Rent

[moe.ron]

Sorry but I'm a stickler, it's Mimi not Daphne.

Oops, sorry bout this. You guys might appreciate this from Forbidden Broadway:

THIS AIN'T BOHEME

ALL
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
MARK
There was a guy named Giacomo
Who wrote an opera long ago.
"Boheme," it remains;
"La Boheme," we obliterate.
As we go against the grain,
You'll go insane and we're glad.
Did I mention the tension
And moves from fifth dimension?
We're starving for attention,
Full of pretension,
Need intervention.
A convention of spoiled 20-somethings going mad.
Precocious, obnoxious
Kids re-inventing hair,
And Cher! and Vanity Fair!
Aren't we cute, to boot?
Here, the grungies hoot!
We're such a famous fad!
We aren't the Met! Forget
That musical gem!
ALL
This ain't Boheme!
Yeah!
The songs!
MARK
It's rock! It's ultra-bluesy!
Gold McDermott! Lizzie Swedos!
MAUREEN
Stevie Wonder! Leonard Bernstein!
Then Puccini! Sondheim! Sweeney!
ALL
Style!
ROGER
It's styled completely wild!
Hand-held mikes and facial fakers!
MIMI
Dingy lighting! Metal platforms!
Children raging! Messy staging!
ALL
Plot!
Prostitution! No solution!
Some pollution!
Generation X! Encounter!
Counter-revolution!
Everyone has lost their voice, it's true!
(variously)
I have! And me! And me! And me!
(in unison)
And you, you and you!
It's actors screaming and belching and screaming but
Not reaching any high notes!
MARK
So if some patrons quake with fear
Let's remind all of them:
ALL
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
MARK (over the above)
But now that we are the mainstream,
What is out of the mainstream?
How do we offend?
What's the new trend?
We need a show! A new show!
The opposite of "RENT" ain't "Boheme";
It's Oklahoma!
ALL
Yeah...
It's Oklahoma!
It's Oklahoma!
It's Oklahoma!
O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A!
Viva la...
Oklahoooooooma! YO!

(Groan from Daphne Rubin-Vega)
("Musetta's Waltz" plays)
ANTHONY
Close-up on Daphne, now dying from exhaustion after doing "RENT" for only six months! Will Adam be able to revive her with his new hit song?
ADAM
Daphne!
DAPHNE
Moo!
ALL
She's back!
DAPHNE
I swear, I died! I was goin' through a tunnel--the Lincoln Tunnel, I think--goin' towards a warm white light, leavin' dingy New York for good.
ALL
Oh my God!
DAPHNE
And I swear, I saw an angel in gold lame and she looked like...Lady Tiang, from "The King and I". And she said:
LADY TIANG
Go back! Go back home to Broadway. It isn't dead, yet.
ADAM
Wow...
ANTHONY
Hey! According to the "Boheme" libretto, you're not supposed to come back! You're supposed to be dead!
DAPHNE
Yeah, but...
ALL
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!
This ain't Boheme!