Would you marry someone in the military?

[dekeguy]

[QUOTE=DSTCHAOS;1337873]
Extract quote:
Based on your opinion of the military, which goes back to my point. If we were talking about dating and marrying traveling salespersons, I doubt you'd go on a rant about how valuable these salespeople are to capitalism and how it's superficial to choose not to marry one just because it's inconvenient to you and your family.

===========================================

I agree with you regarding traveling salespeople, although I think they don't have the easiest job in the world. However, I was talking about people who go in harm's way lay it all on the line, not people who sell stuff out of a suit case. I would most likely have had the same or a similar reaction regarding paramedics, firefighters, cops, or any profession where one lays it all on the line, all of whom I hold in very high regard, and as I understand it all face difficult conditions in marriage.
And, rather importantly I think, we are looking at this from a crucially different vantage point. If I understand your comments, you are talking about dating and marrying, I am talking only about marrying. Quite a difference from my vantage point. I do not think either of us are playing at obfuscation so would it be fair to say that we are reading from similar but slightly different sheets of music?

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by dekeguy

I agree with you regarding traveling salespeople, although I think they don't have the easiest job in the world. However, I was talking about people who go in harm's way lay it all on the line, not people who sell stuff out of a suit case. I would most likely have had the same or a similar reaction regarding paramedics, firefighters, cops, or any profession where one lays it all on the line, all of whom I hold in very high regard, and as I understand it all face difficult conditions in marriage.

None of these logistics matter. It all boils down to people choosing what they will and will not deal with.

Originally Posted by dekeguy

If I understand your comments, you are talking about dating and marrying, I am talking only about marrying.

"First comes love, then comes marriage...."

[scbelle]

I have to chime in again. I as reading over the posts, and from what I see, I think all of the people who have said they couldn't marry a military man (or woman) all have very valid reasons for not wanting to do so. Some people have great careers that can take them places and they will not be able to pick up and move at the government's whim and keep their jobs from which they gain so much satisfaction. Some people are very close to their families and have never (and perhaps COULD never) had to move very far away from them. Some people are not good with all of the household responsibilities and will recoil when having to cook, clean, do yard work, take care of kids, pay the bills, maintain the automobiles, etc in the face of the absence of their spouse. Still others are not good with alone time and separation, and those times come a lot more often than not in the military.

So when someone posts that they couldn't marry someone in the military for whatever reason, I believe they are showing great strength of charachter and knowledge of self to realize that they are not cut out for the hardships military spouses have to endure. That is what I wish so many people would do before they got married, before they start a family they end up ripping apart. This thread makes me think of the military marriage vows:

If the Army wanted you to have a wife, it would have issued you one.
Dear Family and Friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the Department of the Army to witness this exchange of vows and see the love that these two dedicated, loving people have for one another.

"Wilt thou, Robert, take Debbie (who was once referred to as the "dependent"), as your Family Member, to dwell together in so far as the Department of the Army will permit?

"Wilt thou love her, comfort her via the Postal Service or over the phone, make sure she knows where the commissary, PX., and church are and what time she is scheduled to use the laundry room the day she arrives, wherever you are stationed? "Wilt thou attempt to tell her more than 24 hours in advance that you will be leaving for two weeks, beginning the next morning? This especially applies to the years you will live in a foreign country!"

"Wilt thou, Debbie, take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well, almost) Army Wife, running the household as you see fit and being nice to the Commander's wife?

Further, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your children, not once, but twice, and more often in the same day, that mothers do have husbands, that children do have daddies, and that the picture of the man on the refrigerator is not the milkman, but the same individual who tucks them in at 2200 hours, long after they are asleep. This soldier is their daddy, who loves them very, very much.

"Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite meals when he does come home, freezing them when he doesn't, send him all his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the kids, so he can remember what you look like? And last but not least, put on the outside of your door his "Welcome Home" sign when he's due to arrive?"

"I, Robert, take thee, Debbie, as my independent wife from 1900-2200 hours or as long as allowed by my Commanding Officer (subject to change without notice) for better or worse, earlier or later, near or far, and I promise to look at the pictures you send me, maybe not when they get to me in the field, but before I turn the lights out. I will also send a letter if time permits, and if not, to somehow, some way, make time."

"I, Debbie, take thee, Rob, as my live-in/live-out husband, realizing that your coming and going and 0330 staff meetings are a normal (although absurd to me) part of your life as a soldier. I promise not to be shocked or taken by surprise when you inform me that, although we've just arrived at our new duty station, we will be leaving within the month.

Yes, I'll have you as my husband as long as while you are away, my allotment comes through regularly, and you leave me a current power of attorney and the checkbook at all times. I am a Family Member and proud of it, dependent upon myself and my resources. Although I miss you when you are away, I know I can handle whatever comes across my path."

Now then, let no man or woman put asunder what God and the Department of the Army have brought together, only for them to soon say "Good-bye" to one another.

Robert leaves for his duty assignment to Germany tomorrow. Debbie will be joining him whenever the approval arrives. The Army hereby issues you this lovely, dedicated, independent woman, knowing that she'll be an asset not only to your marriage, but also to the Mission of the United States Army, which is, as you all know, to remain in a state of "Readiness."

By the authority vested in the Bible, elaborated in the regulations and subject to current directives concerning the aspect of marriage in the Army, you are now a Soldier with Family Member. Best Wishes and Good Luck. (Debbie Ann Stohlman, an Army Wife, lives in Wiesbaden, Germany)

Sorry it's so long.

[DSTCHAOS]

Originally Posted by scbelle

I have to chime in again. I as reading over the posts, and from what I see, I think all of the people who have said they couldn't marry a military man (or woman) all have very valid reasons for not wanting to do so. Some people have great careers that can take them places and they will not be able to pick up and move at the government's whim and keep their jobs from which they gain so much satisfaction. Some people are very close to their families and have never (and perhaps COULD never) had to move very far away from them. Some people are not good with all of the household responsibilities and will recoil when having to cook, clean, do yard work, take care of kids, pay the bills, maintain the automobiles, etc in the face of the absence of their spouse. Still others are not good with alone time and separation, and those times come a lot more often than not in the military.

So when someone posts that they couldn't marry someone in the military for whatever reason, I believe they are showing great strength of charachter and knowledge of self to realize that they are not cut out for the hardships military spouses have to endure. That is what I wish so many people would do before they got married, before they start a family they end up ripping apart. This thread makes me think of the military marriage vows:

If the Army wanted you to have a wife, it would have issued you one.
Dear Family and Friends, we are gathered here today in the sight of God and the Department of the Army to witness this exchange of vows and see the love that these two dedicated, loving people have for one another.

"Wilt thou, Robert, take Debbie (who was once referred to as the "dependent"), as your Family Member, to dwell together in so far as the Department of the Army will permit?

"Wilt thou love her, comfort her via the Postal Service or over the phone, make sure she knows where the commissary, PX., and church are and what time she is scheduled to use the laundry room the day she arrives, wherever you are stationed? "Wilt thou attempt to tell her more than 24 hours in advance that you will be leaving for two weeks, beginning the next morning? This especially applies to the years you will live in a foreign country!"

"Wilt thou, Debbie, take this soldier as thy wedded husband, knowing that he is depending upon you to be the perfect (well, almost) Army Wife, running the household as you see fit and being nice to the Commander's wife?

Further, you understand that your life with your husband (little that you may have together) will not be normal, that you may have to explain to your children, not once, but twice, and more often in the same day, that mothers do have husbands, that children do have daddies, and that the picture of the man on the refrigerator is not the milkman, but the same individual who tucks them in at 2200 hours, long after they are asleep. This soldier is their daddy, who loves them very, very much.

"Wilt thou love, respect and wait for him, preparing his favorite meals when he does come home, freezing them when he doesn't, send him all his favorite cookies and pictures of yourself and the kids, so he can remember what you look like? And last but not least, put on the outside of your door his "Welcome Home" sign when he's due to arrive?"

"I, Robert, take thee, Debbie, as my independent wife from 1900-2200 hours or as long as allowed by my Commanding Officer (subject to change without notice) for better or worse, earlier or later, near or far, and I promise to look at the pictures you send me, maybe not when they get to me in the field, but before I turn the lights out. I will also send a letter if time permits, and if not, to somehow, some way, make time."

"I, Debbie, take thee, Rob, as my live-in/live-out husband, realizing that your coming and going and 0330 staff meetings are a normal (although absurd to me) part of your life as a soldier. I promise not to be shocked or taken by surprise when you inform me that, although we've just arrived at our new duty station, we will be leaving within the month.

Yes, I'll have you as my husband as long as while you are away, my allotment comes through regularly, and you leave me a current power of attorney and the checkbook at all times. I am a Family Member and proud of it, dependent upon myself and my resources. Although I miss you when you are away, I know I can handle whatever comes across my path."

Now then, let no man or woman put asunder what God and the Department of the Army have brought together, only for them to soon say "Good-bye" to one another.

Robert leaves for his duty assignment to Germany tomorrow. Debbie will be joining him whenever the approval arrives. The Army hereby issues you this lovely, dedicated, independent woman, knowing that she'll be an asset not only to your marriage, but also to the Mission of the United States Army, which is, as you all know, to remain in a state of "Readiness."

By the authority vested in the Bible, elaborated in the regulations and subject to current directives concerning the aspect of marriage in the Army, you are now a Soldier with Family Member. Best Wishes and Good Luck. (Debbie Ann Stohlman, an Army Wife, lives in Wiesbaden, Germany)

Sorry it's so long.

Good post.