What would raise a yellow, or red flag on a 1st date for you?

[jubilance1922]

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

[southernelle25]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

Dionysus and Munchkin03 mentioned the family drama and control issues that can impact/destroy the relationship. I co-sign those and add that my main issue is with the potential problems my (future) children would have, should I decide to marry the guy. While I may not be marrying his family, I would be bringing a child into it; I want to feel comfortable about doing that. I want my children to be proud of both sides of their family. At a minimum, I want to protect them from having to descend from a family with a history of abuse, addictions, diseases, etc. Moreover, if something should happen to me or my family, I want to know that my children will be raised with a family whose values and traditions I respect.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

Jubilance, I totally agree with you in every sense.

Suffice it to say, however, that it's not just GCers that would cut a date/SO loose based on their family background. For a lot of people, the date would have to be VERY special in order to make the family dramarama worth it. I can see it from both sides, I guess, but I agree that it's horribly judgmental to rule out a person before getting to know them just because of what their family is like.

[AlexMack]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

I gotta agree. Tell her. Then when she starts stalking you, you can avoid her with the delete and ignore buttons.

[teena]

Yellow flags

-Really close friends with most recent ex
-Thuggy friends
-a lot of male gay friends
-no female friends
-dislikes his mother

Red flags
-No car
-Doesnt go to church
-No job
-wont shut up
-no sense of humor

[FAB*SpiceySpice]

Originally Posted by teena

Yellow flags

-Really close friends with most recent ex

I'm glad I'm not the only one who is a little uncomfortable with this, I know some people might say this makes me "insecure" or whatever but I don't care. I just think it's a little bizarre to be extremely close to the person you last broke up with, I mean wasn't there a reason why you guys are not together anymore? Who knows.


Also to echo Dolphinchica and Centaur (though this is not technically a "first date" thing) but if we're going somewhere over night or I'm staying at your place/you're staying at mine, please don't comment on my bag 'o drugs. I need those pills to stay alive and there is NO reason why you should even see them b/c I always take them in the bathroom (alone!). If you point them out, then I will know that you're really nosy and have been looking through my stuff (happened several times). And if I wanted you to KNOW what all those meds are for, I'd tell you.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by valkyrie

LOL, if you're a grown man and not a child, it's generally a good idea to, you know, grow a pair and tell a woman you're not interested instead of avoiding her.

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by southernelle25

If dude has a curl, s-curl, or relaxer/perm... red flag.

LMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAO!!!!! Yeah I wouldn't date a girl with a curl either.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by southernelle25

You are a trip.

I don't like ankle bracelets either. Definite red flag.

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by AKA_Monet

[hijack]

I was wondering where you've been and when you were going to post?!? Hope you had a nice holiday.

[/hijack]

Thanks, and I hope you had a nice T'giving, too. We were back in the Chi, so I was off the internets for a week.

[OOhsoflyDELTA#9]

Originally Posted by PrettyBoy

I don't like ankle bracelets either. Definite red flag.

Damn PB you're picky as hell.....what if she was beautiful, with a really good heart, from a good fam with upbringing that you approve of, but she wore an ankle bracelet during the summer or had 1 small tatoo?

Red for the anklet just seems severe....

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

Damn PB you're picky as hell.....what if she was beautiful, with a really good heart, from a good fam with upbringing that you approve of, but she wore an ankle bracelet during the summer or had 1 small tatoo?

Red for the anklet just seems severe....

I misread his post and thought he was joking about how his date being under house arrest would raise a red flag. Jeeez, I'm quick today....

My mom told me that, once upon a time, only super skanky women/prostitutes wore ankle bracelets. Maybe that stereotype still holds true in PrettyBoy's area.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

Damn PB you're picky as hell.....what if she was beautiful, with a really good heart, from a good fam with upbringing that you approve of, but she wore an ankle bracelet during the summer or had 1 small tatoo?

Red for the anklet just seems severe....

See that's the thing... Anything can be grounds for "dismissal"...

All those items he listed, with the exception of family, can be changed.

Homegirl with tattooes--laser surgery...
Fat girls: Exercise, nutrition and bariatric...
Hammertime in girl's hands and feet: manicures & pedicures every 2 weeks
Hair falling off in clumps: saved head style, wigs or weaves or if it's a sistah, au naturel...
Jheri Curled Hair: Braids that grown into locks... Takes 2-3 years... Can be nicely kept
Jacked up teeth: Visit to the dentist, get implants and brighteners
Bad skin: Visit to the dermatologist and plastic surgeon get work done
Overall malaise: Weight training exercise with core workout (i.e. yoga or pilates), visit to a motivational speaker or professional coach.
Odd and strange behavior unrelated to drug use: Visit to a psychological specialist and get therapy. Takes 2-3 years of stabilization with possiblility of medication...

Funky family: Prayer and honest discussion toward offending parts with professional mental healthcare provider present

Now basically, PB does not want to work with a woman thru her issues. He only wants to work on HIS issues with her... He needs to be by himself for awhile rather than unloading his miseries onto other unsuspecting women...

I do like what Valkyrie said though... Be man enough to tell homegirl you're dating what you did not like about her. Of course you will be selfish little prick, but hey, you have your standards.

It's about lifting as you climb.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Hmmm...I'm really surprised by some of the comments in this thread, especially the ones about family. I guess if that's working for some folks, then keep doing what you're doing. But it seems extremely judgemental to me to deem a person unacceptable because of the actions of their family. I know someone who didn't come from the greatest home life, she had a crack addicted mother, a brother in a gang, and a sister who was a teenage mother. Yet this woman did not fall victim to any of that, in fact, she finished school, got married, and raised 4 beautiful, well adjusted, law-abiding kids. And she did it all without having to cut off her relationships with her family...and her family wound up getting it together because she was such a good influence.

But then again, you don't get to choose your family, and you certain cant change the behavior of another adult.

As for me, the biggest red flag is judgement. I cannot stand a person who feels that they are better than other people, or that the way they choose to live their life is best for everyone. I live my life the way is best for me, and if you don't like it, you are free to move on to someone who is more "moldable".

I agree with what you said here. And how could I forget that red flag (judgement)? That really gets under my skin.

[PrettyBoy]

Originally Posted by OOhsoflyDELTA#9

Damn PB you're picky as hell.....what if she was beautiful, with a really good heart, from a good fam with upbringing that you approve of, but she wore an ankle bracelet during the summer or had 1 small tatoo?

Red for the anklet just seems severe....

I know, I'm very picky, and I don't expect her to be perfect, because I'm not perfect, but if she came from a good family background, I don't think she would be wearing a tatoo or ankle bracelet, but if she did, no I wouldn't want anything but friendship from her. I don't like tatoos, ankle bracelets, or body piercings. I'm just into plain jane girls from backgrounds similar to my own. The nerdy girls that are very attractive under the glasses is what I go after .