Bad Boys

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

In my own life, I've come to discover that I liked being with guys who were nasty to me because I wanted the drama. It kept them at a distance so I could protect my heart. I now have a "nice guy" with whom I can really be vulnerable. That's what I wanted all along but I was just scared.

You hit the nail on the head right here.

[OtterXO]

Originally Posted by Scandia

I do not like wimpy, co-dependent people period. I find people with inner strength, independence, and many hobbies/interests/activities to be better friends anyway.

And I do wish that people would stop using the word "nice" as a synonym for "doormat", "desperate", or "phobic". I could never be turned off by someone who is "too nice"- but if he is not my type, or if he is way too phobic, or if he is lazy or unintelligent or any other majorly bad qualities, then no amount of niceness can compensate for that.

I wasn't using it as a synonym. My boyfriend is a very nice guy and treats me very well....however he is NOT a doormat/wimpy/desperate. My point was that in my experience, guys who complain about being "too nice" or whine "why do nice guys always finish last?" are typically focusing on the wrong problem. The actual problem being that they are acting doormat-ish/wimpy/desperate.

[KSig RC]

I'm not afraid to choke a bitch, if that's what this thread is about.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by KSig RC

I'm not afraid to choke a bitch, if that's what this thread is about.

LMAO!! I haven't seen that in a while.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

In my own life, I've come to discover that I liked being with guys who were nasty to me because I wanted the drama. It kept them at a distance so I could protect my heart. I now have a "nice guy" with whom I can really be vulnerable. That's what I wanted all along but I was just scared.

What were you afraid of.

[Marie]

Originally Posted by starang21

women still want a man who's a man. soft/sensitive/cry-baby dudes don't get the girls.

Agreed. It is natural for women to look for strength and stability in their mate. Personally, I expect a potential mate to be strong when I'm not, have a clear vision for our future and a clear plan to take us there. A man who provides me no more strength and support than one of my girls is insufficient. This doesn't mean that the guy needs to be abusive, a player, or have no weaknesses whatsoever. What I often find, though, is that guys who complain about being rejected for being 'too nice' are often setting their sites on a 'particular' kind of girl as well. If you find yourself constantly seeking out girls with insecurities or superficial interests, then it is not surprising that you would fall short of their needs.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by KAY10

What were you afraid of.

For me, there have been a number of things both on the surface and deeper down. One issue is faithfulness. Would I be cheated on? The worst type of cheating is the emotional kind. Physical cheating is horrible, but honestly, I'd prefer it over emotional cheating.

Trust is also a serious concern. Can I tell this guy my hopes and dreams? Will he laugh at me? Will he steal them?

When I was with the bad boys, I never had to worry about them cheating emotionally (though they did cheat physically) because they didn't have enough depth to get to that point with me or anyone else. As for trust, I never shared my most precious thoughts and desires with them and they never asked for that information.

A good man, to me, is one who will guard our relationship with physical, mental, emotional and spiritual protection. But, that includes allowing me to be vulnerable without fear of attack or betrayal. So, he's got to have a good heart. I wanted a complete man...one who was manly, but also one who had the depth to really understand me. And, that's what I have.

[Rudey]

I have said "Am I gonna have to choke a bitch" to many girls, and not a single one understood where it was from and they all probably thought I was psycho.

-Rudey
--Why do white people like Wayne Brady so much?

[BobbyTheDon]

Originally Posted by Rudey

I have said "Am I gonna have to choke a bitch" to many girls, and not a single one understood where it was from and they all probably thought I was psycho.

-Rudey
--Why do white people like Wayne Brady so much?

I don't even know what this thread is about. But Broski, I love wayne brady. I also love Bryant and greg Gumble. don't forget, Tiguh Tiguh Tiguh Woods yall!

[KAY10]

A guy that knows how to treat a lady doesn't classify him as a whimp or desparate. I think men who commit to women that have been out there and with the bad boys are in for a lot of problems.

[preciousjeni]

Originally Posted by KAY10

I think men who commit to women that have been out there and with the bad boys are in for a lot of problems.

Why do you say this?

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by preciousjeni

Why do you say this?

Let me explain it this way. Here's what happens, the bad boys usually cheat, physically abuse and verbally abuse their women. After the bad boy is out of her life, and she gets older then she wants a nice guy, and when I say nice guy I'm speaking of a gentleman, not a whimp, of a man that's as soft as drug store cotton. Well the bad boy or thug has made her so insecure with herself by cheating on her or abusing her in some way that when she ends up with the nice guy, those insecurities are still there. Now he has to deal with the insecurities based on who she dated in her past. I hear it a lot. A lot of women love thugs. I mean when she's young, but when she gets older she starts thinking of a man that she can raise a family with, because she knows she can't raise a family with a thug. I just can't see being the rebound guy, especially after some thug. But women seem to get it confused. They tend to think because a guy treats his woman right, that he's soft. That's not true. To me the thugs are the ones that are soft. Any man who puts his hands on a woman will not hit a man. I know that. Now, to me, a man like that is definitely as soft as Rite Aid drug store cotton. The good kind too.

[JonInKC]

"Boys will be boys,
bad boys, bad boys,
boys will be boys,
bad boys, bad boys"

[SOPi_Jawbreaker]

I don't remember where I read it, but I had come across and article awhile back on this topic. Basically, it was about how girls don't want the "nice guys" because the "nice guys" take too long to make a move. Since they've been so careful not to even seem like they're anywhere near crossing any boundaries, she's already categorized him as platonic/non-sexual/eunuch friend material. If a guy wants to get a girl, he has to come across as a sexual being from the get-go. It doesn't necessarily mean be an asshole. But if you look at these assholes that treat women like shit, you'll see that they just walk around exuding their sexuality. A woman meets one of these bad boys and she can just instantly feel that this is a sexual man. If you want to be able to get a girl, you don't have to be an asshole, but you have to be kinda flirtateous. Gently touch her or lean in close when you talk to her. Let her know from the get-go that you're interested. Because if she's not getting these signals that you're interested, you'll get mentally lumped into the same compartment as her brother. And once she's subconsciously labeled you as a non-sexual being, you've got no chance with her.

[Scandia]

You do not need to be sexual from the very beginning.

However, if she makes a move and he does not seem interested, it will be harder for her to get her hopes back up.

And I do agree that a thug is wimpier than a gentleman.