Nannies, Au Pairs & Governesses
 

I did a search regarding this topic and found nothing.
I'm reading The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus which came out in 2002. I find it pretty funny but sad too seeing as that the fictitious events are based on their experiences as nannies during their college years. I also reflected on my experience with the nanny I had when I was 5-8years old.

My questions:
1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)
2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.
3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..
4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?
5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..
6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?
7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...
9. DO you think it's elitist?

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

My family had a nanny/housekeeper during the first two years of my life. Then my grandmother decided to take care of me and the house full time. After I started kindergarten, my mother hired a "babysitter" (more like a (grand)mother's helper, since Grandma was at home during the time) to teach me English for an hour a day in the afternoon.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

I think I would have been less sheltered had I been brought up by a nanny. My grandmother didn't let me do ANYTHING remotely "dangerous." On the other hand, I wouldn't have learned how to count by 2s, 3s and 5s at age 3 1/2 if a nanny brought me up.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

They both had to work and didn't want to send me to daycare too early.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

I was too young to remember

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

The women my family hired were all Asian, either from the Philippines (hiring Philippine help is common in the Chinese community both in Canada and in Hong Kong.) or of Chinese descent. I remember one of the women who worked in our home was Vietnamese Chinese. I'm not sure how it's affected me.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

I don't know. I might want my kids to be exposed to other languages at a young age, so I might very well hire someone who speaks Mandarin (it's difficult to hire someone who speaks Cantonese, and in any case, Mandarin is the official dialect in China). It depends on who is best at the job.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

Arrangements of hiring a nanny of a different race/culture? Or hiring nannies at all? If it is the former, then it can give a child exposure to things he or she might not see until an older age, if at all (e.g. kids being bilingual or multilingual...plenty of kids in Hong Kong can speak Tagalog (a language people in the Philippines speak), Cantonese and English). If you mean the latter, then I think it's really up to the parents to decide.


8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

If grandma isn't available, you can afford a nanny, and you don't want to put your child in group daycare then why not? There are usually five or so kids to one caregiver at a daycare, but fewer (maybe two or three at most)

9. DO you think it's elitist?

Depends on your upbringing. I personally do not think it's elitist. Many people hire babysitters to take care of their kids. The only difference is that the babysitter doesn't come every day (or live at the home). In some cultures, such as Hong Kong, having a housekeeper is a fact of middle class life for most families. Upper middle class homes often have two and the wealthiest have many. Of course in North America, pay regulations make it difficult to hire someone full time like that, which is why many see it as

I was a nanny...well, part-time anyway, and I can totally sympathize with the poor girl in "The Nanny Diaries." Let's just say that situations like that are not far-fetched at all. The girl who took over when I graduated had it even worse, though--she actually lived-in, and it got to where she was scheduling her classes and her life around the employer's schedule. The lady she and I worked for did not work, but she still thought she needed someone to get her children ready for school in the mornings and actually take them there, and then keep them in the afternoons and evenings as well. It was ridiculous...I think that girl was a couple years ahead of me in school, but from what I've heard she still hasn't graduated yet because she doesn't have time to take more than 12 credits at a time...yeeesh.

As someone who's been a nanny but never actually had one, I have conflicting opinions on the subject. All the nannies I know are young women, college-age through 20-something, from good families. Most of the people I know who hire nannies or private babysitters are well-off, and usually the father works but the mother does not. Despite my best efforts, I have never been able to figure out what these women do all day--I'm pretty sure they lunch, go to the gym, shop, etc. but in theory those are things that would not prevent them from taking care of their children themselves. I guess if you can afford it, though, it's your business. The problem I have is that some people use nannies and babysitters so much that they rarely see their children. I know one little girl who thought her nanny was her mommy, and she called her that! When the real mother heard about it, she just laughed and said, "Oh, she gets confused." :rolleyes: That, to me, signifies a problem.

the authors of the nanny diaries are alumnas (alumnae?) of NYU, and my school!

can i count the times ive taken a race-based class (a cultural studies course of some sort) where someone feels the urge to tell a story about how their nanny practically raised them and how their nanny knows them better than their parents. this one girl in my class, in response to why she was taking an african-american english class (linguistics, not literature) was because "all my maids and nannies back home speak black (not even black english!) and i want to be able to understand them" :eek: :mad: :rolleyes:

its a clear race/class divide, visible at NYU and surrounding neighborhood. especially on a nice afternoon in washington square park, you will find many a nanny, mostly west indian, asian, or south asian descent, tending to their wealthier, white or asian charges in the playground. i want to know who's playing nanny to the nanny's kids?

i worked at an elementary school my first two years of school in the village. many times, i had parents and nannies alike ask me whose nanny i was, assuming that my permanent tan reflected my status. of course, i got the embarassed, giggly "oh im so sorry i had no idea!" many times. then i worked at a middle school, and i got the same thing. what is the cut-off age for having a nanny?

also, college nannies are temporary, by semester, no more than 6 months or so. and i think nanny, babysitter, au pair become interchangeable, when clearly theyre not.

I didn't have a nanny as a child, I was sent to the babysitter. I am not sure I know anyone who did have a nanny growing up.

When my youngest boy was 2 years old I found a website for Au Pairs from Europe. I read through the costs and the requirements of the program. I really wish I would have found that program while I was pregnant with my 2nd child. The costs was cheaper than I was paying for daycare. Part of the program required the family to pay for one college class a semester, along with providing room and board. And one weekend off per month. Also some transportation was to be provided. She was to care for the kids, help with light housework and assist in preparing meals. I would have much rather paid for the au pair over daycare. I would have been getting so much more for my money.
I would never except someone to stay with my kids all the time though- I want time with them too. And I would not expect someone to have my dinner on the table and the house spotless--- just to have someone preheat the oven or start a load of laundry would have been terrific!

to ninjapoodle: i wanted to be able to directly answer some of your questions, if i hadnt already in the above.

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long) no, my mom raised us (4 children in total. me and the youngest are 8 years apart).

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another? it really depends. if i had a superbusy schedule (ie. work, where i had to travel) and i could afford it, yes. if i had more than 2 children, yes. while raising your kids on your own is definitely doable, it does get rough, and if you can admit you need help and seek it out, more power to you. i WOULDNT do it as a societal thing, like to show off--thats unnecessary.

i would want my children to have a black nanny, if so. that doesnt mean that i'd skimp on the quality of the service. if someone of another race was well qualified and my kids liked her, then why not? but i would really want someone who looks like my children.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements? if you got it like that, sure, do it. the difference between raising your own kids versus having someone else do it is necessity. if you have no choice but to do it on your own, then you do it the best way you know how. if you have the resources to have help, chances are you dont really need it. having more money shouldnt make you busier, and definitely not so busy that childraising doesnt fit on your daily agenda. and it seems like couples who have nannies are just that--couples. there are TWO parents. my mother was ONE. a lot of families are single-parent, and while its not easy, it gets done.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not... i think its only necessary if you have a lot of children, like one of those 9-children households or something. or if youre really busy. but if the latter, then you should really reevaluate why you let your busyness take precendence over your children.

9. DO you think it's elitist? clearly. for all the reasons mentioned above.

To tld:

You said that if you were to hire a nanny at all, you'd hire a black nanny. Would you hire an African-American student or someone from the Carribean or Africa? If it were up to me, I'd give preference to the latter as I'd want my children exposed to different cultures and perhaps even learn a new language.

I couldn't afford a nanny but it would have been nice! I work with a woman who had twins at age 43 and who had a 10 year old boy home at the time. Her husband is a high powered attorney who works mega hours and she is pretty high up in our corporation too. She has an au pair through one of those foreign exchange type programs. She gets a different one each year unless she chooses to renew the contract for the current one (and the current one wants to stay.. often they only want to spend one year in the US). It works great for her. She's still very involved with her kids when she gets home from work but has help too. It's tough when you have twins...

african-american.
i dont have a reason to not hire black people of other ethnicities. this would be my preference.

of course, i am eons away of having kids-im still a college student!. and then it would depend on what my husband would want.

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..?

Yes, my sister, brother and I had two different nannies within five years when we were 2, 5, and 10.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.
I don't think it negatively effected any of us. We saw our parents all the time and we all of other outside relationships were functional.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

My mother was ill on and off during those five years and my fathers job required a lot of travel.


4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

The first nanny-no. The second nanny-very much. I still talk to her to this day and she's almost as excited as my mother is about my uncoming delivery.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

Our first nanny was an older, white lady. The second nanny was a black woman in her 30s. I had a very positive experince with the second nanny and because of that I get along well with people of any race. I think I would have regardless, my parents didn't raise us to be intolerate.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

If I felt I needed the help, but between Mr. uksparkle's family and my own I think we'll be fine without a nanny.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

I loved my second nanny, so I think they can work out wonderfully as long as the parents aren't neglectful and the children are respectful.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

Some people do, I'm sure.

9. DO you think it's elitist?

Not in my situation. We needed our nanny just as much as she needed us. We never made her feel like she was "help," my parents always treated her as if she was doing them a great favor and she was by caring for us.

Re: Nannies, Au Pairs & Governesses
 

My questions:
1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

Looking back, my sisters and I refer to them as "housekeepers".
Yes, most came just for 1 year from Germany, Switzerland and France. We had 1 Australian girl. The last one (from Berlin, Germany) came and lived with us for 10 years. She only moved out when she married someone, but she still lives in Canada today and is in touch with our family. So I had 'nannies' from birth until age 15.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

I think I'm more willing to let someone drift out of my life. My attitude is "I had a life before this person, I will have a life after them also".

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

Both of my parents worked and needed someone to run the house, cook, do the housework, etc. They also wanted someone to be able to supervise us after school until they got home from work.
All of my sisters and I were active in sports after school. To go to school, then sports, then come home to someone with a hot meal wanting to talk about your day was really quite nice. It also kept my sisters and I from fighting with each other (for the most part).

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

I think growing up with adult supervision and hot meals to come to was positive.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..
They were all Caucasian girls from Europe. Back then, lots of girls from Germany and Switzerland had this fantasy of "coming to KANADA" and living there for a year.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

I guess I would be most comfortable with someone with a similar ethnic background to my own. I might consider someone who is Latina, because it would be beneficial for the children to learn Spanish from her. Besides the obvious (like no criminal record, no abuse of the children, able to speak English, etc.) two important things are that the nanny DRIVE and the nanny be able to swim. You would not believe how rare this is to find. (My 3 sisters all have nannies and this was a real hassle for them).

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about these type of arrangements?

I think nannies are fine, however, I think in some cases, the nanny spends more time with the children than the parents do. Also, if the nanny is not a strict disciplinarian but is a doormat, you wind up with hellfire children who misbehave and cannot be controlled.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...
It's not a matter of need, it's a matter of necessity. Inflation is rising faster than wages, so both parents have to work. Yeah, I guess you could argue that only parent has to work if you are willing to compromise your lifestyle, but I think most people want the best that they can possibly afford and if it takes 2 incomes, so be it. Would anyone actually CHOOSE to live in some crime-ridden neighborhood if they could afford to live elsewhere that was safer yet more expensive?


9. DO you think it's elitist?
Well, either you stay home and not earn an income and raise your kids, or you work, pay someone to look after your kids and hope that there is enough left over at the end to give you a decent lifestyle. I guess it's kind of elitist. I also think that some consideration needs to be given to how many children one can afford to have. Most people cannot AFFORD to have more than 1 to 3 children, tops.

Also, a lot of daycare centres are suspect, dirty, yucky and generally questionable as to whether they should be licenced at all. A nanny means that your child's level of attention from the nanny is split between them and their siblings, not 15 other kids. Also, I know of some $$$$$ people who have ONE NANNY PER CHILD (gee, it must be nice).

Re: Re: Nannies, Au Pairs & Governesses
 

Have you ever seen the movie "Fun with Dick and Jane"? Well, in that movie, a white family has a Mexican nanny/housekeeper, and obviously the parents don't spend much time with their kid, because the kid spoke with a heavy accent when he did speak English, and even spoke Spanish a lot during the movie. It was hilarious. He spoke just like the nanny, who also had a lisp, so the kid had a lisp too. Not one of Jim Carey's finest, but a funny movie.

/end hijack

Yeah cutiepie2000,

The last thing you want to do is lose your job, get called up by INS, have INS call your home and prove that you are a citizen only to have your kid answer "hola!"


PS. Sorry about ruining NIP TUCK for you :(

1. Did you have Nanny/Nannies, Au Pair etc..? (For how long)

I had a nanny when I was 4 & she was with us for 4 years up until her death.

2. If so, how do you think you were affected by this in terms of your childhood development relationships to others outside your family.

I don't think it impacted me at all. I had friendships outside my family and I was allowed to visit my friends as long as my mom & aunt knew their parents.

3. Why do you think your parent/s got the nanny/au pair etc..

I was living with my aunt & uncle at the time & they thought it would be good to have another adult around us. Our relationship with Emilita (my nanny) was such that she would watch us while my aunt (a homemake) would do the household chores.

4. Do you think it was beneficial for you?

I don't believe it was particularly beneficial nor was it a hindrance in any way.

5 What race was your hired help and how do you think your relations with people of said race were based on your relationship with your nanny, au pair., etc..

Emilita was of Mexican descent like we are.

6. If you have kids, would you get them a nanny, governess etc..? of your race or another?

I don't believe that race matters but I would want someone with beliefs & attitudes similar to ours.

7. What are your general thoughts and feelings about theses type of arrangements?

It's o.k. to have a nanny or governess if you feel it's appropriate for you but it's also important to realize that these people should not be raising your child for you. They are their to help you not do all the work for you.

8. Do you think our society still needs this? Why or why not...

Not really sure actually. Like I said before, it's a private matter between the parents in question if it's the right thing for them.

9. DO you think it's elitist?

It's only elitist if you make a huge deal out of it.

Re: Re: Re: Nannies, Au Pairs & Governesses
 

To continue the hijack... my uncle's wife has a sister who lives in China currently- her husband is a bigwig for some corporation so they had to live there for 5 years. Her child has a nanny (though the mom doesn't work...) and is a little over a year old. He is speaking a bit- but it's in Mandarin, NOT English. Lol.