Nannies, Au Pairs & Governesses

[Taualumna]

Originally posted by kddani
To continue the hijack... my uncle's wife has a sister who lives in China currently- her husband is a bigwig for some corporation so they had to live there for 5 years. Her child has a nanny (though the mom doesn't work...) and is a little over a year old. He is speaking a bit- but it's in Mandarin, NOT English. Lol.

Well, he's only a year old. Maybe Mom and Dad should spend more time with him. That way he'll be bilingual.

[tld221]

two important things are that the nanny DRIVE and the nanny be able to swim. You would not believe how rare this is to find.

you know, i hadnt thought about this. considering having to drive isnt a necessity around these parts.

also, where does one draw the line on what a nanny does? is it simply watching the kids while the parents are away, or is it cooking, cleaning the kids' rooms and making sure their hw is done? in other words, how much do nannies replace the parent?

[jubilance1922]

I feel underprivileged because we didn't have a nanny...We were sent to daycare.

[ambición6]

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

I had a nanny from age 1 - 6. so about 5 years. my mom hired her to play with me....so i guess she wasnt really a nanny because she didnt live with us, or cook or anything like that. she was just there to keep me busy and entertained. she was about 13 (we lived in mexico at the time, and she came from a very poor family). by the time i was 6 (she was 19) she was helping my mom with cooking and dish washing.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

I dont think it impacted me at all. We still keep in touch with her even though we moved to the US when I was 6.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

my mom worked during the day and needed someone to watch me.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

i dont remember much of it.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

Nico was mexican (like us)

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

well i dont like children, never did, never will, so no since i wont be birthing any, anytime soon.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

as long as the mom and dad arent letting the nanny raise the kids, its fine.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...
yes, especially with both parents working nowadays since its very very difficult to live on 1 income only.

9. DO you think it's elitist?
no.

[aephi alum]

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

I had a babysitter until I was 16. Can you say "overprotective parents" ??! The babysitter was there while my parents were at work - this meant 6am-6pm - but she did not live in. My mom went back to work only part-time after I was born, so that meant I had a babysitter 3-4 days a week.

When I was little, the babysitter's only responsibility was to take care of me. Once I started school, the babysitter's responsibilities included cleaning the house while I was at school. When I became a teenager and my parents still insisted that an adult be in the house at all times I insisted that they refer to her as a "housekeeper" rather than "babysitter" - by that age I myself had taken a babysitting course!!

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

Hmm. I think some of my friends and classmates thought it was weird that I was in junior high and still had a babysitter... but most of them had SAHM's. I think I was more affected by being one of the few kids in my class whose mother worked.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

When I was little - someone had to watch me while mom and dad were at work.

When I was older - like I said, my parents were highly overprotective and wanted an adult in the house, and I didn't count as an adult even when I was 16.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

When I was little - yes.
When I was older - NO!

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

I had babysitters of all different races. I wouldn't say my relations with any given race were altered.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

Well...... If I do have children, I'm going back to work full-time ASAP, so somebody would have to watch the rugrats. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. If I were to hire someone, race wouldn't factor into my decision at all - I'd choose the best person for the job.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

I don't have a problem with it as long as the parents still spend quality time with their children. If the kids think the nanny is "Mommy" there's a problem.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

More than ever. There are more two-income families today, as well as more single-mom (and single-dad) families, and when the adults are at work, someone has to mind the children. That can be a day care center, live-in child care, or live-out child care. Day care centers are pretty inflexible about things like caring for sick children, or situations where parents get stuck late at work and can't pick their kids up by a certain time. A live-out babysitter is more likely to be flexible (especially if they get extra $ for their troubles), and a live-in au pair is there anyway. Plus, if you have live-in care, you can go out to dinner without worrying about finding a babysitter for the evening.

9. DO you think it's elitist?

No. It's practical.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
I did a search regarding this topic and found nothing.
I'm reading The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus which came out in 2002. I find it pretty funny but sad too seeing as that the fictitious events are based on their experiences as nannies during their college years. I also reflected on my experience with the nanny I had when I was 5-8years old.

My questions:
1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

I had what was called a housekeeper at the time. I was ~4-5 years old and my brother was just born.

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

No, not at all. Since my mother was a school teacher at the time, she had a lot of exposure to child development, which helped me a lot. As far as relationships with others, my problems did not start as a result of having a housekeeper/nanny. It started due to another situation while young that I will not go into.

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

My mom had to work was what was always told to us when my brother and I were young. But as I have gotten older, I have found out that my dad was rather "free-spirited" with his "money management skills" and was nailed by the feds by being audited and forced to pay back taxes. It hurt him severely in his business and his psyche. Back then, he was in his early 30's and had way too much pride as a professional "Black Man" and wouldn't explain to my mother what was going on financially with the business (dentistry). So my mother being the wonderful hard-headed sistah that she was at the time, decided her children needed a home and needed to eat, so she got herself a job--which turned into her career... A lot of women in my mom's generation basically divorced their husbands because of that "pride" thing...

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

Well when I was young, many African Americans just became upwardly mobile and a lot of ways of doing things were not really understood or known that it was possible to do. This is early 70's. So I think there was this "trial and error" period with various housekeepers/nannies and sometimes, I just did not abide by them because really I do not like to be told what to do--I will do it when I dayum well please!!! And back then, although I did deserve an ass whoopin' for what I did--like talking back to adults, my mom did not do it unless she caught me in the act. So, in someways, it having a nanny wasn't beneficial for me.

In other ways, many young women in my neighborhood at the time were truly "housewives", I think my mom was the the only one that started a full time job--this is like 1975ish... And, here I was in school and my mom worked while all the other kids had stay at home mom's... So, I told my mom I wanted her to stay at home (heartbreaking, I know) and she did oneday and made me clean up everything... I couldn't get away with all the little things I had gotten away with while the nanny was there. So I told her she needs to go back to work... So in that way, having a nanny was beneficial, because I thought, in my little brain, that I had more freedom--like not having to clean up my room...

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

Oh my brother and I were fluent Spanish speakers. Most of our housekeepers/nannies, etc. were Latinas. I think we were speaking Spanish too much for comfort for our parents and relatives.

Since I did not have too many problems with the latina housekeeper/nannies, I have not had much problems with latinos overall. Actually, I feel very comfortable around them. Many of my closest friends are of latino descent. I often mentor latino children and young people. And some of my own mentors have been latino. Without that kind of support, I doubt I would have survived in my field as long as I have.

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

For me, whomever is the most qualified. I would want legitimate references, past experiences, etc. I think for babies under 4, there is NEVER ENOUGH LOVE from everyone that can go around. As the child gets older, I think cultural issues may become more relevant, but I think those kinds of situations can be handled in a different manner.

If I want my kid to speak 10 languages, then I'd enroll him or her in the language classes.

I think that the use of a nanny's services should be to replace that of the mother or the family.

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

See above...

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

We will always need a "community of support" even for housewives. The upbrining of children is such a difficult, tough and delicate task that honorable people should strive to help each other with the needs of children in the best way they know how.

Now, personally, I hate babysitting. Never did it as a teen. My fear detection by little ones is smelled from a mile away. But, when I find out that little "click" or "ah ha" from what I taught them how to do, that is was melts my heart... And now that I have a little nephew that "copies" me, oh it's onnn lak hot budda pop cone... I will have him reading veterinarian textbooks by age 5!!!

So, I do think the needs of a nanny/governess has become a dying artform for only the truly wealthiest of families.

Originally posted by NinjaPoodle
9. DO you think it's elitist?

No, I do not think it is elitist when parents think they can pay someone for the extra care of their child. Personally, I do think daycare has done a disservice to many of children. And it has gotten crazy expensive. I see this a viable alternative.

My little nephew has a nanny. I think she is of Eastern European descent. She has a son ~7/8 years old. And I think my SIL is quite please with her. My mom hasn't complained about the care my nephew is getting... And "Grandmommy" can't do it like she use to... Interestingly, the nanny's name is "Dani"--so she's called Dani the Nanny...

[BlueReign]

OH-OH!

I had thought about this Soror even though I wasn't raised this way. My mom was not even a stay-at-home mom. BITD, she was just called a "housewife".

At one time I thought this was an elitist thing. But now?? It was about 10 years ago when I was offered a well paying job at George Washington University. I wanted to take grad classes there as well and wanted the job for the free tuition. I was paying a lot of money for daycare and I resented the time that my children spent there.

Then, I actually thought of this plan where I could hire someone to stay with me for room and board so I could work 9-5 and take classes from 6-9!! A nanny!

I am glad that I didn't do this because I feel that I really know my children. That would not be the case if I had been away from them for more than half the day. One of the reasons I became a teacher is so I could be home with them when they were off from school.

Parenting is a sacrifice. You have to compromise. I have a relationship with my children that I know I would not have had if I were away from them like that. Now that my children are older and doing a little babysitting themselves I don't regret the financial sacrifices I made so I could be with them more. They are young for only a short period of time. I don't understand how you can give birth to something and then pay someone else to raise your child.

[NinjaPoodle]

ttt