Co-worker?

adpiucf · #1 07-20-2006, 09:50 AM

I don't recommend dating a co worker, unless you belong to a company of over 1000 people and you have zero daily interaction.

Scandia · #2 07-20-2006, 10:03 AM

He works in the same headquarters library I work at. There are over 120 employees in it. Transfering to another branch (whether lateral or promotion) is rather easy.

He is not in my same department. He is a Library Technical Assistant (does computer instruction). I am a Youth Services Librarian. He covers one reference desk in shortage situations (like we have right now), but he has a different supervisor. In fact, our chains of command do not coincide till at least the chief of the main library (3 people above me), and probably higher than that.

Two co-workers got married earlier this year. They had met while working at the main library. Again, different titles and chains of command. The wife was transfered to another library in the system after the marriage. I do know of another couple who worked in the system (did not meet through the system, though) where the husband could not get promoted to be the head assistant of the branch where the wife worked at, even though he would not be her supervisor. Another couple did meet and marry and worked at the main library for a while- but he was in the IT department and she was a reference librarian so there was minimal interaction in the workdya. And there is another married couple in the system- but she's at the main library and he's the chief of a couple branches, so again very little interaction.

I hope that he makes the first move. I truly do. I may be very outgoing and assertive, but I do fear rejection. It is hard for me to stay patient.

adpiucf · #3 07-20-2006, 10:23 AM

In a work environment of 120, I don't recommend it. Sorry to be a pessimist. In a perfect world, he'll propose to you in the library stacks and it will be all roses and kittens. But the reality is that you might date, people will snicker about you behind your backs and rumors will fly, you'll get on each other's nerves because you're together 24/7, you'll be less productive at work as a result ... and when you break up one or both people will have to endure the pain of getting over it knowing that the cause of their heartache is sitting at a desk a few feet away. Not worth it.

On that note, don't date anyone from the gym either.

xo_kathy · #4 07-20-2006, 11:42 AM

Eh, I don't agree with the others. I met my husband at work.

We worked in the same department and while he was not MY supervisor, he was a superior. However, we didn't "officially" start dating until the last week I was there, but we had our share flirting and lunch dates before I left. Also, given your environment (I would assume a library to be a it more laid back than an investment bank), I think it would be fine. And if you don't work with him constantly, if it doesn't work out I doubt it would get that awkward.

All that said, I'd give it a little more time before you push a date. I'd go with the sitting by him at lunch, or casually tell him your heading to lunch "wanna come", that kind of stuff. Do a little more casual, getting to know you stuff at work. Give him some time to see what he's thinking, too. Remember, he's brand new, he might be really nervous to ask someone out at work for fear of getting in trouble. In a month or so, if nothing progesses, then I'd do the "wanna go see an anime movie" thing.

OtterXO · #5 07-20-2006, 03:55 PM

I would just take it very slow if you do decide to "put the moves" on this guy. Anything fast will potentially freak him out or cause drama at work....both of which are undesirable, clearly. You just need to be comfortable with the fact that if things don't work it WILL be awkward everyday and you will probably want to get a new job in that case (speaking from experience). But, like Kathy said, sometimes it can end in happiness too....so be aware of the risks but go for it!

Scandia · #6 07-20-2006, 04:51 PM

Well, our talking to each other comes easily for some reason. I am more extraverted than introverted, but not by much. And now the confidence will come even easier given how much we like some of the same things. Plus there are some other things that do give me an edge.

His desk is in a different building than mine- library has two buildings connected by a tunnel. I do not know if he has started going out to the E-libraries yet, or if he is just teaching the computer classes in our main headquarters.

I do want to be friends first and take things slowly and easily. But I do fear that if I do not act "fast enough", either someone else will snag him or he will get the wrong idea about me. Again, I am not good with relationships and romance.

JonInKC · #7 07-21-2006, 12:22 AM

I think you should just go for it. Like I told that judge one drunken Thursday morning, "You can't put a restrainin order on my heart". I'm not sure if that's relevant or not. Oh well.