How many dates?

[blueangel]

A yes or no to what? Don't you find it a bit odd that any man would "declare feelings" on a third date?

He sounds needy.

[Scandia]

A yes or no regarding feeling the same way for him. A yes or no to whether to say that I wanted to be his girlfriend because he felt the same way for me.

And I do not find it odd. I am not very experienced with this. He said that "I enjoy being with you and I would like to see you some more. I cannot get you out of my mind, and when you were coming, my heart was beating fast".

One guy many years ago told me that at the end of the second date. True, we were friends who saw each other in school. And I could easily tell him "no", since he truly did not meet the requirements nor was I attracted to him. But this guy is MUCH different- and MUCH better.

Originally Posted by Scandia

We went on the third date.

He declared his feelings for me.

I told him I need some time, and I truly mean it. I could not give a definite YES or NO at the moment.

Wow, DTR on the third date. Scurry.

Originally Posted by blueangel

A yes or no to what? Don't you find it a bit odd that any man would "declare feelings" on a third date?

He sounds needy.

He should have just said "if you say no, tell me now so I can move on to someone who will say yes."

Scandia, it sounds like he doesn't want Ms. Right. He wants Ms. Right NOW.

[Scandia]

Well, if you want details, he did not say "I like you" (that guy of the other example did). He said "I have really enjoyed your company, and I would like to see more of you".

And when I asked him to say explicitly everything he wanted to say, because I was not particularly good/experienced with things like this (not to mention feelings), and he said that he could not get me out of his mind AND that when he was waiting for me and when I was coming, his heart was beating very fast.

Things that I am not feeling yet, but that there is nothing in him that would prevent them. No action or omission on his part.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by Scandia

And when I asked him to say explicitly everything he wanted to say, because I was not particularly good/experienced with things like this (not to mention feelings), and he said that he could not get me out of his mind AND that when he was waiting for me and when I was coming, his heart was beating very fast.

Things that I am not feeling yet, but that there is nothing in him that would prevent them. No action or omission on his part.

That's exactly it. Because there is nothing about his personality that would prevent you from having romantic feelings toward him, the fact that you haven't developed anything beyond platonic affection after three dates leads me to believe you should turn him loose.

If you remain friends and you develop feelings toward him in the future, then you can maybe explore those more at a later date. However, because he's declared his romantic feelings toward you -- that you do NOT share -- accepting any more dates from him would be stringing him along. It wouldn't be fair to him to accept his dates out of a sense of obligation to try to foster feelings you haven't already developed.

[Scandia]

Well, he has not asked me out for a fourth date yet. I asked him to give me some time- he said "all the time in the world". He is not pressuring me- THANK GOD. I will try not to pressure myself.

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises. If he does want biological children for sure, I WILL have to let him go. But otherwise, I cannot think of anything else.

I am glad he said it would not change anything. And I told him that we would always be friends regardless, since that is what we are. He seemed to understand.

I do wish him the best, whether it happens or not.

[TrueBlueKappa]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises.

You can't talk yourself into having feelings you don't have. Don't worry about your "type", red flags, and what a great person he may be. If there's no chemistry, then there's no chemistry. Plain and simple. No need to over-think things.

[UofISigKap]

Thank goodness for this thread. I just went out with someone new on Tuesday. The date was fine, conversation was fine, he was fine, everything was...fine. However, I felt guilty because although he's very nice, I just didn't feel anything for him and just see him as someone to hang out with. So, Scandia, I get what you're going though.

MTSUGURL, great advice!

[valkyrie]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common.

It sounds like what you're trying to decide right now is whether you should try to settle for this guy, because you think you might never find someone better. Only you can make that determination, but unless your biological clock is ticking and you want to start popping out the kids really soon (which isn't the case), I can't imagine why you'd even consider this kind of settling.

[33girl]

Stop saying he's your "type." It's something that will end with you in a crappy loveless marriage. Well, maybe I'm being dramatic, but still.

A lot of relationships and marriages eventually turn into friendships with no chemistry left - whether the 2 people involved can deal with that is up to them. Starting at that point is kind of like buying a bottle of 600 aspirin w/ a March expiration date on February 28.

[Peaches-n-Cream]

Originally Posted by Scandia

Well, he has not asked me out for a fourth date yet. I asked him to give me some time- he said "all the time in the world". He is not pressuring me- THANK GOD. I will try not to pressure myself.

I do feel like a fool for not feeling the same way for such a great person. There are very few good men left. And he treats me well, is my type, and we have enough in common. Not a perfect match- I would be lying if I said there were no negotiations- but certainly no red flags or even compromises. If he does want biological children for sure, I WILL have to let him go. But otherwise, I cannot think of anything else.

I am glad he said it would not change anything. And I told him that we would always be friends regardless, since that is what we are. He seemed to understand.

I do wish him the best, whether it happens or not.

There are not very few good men left. That kind of thinking makes women get involved with a nice guy for whom they have no feelings because they fear they will not meet anyone better. That's not fair to you or to him. You cannot force yourself to feel attraction or chemistry for someone no matter how nice or cute he is.

Dating can and should be fun. I hope that you meet someone with whom you feel a connection and that the feeling is mutual. Until then, go out and have fun.