Don't Marry Career Women

[Munchkin03]

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

[macallan25]

Agreed.

[GeekyPenguin]

If one of us stays at home it would be the Mister. I don't want to put my HAAAAHVARD degree to waste.

[jubilance1922]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I don't plan on working when I have children, either. I might work from home part-time to keep my licensure active (I'm an architect), but it won't be my main thing. The quality of a family's life is just so much higher if one person stays at home.

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

I definately want to be home with my children when they are little, but I don't want to give up on my career aspirations either. My mom didn't have to, and I don't think I should have to either.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by jubilance1922

Not necessarily. Both my parents worked, and my mom worked AND went to school at night. But she made it to every parent-teacher conference, basketball game, and play. In fact, my siblings and I are all extremely close to my mom. Why? Because she was always there when I needed her. I didn't need her to be home with me after-school; in fact, her NOT being there made me more independent and responsible.

It's not an issue of who goes to what (FWIW, my stay-at-home mother rarely went to any of my events), it's who takes care of the home. I live with my SO, and by the time that we both get home, neither of us has the energy to cook, clean, or have quality time as a couple. The quality of our home life suffers, and I can only imagine it getting worse if we have children unless we hire help. One of the most important things about creating a home is having a person who invests much of their time to the home and the people who occupy it.

There's a book of essays about this topic called "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife," by Caitlin Flanagan. It's a great book--one of my favorites.

[amycat412]

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by amycat412

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.

I guess I did sound kind of Ward Cleaverish. Men can stay at home too; in fact, my best friend from college's dad stayed at home while his wife did Big Law here in NYC. I just think I have higher standards for the Munchkin Household than the Mr. does, ya know?

[DSTRen13]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

I guess I did sound kind of Ward Cleaverish. Men can stay at home too; in fact, my best friend from college's dad stayed at home while his wife did Big Law here in NYC. I just think I have higher standards for the Munchkin Household than the Mr. does, ya know?

My "Mr." is so much pickier than me, lol. He is constantly horrified my comments I make about childcare, cooking, home maintainance, etc. - there's no way he'd dare let me do it all by myself, since I have apparently been judged completely unfit

[SouthernSweet]

Well, there is always the flip sides to everything.

My neighbor's parents have been married for over 25 years and his mother has never worked a day in her life, never went to college, lived the classic "country club wife" lifestyle...imagine her shock when her husband came home one day and announced that he was moving out because he had filed for a divorce....she is getting a job for the first time in her life in her 50's...because she HAS to.

When I was in my early 20's...I used to ponder the same thing, career vs being a stay-at-home mom, etc.

The problem is, you never know where life takes you anymore, and sometimes options that you think will be an option, in the end, you really don't have a choice in.

I am now a single parent, and vowed my ENTIRE life that was never going to happen to me...and it did. I have friends that thought they had rock-solid marriages, and discovered, 2,3, and 4 kids later, that they don't and are now divorced, dealing with step-children, custody battles, etc.

My hard earned life advice is this: Don't plan too far in advance...because you never know who you will fall in love with, and what can and cannot do with your career, work vs not working, becomes a JOINT decision and made on what is best for your marriage and your family, or whatever circumstances you find yourselvs in.

[KAY10]

Originally Posted by SouthernSweet

Well, there is always the flip sides to everything.

My neighbor's parents have been married for over 25 years and his mother has never worked a day in her life, never went to college, lived the classic "country club wife" lifestyle...imagine her shock when her husband came home one day and announced that he was moving out because he had filed for a divorce....she is getting a job for the first time in her life in her 50's...because she HAS to.

When I was in my early 20's...I used to ponder the same thing, career vs being a stay-at-home mom, etc.

The problem is, you never know where life takes you anymore, and sometimes options that you think will be an option, in the end, you really don't have a choice in.

I am now a single parent, and vowed my ENTIRE life that was never going to happen to me...and it did. I have friends that thought they had rock-solid marriages, and discovered, 2,3, and 4 kids later, that they don't and are now divorced, dealing with step-children, custody battles, etc.

My hard earned life advice is this: Don't plan too far in advance...because you never know who you will fall in love with, and what can and cannot do with your career, work vs not working, becomes a JOINT decision and made on what is best for your marriage and your family, or whatever circumstances you find yourselvs in.

You're right. Marriage is so messed up today, it's insane. My parents have been married for 43 years and before they retired both of them worked in their careers. The divorce rate today is over 60 percent. My parents told me today, it's not a we or us thing, it's about me or I. If things were like they were years and years ago, then maybe I would marry, but now?? Hell no.

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by SouthernSweet

Well, there is always the flip sides to everything.

My neighbor's parents have been married for over 25 years and his mother has never worked a day in her life, never went to college, lived the classic "country club wife" lifestyle...imagine her shock when her husband came home one day and announced that he was moving out because he had filed for a divorce....she is getting a job for the first time in her life in her 50's...because she HAS to.

When I was in my early 20's...I used to ponder the same thing, career vs being a stay-at-home mom, etc.

The problem is, you never know where life takes you anymore, and sometimes options that you think will be an option, in the end, you really don't have a choice in.

I am now a single parent, and vowed my ENTIRE life that was never going to happen to me...and it did. I have friends that thought they had rock-solid marriages, and discovered, 2,3, and 4 kids later, that they don't and are now divorced, dealing with step-children, custody battles, etc.

My hard earned life advice is this: Don't plan too far in advance...because you never know who you will fall in love with, and what can and cannot do with your career, work vs not working, becomes a JOINT decision and made on what is best for your marriage and your family, or whatever circumstances you find yourselvs in.

Excellent points.

[KSigkid]

Originally Posted by amycat412

Wow some of the responses about women stayin' home make me feel like we're in the 1950s.

But sadly, it does resonate. I CHOOSE to be single because my overriding ambition scares most men. And I'd rather be who I am, follow my dreams and have fun than make myself less than I am to be in a relationship with someone who believes my place is in the home popping out babies.

But for some women, they want to stay at home "popping out babies." They work until they have a child, and then they stay at home or work part time. Some women would rather be themselves and stay at home, rather than be someone else and be a career woman.

In the interests of full disclosure, my wife is a career woman, so I can understand that point too.

[blueangel]

Originally Posted by KSigkid

But for some women, they want to stay at home "popping out babies." They work until they have a child, and then they stay at home or work part time. Some women would rather be themselves and stay at home, rather than be someone else and be a career woman.

In the interests of full disclosure, my wife is a career woman, so I can understand that point too.

And that's fine too. It's all about choice.

[KSig RC]

These threads are always retarded, because the level of assumption is through the roof.

Amy, some dudes are probably scared off by your "RAR POWER WOMAN CAREER" status, some are probably scared off by your (comparatively) 'celeb-familiar' lifestyle, and some are probably scared off by your height.

However, some dudes (shinerbock, for instance) just have a different view of what they want from their lifestyle - and honestly, it's not a bad goal, to make enough to give your wife the option to stay at home. It's not implicitly denigrating to women - he's not saying "AND I'LL BEAT THE PISS OUT OF HER IF SHE TALKS BACK" or anything, at least that I know of - it's just a different idea of what is ideal.

It's just that it's not even a discussion - it's a celebration of how our way is best for us (which is probably only partially true), and it never actually goes anywhere. If anything, it should be a reminder of why forcing shit with a significant other is a worthless task - no one really hears other people about this sort of thing. That's why it amazes me when people are contemplating marriage, but fighting over simple ideas like "Should we have kids?"

These kinds of things epitomize compatibility issues.

[Rudey]

Yeah I think I'd beat the piss out of my wife if she talks back.

-Rudey
--Now what you cooters?