive a bid. The reasons for this vary. However, the same concern keeps popping up: "How could a married woman find time for 15-20 hours a week for a new member program on top of her classes when she has a husband?"

If you and your husband have discussed recruitment and he's fully supportive of you going through and understands the time committment then more power to you. You should absolutely go through recruitment in the fall. I'm just saying that being married can -- and has -- affected PNM's recruitments before.

[VeniceIsSinking]

My husband is incredibly supportive and is encouraging me to do it. He was part of a professional fraternity when we were engaged and I supported him through it. Plus he works a lot and I always have free time to dedicate to something like this

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up. Sure it's a part of me, but it's not who I am entirely. Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

My husband is incredibly supportive and is encouraging me to do it. He was part of a professional fraternity when we were engaged and I supported him through it. Plus he works a lot and I always have free time to dedicate to something like this

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up. Sure it's a part of me, but it's not who I am entirely. Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

That's a very refreshing attitude. There's no reason in any circumstance -- from sorority recruitment to a job interview -- to offer up personal information if not asked. If you can show that you're going to be a dedicated, responsible new member then that's all you can do, regardless of your marital status.

Congratulations on being a newlywed (as someone who will join that group in a little over a year) and good luck with recruitment. Feel free to post your story in the fall if you feel so inclined.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up.

As long as you keep your left hand in your pocket the entire time.

Oh, and if the girl on Panhellenic you mentioned knows you got married, pretty much everyone probably knows already. This doesn't quite fall into the don't talk about boys aspect. When we say that, it's more like don't say things like "OMG Bryan the TKE was such a jerk/is the best kisser" only to find out that the president of the sorority is Bryan the TKE's sister, girlfriend or ex. Being married is a different matter.

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

The ladies just want to make sure you have the time to dedicate to the sorority, thats all. The majority of them probably have a hard time making their own schedules work, so they may not understand how someone who is married could do the same!

[AlphaFrog]

I'm pretty sure there's at least one, if not several NPCs that require married women to take alum status. In that case, that NPC would need to know, because it would be against their bylaws to bid a married woman.

Other then that, I can't really see it being THAT much different then rushing with a finace or steady bf, since many people are doing the live-in thing, and all.

[adpiucf]

Our Alumnae Panhellenic does a roundtable event locally with high school seniors in the winter to help them prepare for recruitment, and LSU is one of the schools we focus on. We invite reps from their Panhellenic, alumnae, etc., to come and speak about LSU recruitment. (as well as UT, A&M, SMU, Bama, Auburn, UGA, etc.-- the schools our local girls most often end up attending and rushing at...)

I'll be frank, and if you don't like this advice, you can certainly do what you wish. If you are at LSU or an LSU-type school, and you are not a freshman from a traditional background of having been to high school and being unmarried and having at least 2 alumnae recs per chapter, a stellar GPA and stellar activities, don't go through LSU recruitment. It's a very traditional competitive Greek System. If you do go through recruitment, do the informal recruitment events. Still, given your background, you may not feel like you fit in with the women in the chapters and I would suggest you try a non-NPC greek organization instead, perhaps a co-ed one, or even a community service group. There's nothing wrong with your background or the LSU sororities; but there are some key differences between you where you and they might be a better fit elsewhere. I'm not saying you wouldn't be a great member or a great fit; but based on your posts and what you have said about your background, that is just my honest take. Even coming from the most traditional background and having all of those traditional attributes and great grades/activities isn't a guarantee of getting a bid as a freshman, and those chances diminish even further the older you are/further along you are in college (a sophomore with a traditional background, great grades and who is head of the Orientation Team/Dance Marathon even will have a very hard time). I wish you the best no matter what you decide!

[VeniceIsSinking]

I guess I should contact someone at my school's greek office and find out the rules for the sorority chapters on campus regarding marriage.

My school is nothing like LSU. Things are a lot cooler here, imo.

I guess once I find out the rules for my campus chapters, and if things seem ok, I will work on getting recs and maintain what I already have going for me. Hopefully my personality, goals, accomplishments etc along with a few recs will be enough to garner a bid. I just really don't want to spend $40 on rush if I'm not going to get a bid because I will be a sophmore during '07 fall rush. I have a lot of undergrad ahead of me (double minor) so I will be here for awhile...

btw, thanks once again ladies for your input/advice... keep it comin'

[_Lisa_]

I know that Sigma Kappa does not have restrictions on accepting married women, but it does give them the option of becoming an early alumna.

[Tippiechick]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

I guess I should contact someone at my school's greek office and find out the rules for the sorority chapters on campus regarding marriage.
btw, thanks once again ladies for your input/advice... keep it comin'

I don't know how things will turn out for you. But, if you really want to rush, give it a try as long as you are aware that you are facing an uphill battle. It won't be easy.

Please edit your last post. It took most of us two seconds to know where you are rushing.

[KSUViolet06]

I know what school this is. It's not LSU by any means, but the majority of the girls who rush there are still traditional students. As with most things, you never know until you try, but the odds are definitely against you.

[adpiucf]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Hopefully my personality, goals, accomplishments etc along with a few recs will be enough to garner a bid. I just really don't want to spend $40 on rush if I'm not going to get a bid because I will be a sophmore during '07 fall rush. I have a lot of undergrad ahead of me (double minor) so I will be here for awhile...

btw, thanks once again ladies for your input/advice... keep it comin'

4 sororities would be a little less competitive. I do agree that you should talk to the office of Greek Life. They can't tell you your "chances," but you can ask how many sophomores, etc., were placed, out of those rushing.

Also, not to be nitpicky, but if you are hesitant to spend $40 on an activity now, have you budgeted to anticipate sorority dues? Your first semester is typically the most costly due to one time new member fees and purchasing a sorority badge, etc. Make sure you can assume the responsibilities of time and money if you are going to commit to this.

Also remember that in addition to grades and activities, your reputation is paramount. If you are on campus now, make sure to mind your attitudes toward others. Sororities respect individuality, but more importantly, you as a potential member must respect social conformity-- following membership decisions and such. There isn't a stereotype, but there is an culture to maintain-- the same as you would in the workplace. Call it image/reputation, but fitting in is key with any peer group. Don't change who you are to join, but reconsider joining if you feel any drastic changes would be required. I'm not trying to discourage your goals, but to be realistic. Definitely call the office of Greek Life and if you truly want to join a sorority through formal recruitment, a $40 investment with potential results that may not be to your liking should not be the deterrent.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

I just really don't want to spend $40 on rush if I'm not going to get a bid because I will be a sophmore during '07 fall rush.

I think above all else this bothers me...there is no guarantee that anyone will get a bid no matter how fabulous they are during recruitment, no matter what school they are at. Even if you weren't married, it might be a "waste" of $40, because you might not get a bid. Lots of fantastic people go bidless every year. It's not like Panhellenic refunds the money of all women who go through recruitment and don't get bids, or at least I've never heard of that being done. That's part of the risk involved with recruitment. Recruitment is not a guarantee. It might be the best $40 you've ever spent, or it could be a total "waste" if you don't get a bid.

Being as how I don't know you, your school, or the organizations on your campus, they may very well be cool with you or your non-trad. status, but they may not be. Before you do anything else, maybe you should contact the greek life office about the being married aspect and if recruitment is a possibility after that time, see if there are informal events you can attend this spring to get to know the organizations better.