How many times does your boyfriend/husband have to beat you until you leave him

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Buttonz

Agreed. Anyone who stays with someone that hits them or beats them is a total moron.

There are several reasons why people don't leave abusers. I'm going to assume here that the victim is a woman and the abuser is a man. This, of course, is not always the case.

1. The wife doesn't have the job skills to make it without the husband - she may have gotten married right out of high school or never worked a real job.

2. The wife is afraid for her own safety if she leaves (then he'll kill her), her children's safety (if she can't prove abuse in court, the dad could get custody), and even the pets safety - if you leave me I'll kill your dog.

3. She believes him when they're in the honeymoon phase and she loves him for the non-violent times. Phases go from tension building, to outburst, to honeymoon. During the honeymoon he says things such as, I'm sorry, I'll never do it again, I didn't mean to, and I love you.

4. She blames herself. Just as many people think sex is dirty, many people believe that they deserve the beatings as punishment. If they were "better" they wouldn't get hit. It's an indoctrination that starts in childhood.

5. No resources. No money because husband keeps close tabs on how much you spend. No friends because he doesn't like you talking to or spending time with othe people. Limited family support for the same reason or because they were abusive as well.

There are other reasons, but try to imagine having limited resources, usually few friends because the abuser cuts you off from them, several children to be responsible for, if you stay, at least the kids get a meal. If you go, where do you stay, what do you eat, how do you get to a DOVE shelter when you haven't even heard of one, or the nearest one is 40 miles away in a larger city?

It's not as easy to walk away as many think. Blaming the victim is a bad idea.