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It sounds to me like the chapter needs a full Advisery Board, not just a Chapter Adviser. If neither of you are qualified or want to do it, maybe help them fill their AB by talking to alums at your alum events about the chapter.
Also, I am always in the room for rush parties (I'm the Chapter Adviser at one campus and the Recruitment Adviser at another), even when I was pregnant last spring. The chapter let the pnm's know who I was so no one thought I was the "pregnant sister." But I think having an older sister in the room during rush is normal. You need someone to make sure the food is taken care of and other things are going smoothly. I don't recommend you talk to the pnm's though obviously.
You might also want to make sure that some higher up people know how much the chapter is struggling so they can also look into getting the chapter the help they need.
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