S.O. wearing badge

[HONKY660]

Originally Posted by iMAX386

I know that Herff Jones sells the miniature versions of our badge that you asked about in the original post. They were selling them during this summers General Assembly. They're not that much smaller though and I easily mistook them for the actual full-size badge while I was there.

I've seen them on the jewlery order form things they give when they send the paedagogus's and constitutions for AM's. Just a bit noticeably smaller than the regular badge. I too "dropped" my girlfriend of 4 years, same as lavaliering. I asked the entire chapter for permision too, never have I gotten so much shit for something in my life. Very serious thing for my chapter. She too had her candlelight ceremony, made her other sorority sister mad because she hadn't been dropped and she was engaged to our president. My mom has a letter shirt that says mother over the letters. I don't really mind if girls wears letters or jackets, but I think giving a lavalier or badge would be pretty serious. Hard to think about giving another male a badge or lavalier though.

[Ottor 246]

Originally Posted by HONKY660

Hard to think about giving another male a badge or lavalier though.

I agree. The idea of giving a badge or letters to a man who is not a brother rubs me the wrong way. If a man wants to wear our letters, why can't he join the Fraternity and get them the same way we did? Giving a badge to a woman puts her "under the protection of the Fraternity." Presumably, a man should be able to protect himself.

After all, the original provisions are for giving badges exclusively to women. Mothers, but not fathers. Sisters but not brothers. See where I'm going?

Mark

[john1082]

I don't want to intrude into the realm of Fraternity law but it would seem to me that the word 'fiance' is the problem. How is the word defined? I don't think that Webster's defines it as ONLY the female half of the relationship.

In a jurisdiction that permits gay marriage then arguably there are two guys, each of who is the fiance of the other.

Under our present statute it would seem that giving a badge or lavalier to the non-member guy in the relationship would be permitted as he would qualify as a fiance. We all know what the INTENT was but the present day result of this old language could give an unintended result.

I know that there are Brothers who are gay. I know that many are in long term relationships. I have been to Fraternity functions where partners have been in attendance and welcomed openly. The world has changed.

But I can clearly see the ambiguity if a guy, who isn't a Brother, shows up wearing a badge or letters.

Perhaps a change is needed to the C&SC to address this. I don't think it could be gender based unless we want to risk a lawsuit in the future. We may see the use of the friendship pin in place of the badge or letters - that would be the simple solution.

[EM1843]

I just checked Webster's online and they define fiance as "a man engaged to be married," so it would seem to be defined as only the male half of the relationship. I see both sides of the argument. Balancing the possible confusion against those whom our brothers care about is difficult at best.

I think if the husband of a brother really wants to wear our badge he should commit himself to helping the chapter in order to be an honorary initiate.

[JonoBN41]

Interesting question.

It's all in the spelling and how many "e"s are in the word. My dictionary defines fiance as "a man engaged to be married", and fiancee as "a woman engaged to be married".

Our fraternity is already gender based in that we don't initiate women. And as Grits and Ottor pointed out, the Code is also gender based in allowing only female non-members to wear the badge (mothers, not fathers; sisters, not brothers). Therefore, limiting the wearing of our badge to female fiancees (and not male fiances) would be consistent with, and no more discriminatory than, the policies we've had all along.

The reasons should be obvious. A man wearing our badge is assumed to be an initiated member while a woman is not.

Furthermore, how would it look if the significant other of a gay brother was already a member of another fraternity? Would he wear his Lambda Chi badge a little lower than, say, his TKE badge? Oh, the horrors!

So in my opinion the answer is no.

As for legalities, I've never heard of any lawsuits brought by fathers or biological brothers just because they weren't allowed to wear our badge while their wives or sisters were.

Notice that all these statements refer to wearing the badge as opposed to simply having one. Many badges are in the possession of male non-members (such as sons and grandsons of deceased Lambda Chis, antiques dealers, and collectors), although they don't wear them.

As Ottor pointed out, there's no "Badge Enforcement Division", so no one is going to break down your door for giving a badge to a loved one as a token of affection. In my opinion it should be acceptable for a father, brother, or fiance to be presented with a badge, but improper for any of them to actually wear it. They could, however, wear a friendship pin, which would be a good alternative when attending events.

Does this make any sense?

ZAX,
Jono

[GammaZeta]

So...

Can a person in a homosexual relationship with a brother of LXA wear a pin or marker according to LXA guidelines?

[Tom Earp]

Jono, what you posted makes perfect sense.

gammazeta, I am not so sure, but this seemed to be covered above.

But as mentioned if two Brothers in a relationship they can then wear their Badges.

[Cube TX]

Originally Posted by HONKY660

I too "dropped" my girlfriend of 4 years, same as lavaliering. I asked the entire chapter for permission too, never have I gotten so much **** for something in my life. Very serious thing for my chapter. She too had her candlelight ceremony, made her other sorority sister mad because she hadn't been dropped and she was engaged to our president.

Well, I was around during that time Honky. The sorority sister in question who got all mad broke up with our brother about a week before their wedding, so in the end her getting upset over the drop was a distant memory.

The guys bugged you about the whole drop thing because your then-girlfriend was an easy target for the guys. Remember that she was always having to put up with the guys even before you two hooked up. Had it not been you and she then I doubt the guys would have made such a stink about it all.

Hmmm... did ANY of the couples from college stay together? All of those "serious" relationships sure ended in some ugly ways.

[GammaZeta]

Amazingly our chapter has had success in producing long term relationships.

One brother just recently got married to his sorority sweetheart that he met while associating with LXA.

There are also numerous other marriages and possible marriages that came out of our chapter.

I guess it's just luck I guess.

[docroc67]

Originally Posted by Cube TX

Hmmm... did ANY of the couples from college stay together? All of those "serious" relationships sure ended in some ugly ways.

Brother Cube,

Yes, Indeed! I meet my wife at a Lambda Chi party, she eventually became our Crescent Queen, we got married, and we will celebrate our 40th anniversary next August!

So, it can work out....

Yours in ZAX,

Mike Raymond,
Z-U Zeta

[HONKY660]

Originally Posted by Cube TX

Well, I was around during that time Honky. The sorority sister in question who got all mad broke up with our brother about a week before their wedding, so in the end her getting upset over the drop was a distant memory.

The guys bugged you about the whole drop thing because your then-girlfriend was an easy target for the guys. Remember that she was always having to put up with the guys even before you two hooked up. Had it not been you and she then I doubt the guys would have made such a stink about it all.

Hmmm... did ANY of the couples from college stay together? All of those "serious" relationships sure ended in some ugly ways.

Mielke's nasty broken engagement ended working out better for him, he found a nicer girl that wasn't in a sorority and now he has twins. As for me, I'm better off without her, and she's whore now anyways, you have probably heard the stories about her.

[Tom Earp]

LOL, reminds me of My Ex who was in a Sorority, Not to be named, and moved in with a Fraternity Brother from my chapter. We were both Alums and when I found out he was worried.

Well, she moved out on him as he was crazier than me!

He was worried I was upset.

Da!

Told him hey B, one gets married and maybe gets divorced, but We are Fraternity Brothers for life.

He and I are still good friends, have no clue where ex is!

[JonoBN41]

Every now and then Tom comes out with a good story, and this was one hell of a good one!

ROTFLMAO (<--- look I even used an emoticon)

[GammaZeta]

Tom has a lot more patience or understanding than me.

If that was me in his situation, it would turn out a bit differently.

[Cube TX]

Originally Posted by HONKY660

Mielke's nasty broken engagement ended working out better for him, he found a nicer girl that wasn't in a sorority and now he has twins. As for me, I'm better off without her, and she's whore now anyways, you have probably heard the stories about her.

Actually Mielke's wife, Patricia, had triplets but one sadly didn't survive the birth. His ex-fiancee moved to Washington DC and is destined to probably be the next scandal for the White House in 2010 or so.

By the way, it was good to see you on Saturday. I think I gained 20 pounds eating all those burgers. Yes, I have heard the stories about your ex... mostly from YOU, heheheheh.

I went out with a few Chi Omegas, but never anything serious. It's good that so many guys from other chapters went on to marry their sorority member sweethearts... unfortunately our chapter didn't have that kind of success. I honestly can't name a single one of the guys from our chapter who is still with his old college flame. It seems like they all had some UGLY breakups.