NFL 2025–2026: The Road to February!

[Phrozen Sands]

Originally Posted by cheerfulgreek

ROTFLMFAO!! LOOOOOOOOL! Sciencewoman, CG is lighting y’all’s coach up. Gave dude a curl. Dude looks outdated as hell LMAO! I’m crying LOL

[Sciencewoman]

CG, Jheri Curl is not going to sign Dan Campbell as a paid endorser no matter how hard you try.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

CG, Jheri Curl is not going to sign Dan Campbell as a paid endorser no matter how hard you try.

He begged me for it, Sciencewoman. I warned him, “Daniel, your scalp’s still sizzling from the last masterpiece I gave you.” But he handed me the $5 bucks and said, “Make me shine.” So fine, I mixed up the curl chemical, started applying it, and he like… literally went “Sssssss!” like a frying pan. I told him, “Daniel, if it starts burning, dab it with a wet paper towel and pray. Okay? I’m seriously not issuing refunds on discount salon disasters. You ask for this, Mister.”

[Sciencewoman]

So apparently Dan Campbell can regenerate his hair after your initial "masterpiece"/shave/disaster, just like he's regenerated the Lions? OK, I'm willing to believe he has that power.

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by Sciencewoman

So apparently Dan Campbell can regenerate his hair after your initial "masterpiece"/shave/disaster, just like he's regenerated the Lions? OK, I'm willing to believe he has that power.

Ok.. So….. I can explain.

See, that’s the advantage of having a chemistry background, Sciencewoman. When I realized I’d basically… like… totally butchered his scalp? I put my lab coat on, whipped up a topical follicle accelerator using caffeine, dog shampoo, Axe Body Spray, Gatorade Zero, and, (don’t judge me) half a Flintstone vitamin.

I shook it up in a jar, heated it up, prayed over it, and slapped it on. His hair grew back in 24 hours. I was like, “Oh. My. GAWD, Daniel! It actually worked!”

Only problem? Okay.. so it came back like.. this weird bleached blonde, Golden Retriever color? I mean, I don’t even know if it’s permanent? But anyway, I blew it out, dyed it black, and then he goes, “Lay it on me. Can you give me that 80s Michael Jackson look? I wanna look fly when we play your Vikings.” That’s when I added the curl chemical after I dyed it.

So I’m like, “Okaaay… I guess I can try.” And voila’. History was made.

$5 bucks, a minor chemical burn, and now he looks like he’s about to drop a funk album. Pure art.

[Sciencewoman]

Hmmm, the Nobel Prize for Chemistry was announced today. As much as I'd like to say "maybe next year" to you for your contribution to the science of hair restoration, I think you need to continue your research so that clients/patients don't look like a blonde Bozo the Clown or 1980s Michael Jackson after dropping $5 for your treatment.

I don't even want to think about what would have happened if you'd used a whole Flintstones vitamin!

(Just wait, Phrozen, the next magazine cover is going to showcase CGC winning the Nobel Prize for Chemistry after she claims the committee changed their selection, lol)