Tacky wedding "invitation"

AOII_LB93 · #1 07-03-2006, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PhoenixAzul

My SO and I were discussing what to do about invitations. There are some people that we need to invite, but we know for whatever reason may not come (distance, illness, children, etc). Since we're not having a destination wedding, we were discussing putting a "bride and groom are registered at XYZ, but would appreciate donations to X foundation in their name as well." We figured that the donation idea would save a lot of people a lot of time...no shopping, no shipping, they can just fire up the computer and donate through the net or write a check. It's also not a "what will we get them, is this too much from us, is this enough?" problem...they donate what they want and that's that. If you know a particular foundation this couple is partial to, that's what I'd do. I'd make a donation (in appropriate size) in their name and send them a card explaining.

Every wedding website and etiquette book I have read has always said not to include anything about gifts with the invitation. There are numerous ways people can figure out where you are registered: phone calls, internet, etc...
Be careful when you think people won't show up...I have a friend who did that, and a bunch of the folks she thought wouldn't come, did.

OleMissGlitter · #2 07-03-2006, 02:10 PM

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

Buttonz · #3 07-03-2006, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OleMissGlitter

A friend of mine who did a destination wedding only had her dearest family and friends with her down in Hawaii. Then when the couple returned home they sent out invitations to a party their parents hosted for them that said something like, They tied the knot down in their favorite spot or something like that. It was done very nicely and their party was huge. They didn't register for gifts because they didn't need anything since they had been living together already but of course some guests did bring them gifts.

I can't stand it when someone I barely know invites me to their wedding and includes like a card with the places where they are registered....this girl I had one class with in college invited me to her wedding, I was like who is this? I think some people invite everyone they've ever met to their wedding just to get presents!

That's what I would really like to do for my wedding.

33girl · #4 07-03-2006, 10:01 PM

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

honeychile · #5 07-03-2006, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

That's how I always heard it done, too. Friends of mine were married in San Francisco, and when they got home, had a lovely housewarming. Since it was a second marriage for both, it really was a nice way to do it.

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

adpiucf · #6 07-03-2006, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeychile

adpiucf - if I were your mother, I think I'd send a shower gift anyhow - like a good etiquette book!

Oh she is! My mom is the type to send gifts to showers of my friends when she personally has not been invited! We were both floored by our cousin's message. I don't expect to get an invite to the shower b/c I'm out of state, but if I did and had gotten that message, I wouldn't have hestiated to tell my cousin how tacky that was!

PhoenixAzul · #7 07-04-2006, 07:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I thought with the typical destination wedding, there were VERY few people actually there (i.e. an attendant or two on each side and possibly the immediate family) and you just sent out announcements of your marriage and possibly had a reception around your home after it was all over and done with. I guess I just don't move in classy enough circles.

PA - don't include registry info in your wedding invite. People will know to look in the stores and if they can't find it, they'll call your or his parents and ask. If they don't, well, you'll just get lots of towels and you always need towels.

As for the donation to the foundation - I wouldn't go there because unless you know everyone you're inviting espouses the same causes as you do it could get VERY sticky. You might think (for example) Animal Friends is perfectly safe, but you never know who had a bad experience with them or something.

I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. And I totally get you on the non-polarizing foundations thing. I was thinking along the lines of the Children's Hospital Free Care Fund or the American Diabetes Assoc. (since both helped me out a lot when I was little).

Quote:

READ: I'm too chicken$hit to ask without making 1000% sure you'll say yes...

EXACTLY. I don't know what he's on about...my mom and dad love him, his parents call mine his "mother and father in law". He knows I'd say yes, we've been dating for 5 years now...his 7 year time limit is getting close *kidding!*

kddani · #8 07-04-2006, 09:05 AM

[QUOTE=PhoenixAzul]I never knew this was taboo...I could swear I always saw registry info on invites? hmm...i need to go back and look at my scrapbooks. [QUOTE]

Just because other people have done it doesn't mean it's right! It is most certainly considered tacky to include registry info or any mention of gifts (unless it is "No Gifts, Please") on your wedding invite. I would also agree with the asking for donations things- not everyone is going to agree with your cause.

A lot of people put registry info in the shower invite. Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower (and no one invited to the shower should be left out of the wedding!!!! very tacky to invite someone to the shower and not the wedding, minus extenuating circumstances). Therefore most people will know where you're registered, and those that don't will either call and ask someone, or just give cash.

To ANY bride to be, getting married under any circumstances- go pick up Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...654545?ie=UTF8
It's a smart investment and will answer tons of your questions as you go along. I've taken to buying it for my friends that become engaged. It's a great reference.

AOII_LB93 · #9 07-04-2006, 11:22 AM

Quote:

A lot of people put registry info in the shower invite. Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower (and no one invited to the shower should be left out of the wedding!!!!
To ANY bride to be, getting married under any circumstances- go pick up Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/006...654545?ie=UTF8
It's a smart investment and will answer tons of your questions as you go along. I've taken to buying it for my friends that become engaged. It's a great reference.

I second that ...about the it being tacky to invite people to the shower and not the wedding.

I also second the etiquette book(I have the full deal one). As a joke, one of my friends gave me one for my shower because a guest brought another guest she shouldn't have who wasn't invited....but anyhow. She and I had a good laugh about it.

PA- theknot.com is a great reference tool. They talk a lot about all sorts of this stuff there, and if you are planning your own wedding they give a great timeline as to when it's good to have stuff done.

KSigKid - I hope you weren't referring to me. I've only ever been to one wedding that was bad, and I've not mentioned it on GC.

33girl · #10 07-04-2006, 10:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kddani

Most of the people invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower

This must be a city thing. When I was growing up, showers were for bridesmaids, VERY intimate friends who for one reason or another weren't in the wedding party, and the family (aunts, grandmas, first cousins). I've been to showers that were bigger and more elaborate than some weddings I've been to, where pretty much every female attending the wedding must have been invited, and I just can't get over thinking it's way too much and on the "gimme gimme" side.

VandalSquirrel · #11 08-14-2006, 02:39 PM

My roommate informed me that she received an invitation to a wedding at the "Hitchin' Post" chapel, via a MYSPACE BULLETIN. There will also be "a ragin' kegger" afterwards.

I think a MySpace bulletin is pretty damn tacky.

tunatartare · #12 08-14-2006, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

My roommate informed me that she received an invitation to a wedding at the "Hitchin' Post" chapel, via a MYSPACE BULLETIN. There will also be "a ragin' kegger" afterwards.

I think a MySpace bulletin is pretty damn tacky.

DING DING DING DING!

WE HAVE A WINNER!!!!

BetteDavisEyes · #13 09-13-2006, 08:55 PM

So some of you might remember my infamous cousin who refused to invite the family to her wedding b/c his wealthy family wasn't used to being around people like us (Latino's, Catholics, middle class).
He filed for divorce & kicked her out of HIS condo.
She gets no sympathy from me after the shitty way she treated the family.