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In the first case scenario, hard as it may be, someone will just have to be blunt with her and tell her that you don't think she'll be a good fit for your sorority. It will be hard, but the more you keep delaying it and letting her come to events, the more likely she is to think that she'll be a shoe-in with your sorority and the more crushed she will be when she finds out that you aren't giving her a bid.
In the second scenario, you have to realize that not everyone who goes into recruitment is going to immediately fall in love with your house, and that's fine. Some groups tend to do better at COR events than at formal recruitment anyways. Just because some girls didn't originally want your sorority as their #1 choice, that doesn't mean that you're a "safety" for them or that they won't be good sisters. There are plenty of threads here on GC about girls who either "slipped through the cracks" or who didn't get their first choice, and went on to become very dedicated and loyal members of the sororities that did bid them. Just talk to the girls and see what they're like, if they seem genuinely interested in you or show enthusiasm, then bid them if you want.
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