Blutang, my bfriend just lost his mother in June and I am trying to support him through the mourning process so I have an idea of what you may be going through. First, I think that the support group is a good idea and getting her out of the house and bringing her to your house for a while is also a very good idea. You have got to get her out of that house that she shared with her mother. She may be drowning in memories - everywhere that she turns in that house, she is reminded that her mother is no longer with her. Also, does she have family in town? Can she stay with them when she is not able to stay with you? I read that it is helpful to stay with others that are going through the same mourning experience with you, as well as those who are not - the former can relate and the latter can *distract* you so to speak and discuss *other* things with you. My bfriend went and stayed for the first few weeks with his dad and sister after things happened. For him, it soothed him to go to the house where his mom lived - b/c there were others there that were suffering with him and he could share his most intimate concerns, sorrow and fears with them b/c they all shared the same memories. However, it sounds like she may be all alone in that house and it is probably just too overwhelming. For example, my bfriend had to take down the pics of his mom in his house b/c it was too overwhelming. Getting her out of that house will definitely help.
Sometimes the person, if he/she is very independent, will not easily take your help and they will *DEFINITELY* not ask for it easily, so just be gentle but instead of asking, just let the person know what you will do. If she is that type, for example, instead of saying "do you want me to drop by after work" say "i'm going to drop by after work, ok, and maybe we can go out and get something for you to eat." Or instead of saying "do you want to come and stay with me for awhile" say "i'd love it if you came and stayed with me for awhile."
It's hard to support the person too b/c you need to respect that they will need to be alone sometime to mourn in the way that maybe only she can mourn when she is all alone but if she is talking about her own funeral, I would be adverse to leaving her alone. Perhaps you can let her know that she would still have her privacy at your home so then she will not feel like she needs to always be talking to you or doing something with you if she comes to stay with you for awhile.
It is so important to help her think of other things in life too in my opinion. I didn't tell my bfriend to stop thinking about it, I just casually brought up other things sometimes. Like I would ask if he wanted to go get something to eat or go work on the lawn and I'd help, soemthing to give his mind a break from it all and give him a glimmer of distraction in this sad time. He doesn't talk a whole bunch about it (just every now and then), however, since your girl is a woman, and we tend to share more (his sister has shared with me a great deal), she probably would welcome sharing her feelings about it. I posted a link in the Delta Sigma Theta thread "Talking to Kids About Death" that gives tips about the things not to say and how to support a friend through it.
Good luck and PM me if you want to discuss more. I really do feel you.
SC
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Originally Posted by Still BLUTANG
thanks for the link, i'll check it out.
she is an adult.
her mom recently passed and i know this isn't just something you "get over"... but but as a non-professional on the outside looking in, it seems like her mourning process is getting ?worse? (i don't know how to describe it any better) as the days go by. she's an only child and still lives in the home she shared with her mother.
i'm getting phone calls and emails from mutual friends / her coworkers that are concerned about her... i feel like we're letting her slip away if we don't do something. is an intervention-type thing appropriate?
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re-telling my story...somewhat
Hybrid Mode
