Ghetto Funerals

[ShamikaT]

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

[CrimsonTide4]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

Shamika, I think I stopped breathing at some point reading this particular post.

[PerfectVerse06]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

Oh Mylanta!!!




You are too much...

[FeeFee]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

CTHU
CTHU
CTHU

Latchkey rugs? LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

[mulattogyrl]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.

*If I gets kilt, I hope my girls cut my killa with some box cutters.
*Having my picture on shirts ain't good enough. Shiiiii don't stop there, add some mugs, bumper stickers, banners, etc. Oooooooh, do you all know what would be tight!?!? Someone should copy my picture to those latchkey pattern thingies and peeps can make latchkey rugs in my memory.
*I should always keep some of my home cooked meals frozen. Cuz, I don't know when my day will come. When it does come, someone can heat them up and serve them at my funneral reception. All my peeps can enjoy my cooking, even after i'm dead and gone!
*I want my choir to THROW DOWN! They can sing Laffy Taffy and Lean With It. Those are my favorite songs (shhhhh...yeah I know I ain't supposed to be listening "unchurched" music but whateva).
*My peeps BETTER grieve generously. They don't need to think they are too cute express their grief. Puffs Plusses, astha inhalers, salts, bottled water, and paper fans should be abundant!
*Come as you are! This is a life celebration, put the "fun" in funneral! My peeps shouldn't hesitate to wear stiletto pumps, bling-bling, sequin tops, coochie cutters, mini-skirts, wife beaters, or anything else they would wear at a club.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

This post is classic.

[ZetaStorm]

Some of these stories are too funny. I've been to some bad funerals but dayum they have nothing on these. Goodness I guess the dead can't rest in peace. The funniest funeral I went to was when this obviously gay guy cut the fool by crying and yelling, falling out in the floor, and then laid all over the deceased in the casket and would not sit down (or shut up). That was the longest funeral ever. The expression on the preacher's face was priceless. He almost made the preacher lose his religion that day. Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by ZetaStorm

Talk about ghetto funerals I've been to some ghetto weddings too.

Please do share. I think we could use a "Ghetto Weddings" thread. I'm enjoying this one immensely.

[PerfectVerse06]

Originally Posted by AlphaFrog

Please do share. I think we could use a "Ghetto Weddings" thread. I'm enjoying this one immensely.

I believe there's one already started on AKA Avenue!

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by PerfectVerse06

I believe there's one already started on AKA Avenue!

Thanks for the bump. I thought I remembered one or two lyin' around, but I wasn't sure.

[tunatartare]

How about ghetto Bar/Bat Mitzvahs? A girl I knew had hers in a church.

[ZetaStorm]

After I posted here I saw the link for Ghetto Weddings in the AKAs Forum. That's too funny. The worst ghetto wedding I attended involved females showing up at the wedding dressed like dern strippers, talking loud as hayle during the ceremony, and just over all acting like they have never been out of the house. How are you going to show up at a wedding with a blouse on cut down to your navel? (This girl was easily a D cup spilling over) WTF? And how are you going to crash someone's wedding and try and fight the bride over the groom?! Times are changing and obviously NOT for the best.

[KSUViolet06]

I went to a ghetto wake/viewing last year.

The woman was my grandma's friend. I didn't know her very well so I viewed the body and went to kneel and pray.

Well, in storms the woman's grown daughter. She is using every curse word in the book with the funeral director because "Mama's skin looks like sh*t!"

The man leans over the casket with the daughter so he can see what she's talking about. The daughter is irate and pointing. The man tries to tell her that he really can't see what she's talking about.

She screams "You can't SEE THIS SH*T???" She reaches into the casket and attempts to SIT the body up, while yelling "Look at her face!!"

He attempts to stop her from grabbing the body, since they've spent a great deal of time preparing it.

The woman's brother (son of the deceased) comes in and starts a FIGHT with the director.

The woman and her brother were dismissed from the wake by police.

Oy vey!

[RedefinedDiva]

Originally Posted by JocelynC

I went to a ghetto wake/viewing last year.

The woman was my grandma's friend. I didn't know her very well so I viewed the body and went to kneel and pray.

Well, in storms the woman's grown daughter. She is using every curse word in the book with the funeral director because "Mama's skin looks like sh*t!"

The man leans over the casket with the daughter so he can see what she's talking about. The daughter is irate and pointing. The man tries to tell her that he really can't see what she's talking about.

She screams "You can't SEE THIS SH*T???" She reaches into the casket and attempts to SIT the body up, while yelling "Look at her face!!"

He attempts to stop her from grabbing the body, since they've spent a great deal of time preparing it.

The woman's brother (son of the deceased) comes in and starts a FIGHT with the director.

The woman and her brother were dismissed from the wake by police.

Oy vey!

That's funny because I wouldn't necessarily regard this as "ghetto." I have been to a number of funerals and I can say that the closer you are with a person, the more likely you are to notice EVERY SINGLE imperfection with the preparation, regardless of how minute it may be to the average man. And again, when overwhelmed with grief, you act out of character (or if it IS your character, it's magnified tenfold). However, I would consider it EXTREMELY extra to engage in a physical fight with the funeral director.

[BlessedOne04]

Originally Posted by JocelynC

She screams "You can't SEE THIS SH*T???" She reaches into the casket and attempts to SIT the body up, while yelling "Look at her face!!"

He attempts to stop her from grabbing the body, since they've spent a great deal of time preparing it.

The woman's brother (son of the deceased) comes in and starts a FIGHT with the director.

The woman and her brother were dismissed from the wake by police.

Oh my!! This was a hot mess wasn't it!!

[tld221]

Originally Posted by ShamikaT

Yall need to stop trippin. What if some of these thangs happen at yall'ses funnerals one day? Personally I would be happy if some of these things will happen at my funneral.
*I know when I gets to heaven, the Lord will serve all of my needs, but I must take my most important worldly possessions up there with me! The following should be buried with me: all my zeta nalia, all my money, a picture of Nupe4Life and Rainman, my almost $2K Nolan Miller suit, my keys to my Lincoln Towncar, and a couple of playgirl magazines.

this has GOT to be my favorite part of the post. the zeta nalia, the keys to her towncar, and the pic of RM and N4L?!

just like mcdonalds, im lovin it!