Rush - What to NOT do or say

[UGAalum94]

If the person you had the run-in with at panhellenic was a personal friend of mine or a sorority sister, then I'd want to hear about it. I can't figure out why they would know about your grades or how you'd be being discriminated against. Without knowing more, I can't say, but if you were a jerk to someone I liked, then I might not want you as a sister.

I may be misunderstanding the situation.

But even so, where I went to school, a lot of people would be unlikely to even know this occurred, unless it happened in front of a lot of people. If the woman you had the run-in with isn't talking about, it wouldn't be a problem.

If your Gamma Chi hasn't told you that there was a problem, then I guess you're okay there. If you'd broken a rule, I think you'd know by now, and in my opinion, as long as you were really nice to her and she doesn't have to penalize you, she won't. But of course, I don't know.

[VeniceIsSinking]

Well here's the deal with the grades:

I was forced to leave high school because of my horrible health at the time. When my health stablized, I got my GED. I scored waaaaaaay above average scores (aka kicked serious butt). I also took the ACTS and got really high scores in everything but math (I had a terrible math score, but hey you kinda forget that stuff after 3 years!). I had a 34 in reading Anyway, the girl was trying to tell me that they had to have my hs transcript and that the test scores just weren't good enough. I told her I didn't have access to it because my HS is 1400 miles away, and will take quite some time for them to process a transcript of a student that didn't even graduate from there. She pretty much acted like I shouldn't have even bothered trying then b/c of something out of my control; even after I exlained why I have a GED vs. a HS diploma etc.

I was never rude to her, I never threatened her... I was just "professional" about it. If schools like LSU, LATech, NSU were able to look over the previously stated academic information to accept me as a student, why was I being treated that way (i never said that, but that's how i felt)? But since then she has written me a few emails, even congratulated me on my wedding, that's why I kinda assumed she's alright with me.


Oh and my Gamma Chi seemed understanding. I apologized tons of times during that conversation because I felt so horrible, haha.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Well here's the deal with the grades:

I was forced to leave high school because of my horrible health at the time. When my health stablized, I got my GED. I scored waaaaaaay above average scores (aka kicked serious butt). I also took the ACTS and got really high scores in everything but math (I had a terrible math score, but hey you kinda forget that stuff after 3 years!). I had a 34 in reading Anyway, the girl was trying to tell me that they had to have my hs transcript and that the test scores just weren't good enough. I told her I didn't have access to it because my HS is 1400 miles away, and will take quite some time for them to process a transcript of a student that didn't even graduate from there. She pretty much acted like I shouldn't have even bothered trying then b/c of something out of my control; even after I exlained why I have a GED vs. a HS diploma etc.

I was never rude to her, I never threatened her... I was just "professional" about it. If schools like LSU, LATech, NSU were able to look over the previously stated academic information to accept me as a student, why was I being treated that way (i never said that, but that's how i felt)? But since then she has written me a few emails, even congratulated me on my wedding, that's why I kinda assumed she's alright with me.

It seems like things are ok with you and panhel girl and I can't imagine the Gamma Chi thing really working against you, especially since it was before recruitment even started.

It's important to note that just because the schools decided to accept you after looking over your information does not mean that sororities will offer you the same consideration based on your extenuating circumstances. It's a whole different ballgame. However, if you got it all figured out with panhel and they let you go through recruitment then it's all good and you might as well try again. It sounds like the panhel member seems like she's on decent terms with you if she sent you a congratulatory email after your wedding, so there's no sense in worrying about it.

[VeniceIsSinking]

I honestly didn't really know what to expect. I had never known anyone in a sorority, I've never had exposure to them etc. Being around a lot of the girls in my glasses has given me some idea, but you never really know until you go through it yourself!

Thanks for the insight AchiO! Once I re-read, I realized it really isn't a big of a deal as it sounds in my head. ha. Silly perfectionist me

[UGAalum94]

I have no idea what will happen; I can't tell the future. When you go through rush and you join a great group, feel free to come back and tell me what a jerk I am.

But here's the deal as I see it: you may feel that you made the best decision that you could to drop out and get a GED, but it's not the typical decision for most girls who rush.

My guess, although I can't know for sure, is that it's going to hurt you unless, by now, you have a college GPA that you can use and it's good.

The information that the group is seeking is more than are you smart enough to get through college; they want to know what kind of student are you overall. (The colleges that admitted you, while selective, aren't probably as selective as the groups you want to join.) Are you hard working? Are you responsible? Are you going to make good grades in college? Will you represent the group well academically?

Your not having a transcript and being reluctant to call up your high school (no matter how far away) and request that they fax or mail you one, makes you look a little weird. (BTW, almost all high schools and districts will maintain records on all students maybe forever. Even when they send them away from your school because they don't store them there forever, they keep them someplace. With a couple of phone calls, you could find out where and get a copy.)

The fact that you've been out of school for three years (I'm going by your saying that you haven't had math in three years) but that you are just getting around to completing school is also going to seem a little weird. (If you were only a sophomore or something when you got sick, why wouldn't have you gone back to finish?)

I'm not trying to get into your business. You made the decision you wanted/had to make. But in general being a high school drop out is going to hurt you during rush and having an attitude about getting your transcript isn't likely to get people helping you to figure out how best to handle your situation and put it in the best light.

It may go better than I think. I may assume that the interaction about the grades was worse than it was; I as said, I have no idea what will happen. I hope it goes well. I'd like to think that having bad health when you were in high school wasn't still causing problems for you years later. Once you meet the groups, you'll have a much better idea, and they can see the person you are now. Good luck!

[AChiOhSnap]

Yes, Venice, you definitely are a "non-traditional" student in every sense of the word. You indicated that you go to school in LA, and the schools to which you applied are rather traditional (especially LSU) in terms of Greek life.

Because you are married, an upperclasswoman, and you didn't have the "traditional" HS experience, you'll probably have a more difficult time being placed than a freshman with a decent GPA and HS diploma.

If I can be perfectly frank, the more I read about you in your posts, the more I wanted to point out that the disagreement with the panhel girl and the work-recruitment mixup won't probably be the biggest deal -- but your being married/upperclass/no HS diploma might be a big deal to some organizations. I'm honestly not trying to be mean or rude, but I know you wanted to be totally prepared. And who knows... my good girlfriend goes to LSU and gave me some input on what it's like there...but if you go to a different school the Greek system might be completely different. Either way, there's absolutely no harm in trying as long as you're prepared for any obstacles you may face given your status.

[VeniceIsSinking]

Well I left HS in 2003, that summer I got my GED and that fall I went to college for half a semester. I had to leave that as well beacuse my mother was diagnosed with an incurable heart disease and it was my responsibility as her only child and only family to take care of her. So I spent 3 years doing that until she became stablized. I have medical documentation for all of that ^. The minute I could break free, I did.. then I moved and started at my school this fall.

btw, regarding the HS transcript. I did try to obtain one, but it was my HS that said it would be several weeks until I would get it. Simply because of their clerical organization. It would have been too late for Rush, so that's why I couldn't get it.

I am a freshman at my school, I'm 20 and yes, I am married (with no kids). I have already accumlated an excellent GPA (3.57), I ran for fresh. president and am currently being trained to become a mentor for local high school students. I never thought being married would effect rush....

[UGAalum94]

Well, all you can do is try, right? I hope it goes well for you.
It appears that you've done everything you can do to make yourself a strong candidate as far as grades and involvement.

If it turns out that the groups are looking only for 18 year old recent high school graduates, then try not to take it personally. You know that you've spent your time in a worthwhile way and that you've made the most of a tough situation.

I think most people value a happy marriage and family better than they do their GLOs, so if one "cost" you the other, you got the better end of the deal.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

I am a freshman at my school, I'm 20 and yes, I am married. I have already accumlated an excellent GPA (3.57), I ran for fresh. president and am currently being trained to become a mentor for local high school students. I never thought being married would effect rush....

You sound like you've compiled a fantastic "resume" of experiences since you've started college. That's a really, really strong GPA and the fact that you volunteer and are involved in campus leadership activities are very, very beneficial attributes in terms of recruitment.

The married thing though...yes, it most definitely could affect your recruitment (unless there is a LARGE number of married/nontrad. students at your school.) There have been several threads on bidding married women before and it varies from school to school. The general idea seems that the more traditional the school (or the more competitive the recruitment) the more difficult it is for a married woman to receive a bid. The reasons for this vary. However, the same concern keeps popping up: "How could a married woman find time for 15-20 hours a week for a new member program on top of her classes when she has a husband?"

If you and your husband have discussed recruitment and he's fully supportive of you going through and understands the time committment then more power to you. You should absolutely go through recruitment in the fall. I'm just saying that being married can -- and has -- affected PNM's recruitments before.

[VeniceIsSinking]

My husband is incredibly supportive and is encouraging me to do it. He was part of a professional fraternity when we were engaged and I supported him through it. Plus he works a lot and I always have free time to dedicate to something like this

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up. Sure it's a part of me, but it's not who I am entirely. Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

My husband is incredibly supportive and is encouraging me to do it. He was part of a professional fraternity when we were engaged and I supported him through it. Plus he works a lot and I always have free time to dedicate to something like this

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up. Sure it's a part of me, but it's not who I am entirely. Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

That's a very refreshing attitude. There's no reason in any circumstance -- from sorority recruitment to a job interview -- to offer up personal information if not asked. If you can show that you're going to be a dedicated, responsible new member then that's all you can do, regardless of your marital status.

Congratulations on being a newlywed (as someone who will join that group in a little over a year) and good luck with recruitment. Feel free to post your story in the fall if you feel so inclined.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Well based on the rules of conversation that many of you ladies posted, I would imagine this marriage thing will never come up.

As long as you keep your left hand in your pocket the entire time.

Oh, and if the girl on Panhellenic you mentioned knows you got married, pretty much everyone probably knows already. This doesn't quite fall into the don't talk about boys aspect. When we say that, it's more like don't say things like "OMG Bryan the TKE was such a jerk/is the best kisser" only to find out that the president of the sorority is Bryan the TKE's sister, girlfriend or ex. Being married is a different matter.

[_Lisa_]

Originally Posted by VeniceIsSinking

Anyway, I just found my soulmate early and honestly if a sorority is going to say I'm not a good fit based on my marital status, then that's not a sorority I want to be a part of. Ya hurrd?

The ladies just want to make sure you have the time to dedicate to the sorority, thats all. The majority of them probably have a hard time making their own schedules work, so they may not understand how someone who is married could do the same!