Virgin Diaries

[Mevara]

Hey has anyone seen the show? The preview looked hilarious.

[knight_shadow]

I wanted to watch this, but then I saw the wedding kiss and decided against it *bleh*

[KSUViolet06]

SO AWKWARD.

I have a hard time with the "no kissing" concept.

I mean, I can't imagine how difficult/overwhelming it must be for some people to go from NOTHING to KISSING and SEX within 24 hours. That's a serious learning curve there. And how is that an ideal set up for a healthy marriage?

I dunno if you've ever had the opportunity to meet someone who was an evangelical who got married after "saving themselves", but for most, SEX = the holy grail. It's pretty much all they can think about. So they rush their relationships and engagements because ZOMGWTFSEXXXXX. Not realizing that after your 2.5 seconds of bliss with Suzie, you still have to be married to her forever.

Random virginity sidenote: is it really "saving yourself" if you meet, get engaged, and get married within a 6 month timeframe? And you're 18/19 years old. And many times have never actually dated anyone other than your fiance before getting engaged.

/hippie Christian rant.

[groovypq]

I don't get the no kissing either. Why is that something that needs to be "saved"?

And I just saw the first kiss clip on Conan. Ick.

[Leslie Anne]

Yeah, that kiss was really nauseating.

I'm concerned that these couples might end up realizing down the road that they weren't really in love, they were in lust.

While I don't advocate sleeping around, I do believe that being sexually compatible is important to a long-term relationship. I personally reject the idea of pre-marital sex being a sin.

I'm not really interested in watching the show.

[ASTalumna06]

When I was in my early teens, my cousin got married. Most friends and family were staying in a hotel, and the bride and groom were leaving the following morning for their honeymoon. Soon after everyone had gone to bed, the fire alarm went off and everyone evacuated the hotel. I remember seeing my cousin, and she looked ill.. I had just assumed she wasn't feeling well because she was sick, or because she ate something earlier that caused her to feel nauseous.

It wasn't until a couple years ago that I found out from my mom the real reason she looked and felt so terrible - she "saved herself" for marriage and she was so nervous, she made herself sick over the whole thing.

I just think it's waaay too much pressure to put on one's self.

[KSUViolet06]

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

So in many cases, you met, got engaged to and married someone within like a year, THEN you get pregnant within a month or 2 of your wedding. That's a for sure recipe for marital bliss.

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

I watched a True Life ep about virgins and there was a girl who was 19, getting married, and going straight from her PARENT'S home to her apt with her husband. She cried a lot just because going from living at home to living with a man is a shock.

Originally Posted by Leslie Anne

Yeah, that kiss was really nauseating.

I'm concerned that these couples might end up realizing down the road that they weren't really in love, they were in lust.

It happens. But they generally think that divorce is a "no no" so they stay together, miserably.

I listened to a sermon by a pastor once and he mentioned what he says to couples during pre-marital counseling and it was something like "if you're doing this because you want to sleep together and live together as quickly as possible, get out of my office." I LOLed.

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

My mom got married at 21, right out of college, and this was always the one thing she would emphasize to me. And now that I've lived on my own, I completely agree!

She said the hardest thing was when she got divorced (when she was almost 40) and there were many basic things (like paying bills, for instance) that she had zero experience with because someone else had always done them for her.

[thetaj]

Okay no one is going to want to watch the show if they don't make it look absolutely absurd. But abstinence comes in lots of different forms now, for lots of different reasons, and while I don't think it should be because a person feels like God will damn them if they don't remain abstinent, I don't see it as a bad thing entirely.

I was raised southern baptist and have/had plenty of friends who were "waiting" (the number has dwindled over the years lol) and there seemed to be three kinds of people among that group: (1) the kind that was really serious about it, whether for deeply personal reasons or religious mandates, and are still going strong with healthy relationships with understanding or like-minded people; (2) the kind that wasn't serious about it and has fallen away from that belief, and; (3) the kind that was "serious" about it (but had zero common sense) and it was their ultimate goal in any relationship to: get the ring, get married, make love and lots of babies ASAP.

The third category seems to be the minority, but why would TLC or anyone make a show about the rule? No one wants to see the rule, just the crazy, insane, absurd exceptions. I'm not happy with even more negative light to be cast on people who chose to remain abstinent... I know they aren't all crazy.

I DO have ONE friend who won't kiss until her wedding. She's 21 and engaged, to her first long-term boyfriend, but to her defense they have been dating for like 3 years. I still think it's weird and so do most of our mutual church friends, many of whom are very pro-abstinence... I just can't seem to wrap my head around why you can't kiss someone. I get the logic behind abstaining from sex, but kissing? (shrug) To each his own.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by knight_shadow

I wanted to watch this, but then I saw the wedding kiss and decided against it *bleh*

I'm nauseated. Like physically sick to my stomach. Partly because that was DISGUSTING...and partly because it gave me a flashback to my first kiss. Unfortunately, my boyfriend at 17 had the kissing skills of a cracked out hamster so that is how he kissed me. I almost threw up then, too.

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

I was going to do the "you can't lump everyone into one category" thing but immediately, 3 couples who all did this came to mind. All 3 went from friends to dating to engaged to married in less than a year and, of the 3, one has a child, one is pregnant, and one is trying. So yah never mind.

I think thetaj is right. There are perfectly sane, deeply personal reasons to wait but no one would want to see a show about that. I don't intend to watch.

[psusue]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Another thing about evangelical culture: not only do you get married within like 6-8 months of being engaged (after only dating for like 5 months) but the general expectation is that you will immediately start your family.

So in many cases, you met, got engaged to and married someone within like a year, THEN you get pregnant within a month or 2 of your wedding. That's a for sure recipe for marital bliss.

Now maybe it's because I went to a public, state related school and most of the married young evangelicals I know come from a very secular educational experience, but I don't actually know that many people who would fall into this category. To be truthful, I only know of one couple like that that fits the description to a 't' but they were both 25 and working (the wife) and finishing his masters (the husband). So still young but a little more understandable.

Most couples I know date for around 2 years (some a little less, most a little more), get engaged for about 6-8 months, get married, and wait a few years to have children for personal and professional reasons. Call me crazy but I don't think that that sounds too unreasonable. I mean I know people who got married at 18, but they're still together now 5 years later and no kids yet. I also know those that got married within a year of knowing one another, but waited 4 years until they finished their degrees to have kids. But like thetaj said, that wouldn't make a good story, so why publicize it?

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

There's also the whole Christian culture thing of a woman getting married at 20 having never lived on her own. Like, you live with your parents or go straight from your college dorm (which is not living alone) to living with your husband. I personally think that nobody should get married without having lived independently.

I watched a True Life ep about virgins and there was a girl who was 19, getting married, and going straight from her PARENT'S home to her apt with her husband.

I mean while I can see your point here, most of my friends when they decided they wanted to get engaged didn't see the point of living separately (and more expensively) for a year just to 'get the experience' of it. I mean I know well that forever doesn't always mean forever, but if you look at it from their perspective-- if you're going to be together forever, it might be more useful to you to figure out how to do that together rather than separately and then try to mesh together. Just a thought.

Originally Posted by thetaj

Okay no one is going to want to watch the show if they don't make it look absolutely absurd.

This. If the story doesn't sell, why run it?

Originally Posted by thetaj

I DO have ONE friend who won't kiss until her wedding. She's 21 and engaged, to her first long-term boyfriend, but to her defense they have been dating for like 3 years. I still think it's weird and so do most of our mutual church friends, many of whom are very pro-abstinence... I just can't seem to wrap my head around why you can't kiss someone. I get the logic behind abstaining from sex, but kissing? (shrug) To each his own.

I've had friends like this. I don't agree with it personally but it's their choice. It does make staying abstinent easier though. I mean really, who could start having sex without kissing first? Awkward.

[KSUViolet06]

^^^^That's the part about not kissing that I don't get. You haven't done ANYTHING except hold hands and then BAM, you're going from zero to EVERYTHING in 24 hours. That's enough to cause a panic attack itself.

I remember reading on a SUPER evangelical blog about a girl who wouldn't even allow herself to hold hands or ANYTHING with her fiance until marriage. They had a "purity" ruler that they used to make sure they were at least 12 inches apart at all times. Like, they couldn't even sit next to each other and hug while watching a movie. Her reasoning was that "it's too tempting."

For the life of me I do not understand what is so potentially tempting about sitting next to someone. If you're seriously tempted to lewd thoughts by sitting next to someone, you have bigger problems.

I get the point of not having sex. Really, as a Christian, I do. I just don't get what is being proved by being extra with it and cutting out other things that in themselves aren't tempting (ex: kissing or holding hands.)

I also don't get the general rush into marriage that comes with abstinence (yes, I know that's not everyone but that's just been my experience with younger couples living.) Like, you think Suzy is being "unGodly" by having premarital sex and living with her boyfriend. Yet couples rush into a LIFETIME commitment with the primary goal of it being so you can do the same thing? Hmm.

I guess what I'm saying is that the point of your abstinence shouldn't be ZOMG I NEED TO FIND A HUBBY AND GET LAID BEFORE 25. I think it's meant to be something more meaningful than that. Otherwise why bother? (does that make sense?)

But then again, I'm also a pretty big hippie as far as Christians go and I go to a church full of the most non-conservative people you will ever meet, so you have to take my crazy opinions with a grain of salt. I've also lead youth groups before so as you can imagine, I've spent a whole lot of time talking about sex and God (more than I would like to.) lol.

[victoriana]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

SO AWKWARD.

I have a hard time with the "no kissing" concept.

I mean, I can't imagine how difficult/overwhelming it must be for some people to go from NOTHING to KISSING and SEX within 24 hours. That's a serious learning curve there. And how is that an ideal set up for a healthy marriage?

I dunno if you've ever had the opportunity to meet someone who was an evangelical who got married after "saving themselves", but for most, SEX = the holy grail. It's pretty much all they can think about. So they rush their relationships and engagements because ZOMGWTFSEXXXXX. Not realizing that after your 2.5 seconds of bliss with Suzie, you still have to be married to her forever.

Random virginity sidenote: is it really "saving yourself" if you meet, get engaged, and get married within a 6 month timeframe? And you're 18/19 years old. And many times have never actually dated anyone other than your fiance before getting engaged.

/hippie Christian rant.

I 1000% agree with this. Seriously. Took the words right out of my mouth.

[ree-Xi]

I missed it and can't find it online.

[christiangirl]

You know, I do have one friend who will not kiss before marriage and I've never asked her "Why?" I've always wanted to know but somewhere in my mind, I hear Gretchen Weiners say "OMG CG, you can't just ask someone why they won't kiss!"