Things you want to say (but shouldn't) outloud at work

[APhi Sailorgirl]

I hate you all and I have no freaking idea how you all got the jobs you did, b/c you appear to have trouble getting dressed and tying your shoes each day.

[AGDee]

The longer I work here, the less money I make because the raises don't cover the increase costs for benefits. I won't be able to continue working here at this rate. I need a promotion.

[OrchidAlum]

Why the heck don't we have an emergency generator? And why don't the damn stairs go down to the parking lot?!?!?!

(the power went off in my office building about an hour ago... and it's still not back on)

[AlphaFrog]

I see your mouth moving, and I'm pretty sure there are words coming out, but all I'm getting is "blah, blah, blah".

[AGDee]

I have to eat crow now. My boss gave me an "out of sequence" raise for increased job responsibilities because he recognized how much I've been doing over the last year. These are practically unheard of in our building so I'm really shocked and thrilled that management thinks enough of me to do that for me. So, I take back all those previous posts.

[AOX81]

Could you be any more of tightwad?

Quit being a seagull manager! When you come into the office all you do it shit all over us and then leave!

[Phimuteach]

I'm sorry, But I don't think "I'm lucky" to get sent home and paid for a half day of work when I signed up for a full day. I have rent to pay and student loans out my rear. I'd rather do the work and get paid for the whole day LIKE I EXPECTED.

[GeekyPenguin]

YOU ARE A TENURED PROFESSOR STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR SO HARD STUFF FALLS OFF MY DESK YOU MAKE A BAJILLION DOLLARS AND YOUR HUSBAND MAKES A BAJILLION AND HAS FEDERAL BENEFITS AND YOU BOTH MADE A OOKAGILLION AT THE FIRM YOU WERE AT BEFORE SO EITHER STOP SLAMMING THE DOOR OR USE SOME OF YOUR MILLIONS TO BUY THOSE PADS THAT MAKE IT QUIET OR A RESEARCH ASSISTANT WILL GO POSTAL ON YOU.

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

Person 1: You apparently must've fallen asleep that day in kindergarten when they taught about using indoor voices. If you want to chit-chat with the person in the cubicle across the aisle, please walk over to her cubicle instead of shouting across the aisle. Thanks to your loudness, I now know your opinions about the latest pop songs and celebrity gossip, the lame jokes your friend forwarded to you (note: they are not laugh-out-loud funny despite your actual laughing out loud), and your latest baby-daddy drama.

Person 2: You are a moron. That is all.

[NinjaPoodle]

Originally Posted by SOPi_Jawbreaker

Person 1: You apparently must've fallen asleep that day in kindergarten when they taught about using indoor voices.

Hee hee...indoor voices, kindergarten...

[GeekyPenguin]

Yes I do have my own office because my boss brought me FIVE SUITCASES of work. Am I supposed to roll five suitcases of litigation, some of which are SEALED, to whatever room you work in just so you feel special?

[AOX81]

In response to an e-mail I received last Thursday... F*CK YOU!!!

As you are aware you will be receiving your profit share this week in your checks, it will add up to about 7.5 days.

Unfortunately.. there is no year end component profit bonus to be added to your checks, as we did not hit our year end legal entity profit, as was mentioned in our last meeting. As you are aware we must at least hit the year end legal entity to get anything on that item.

The miss on this part was certainly not due to any lack of effort on your part, it was merely an issue of higher than expected fleet costs and lower revenues versus the business plan. as we discussed as the year went on. We just could not overcome it.

I again thank you for all your hard work and dedication in 2006 and let's work towards better results in 2007.

We are already off to a much better start than 2006.

If you have any questions on the 2006 IC, please let me know.

thanks