No place for average PNMs?

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by angels&angles

It's also worth noting -- it may have been said again, but worth repeating -- SOMETIMES shy can look like bored/rude. I've had PNMs drive me up the wall, because they're not giving me ANY feedback whatsoever. I talk about philanthropy, they nod. I talk about social, they nod. I talk about academics, they nod. I ask about them, they give one word answers.

Alot of times, I could tell the difference between the bored/rude ones and the really shy ones... but someone giving me that little to go on just isn't attractive. I usually wouldn't advocate dropping someone like that unless we loved everyone else in the round... but sometimes it comes down to that.

YES.

Active sisters don't have time to try and discern who is shy and who is just rude. And some of them are new to rushing PNMs and just can't tell. When you have maybe ONE party to determine interest levels in PNMs, the most obvious indicator of interest is whether a PNM is actually TALKING to the members.

cob is not an option as all houses made quota

[KSUViolet06]

As I was saying, sure she seems like a great girl on paper and such, but at the end of the day, you were not present in the parties to see her interactions.

You say that she is a little shy in new situations. That could have TOTALLY shown during recruitment and made her less memorable.

Not saying that she is a bad person, but if she is not really talking during the parties and cuts must be made, unfortunately, the shyest will likely be cut.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by kkgdgmom

cob is not an option as all houses made quota

It's possible that some could still be under total. I don't know, but your daughter could ask at Greek Life.

[gee_ess]

kkgdgmom - your daughter does, in fact, sound like a wonderful young woman. Although it may not feel like it, really and truly, GC members do sympathize with your situation. We have just seen these situations occur so many times (many of us are advisors, national officers, or very involved alumni) that we know there are some very consistent scenarios that occur when a girl is cut heavily. I think if you will read carefully, most of us are guessing (and it's a guess, obviously) that the out of state factor was a biggie for your daughter and that she was, quite simply, overlooked. Mentioning the worst case scenarios (less than flattering things a pnm can do to hurt herself) is not meant to hurt your feelings. These things do happen - but we don't know a thing about your specific daughter.

I hope your daughter at the other chapter has been able to help you and your freshman daughter come to terms with what has happened. I can imagine, as a member who has been in the 'inside,' that she could be of great help in working through the disappointment and possibly figuring out what went wrong. At the very least, I am sure she understands how crazy and unpredictable rush can be. Of course, that is not much consolation at this time.

I hope that your daughter has a good year at school and finds her niche, wherever and whatever that may be.

[DrPhil]

I wonder if her daughter was as annoying as her mom is being right now.

[Xidelt]

I guess we've had our flounce post. This story just seems too perfect and convenient to be true.

[Low C Sharp]

Is there any fall-rushing Big 10 school without a chapter that regularly COBs? Indiana really does shut out a lot of qualified women, but they don't have fall rush. All the fall-rushing schools that come to mind have one or more smaller chapters.
________

[ellebud]

Ok...hijack

One thing that my daughter noticed when she was going to recruitment: At her school (notice I said HER school) the rush booklet said...casual first day, a little nicer the next etc. She said that the girls who didn't dress to impress (not expensively necessarily), who weren't (God forgive me for this) as physically fit, who weren't in the loop..got dropped fast.

I have read here that UT (?) has the girls dress in shorts the first day. That doesn't happen here, but knowing the inside information is vital. Some girls know it from the get go, some know it because of sisters/moms/cousins whatever.

What I am saying is: do all your research. Look online for previous years recruitment. You have a few minutes to make an impression.

[srmom]

BUT I'm sure I speak for several posters here when I say you've returned the favor and given us a laugh - you've hit just about every helimom cliche', from the "I hope you don't belong to MY sorority" (and if it makes you feel any better, I hope you aren't in mine!) to "ladies - and I'm using the term loosely" type insults directed to us all, even those who have only tried to offer comfort and a possible explaination.

I don't think this person is for real, for the reasons stated above, and also for the terrible grammar, misuse of words, etc. (unless she's just so upset she can't think straight). But, what tipped me off that this must be a faker is the Country Club comment - any person who truly is in a CC would not make such a stupid comment.

This is just a joke, has to be, it is just too over the top to be legitimate!! But, if it is real - then, from one mother of teenagers and young adults (so I qualify) to another - you need to seriously get a grip...

[SWTXBelle]

That thought crossed my mind, SrMom - but you just never know. Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense. Think of some of the real posters we've had here . . .

[UGAalum94]

I thought troll too, at one point, but then I wasn't so sure.

I feel like it could go either way.

The longer I read GC, the more I think that all the really disagreeable or interesting posters are the sockpuppets of other users just stirring things up.

[ImanEmptyNester]

Let me start out by saying that I am new to Greek Chat. My neighbor who has two daughters that are currently in sororities, told me about Greek Chat and Greek Rank. I have a daughter who is a freshman and is very excited about recruitment. It starts next week at her school. She and her friends have been watching the television show Greek for the past two years, and my daughter is looking forward to making her campus smaller by joining a sorority. I do not know a whole lot about sororities; they did not exist at my college, nor were any of my family member’s part of a fraternity or a sorority. I am a professor at the local university which has a very active Greek system. I have seen many of the positive things associated with being a part of such groups and the negative as well.

The reason I was particularly interested in this thread is that my daughter is pretty average by most standards (she is quite remarkable to me however!). She is a good student, was a nice high school athlete – contributed but not the star, volunteered in our community and at church, and she is cute – you could say she cleans up nice. She is somewhat shy until she gets to know someone, but she is a responsible person and a loyal friend. She worked very hard this summer to earn extra money to buy a couple of new outfits for rush, the outfits were approved by my neighbor’s girls who are in sororities now. My daughter does not know anyone at her new school, which is in another state. I was hoping to find some information that would help me through a process that is very new and foreign to me.

I was disheartened by the comments of numerous posters that were directed towards KKGDGMom. Several of the posters provided sympathetic and caring thoughts on what could have occurred, however, many of you took on almost a “mob” mentality electing to dish up mean-spirited and hurtful remarks (flounce, annoying, psycho, heli, ridiculing her spelling, grammar, etc) to a woman who was most likely using this Greek Chat forum as an opportunity to express her disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc. with her daughter’s rush experience. I am sure that KKGDGMom’s experience as well as her older daughter(s) were positive or she would have not recommended rushing to her daughter. I am sure she is a mother who is very proud of her daughter (and it appears that she has a lot to be proud about – I am going to assume that the daughter was as presented) and is no doubt mystified and extremely saddened by what took place. Imagine how you might feel if a similar scenario played out during your daughter’s first few weeks of college or would have happened to you as a new freshman. Most disconcerting was the post that indicated that most of the posters were advisors, national officers, or active alumni members of sororities.

My heart goes out to all of the moms’ who have experienced the same disappointment in their lives. I would love to hear from other mom’s whose daughter(s) experienced the same thing and how they ultimately coped…perhaps that is a topic for a new thread. And for those posters who provided the snarky commentary to KKGDGMom, I would love to hear about the good things that you did for others during your pledge period. Thank you for letting me vent, I look forward to reading the follow-up posts.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by ImanEmptyNester

Let me start out by saying that I am new to Greek Chat. My neighbor who has two daughters that are currently in sororities, told me about Greek Chat and Greek Rank. I have a daughter who is a freshman and is very excited about recruitment. It starts next week at her school. She and her friends have been watching the television show Greek for the past two years, and my daughter is looking forward to making her campus smaller by joining a sorority. I do not know a whole lot about sororities; they did not exist at my college, nor were any of my family member’s part of a fraternity or a sorority. I am a professor at the local university which has a very active Greek system. I have seen many of the positive things associated with being a part of such groups and the negative as well.

The reason I was particularly interested in this thread is that my daughter is pretty average by most standards (she is quite remarkable to me however!). She is a good student, was a nice high school athlete – contributed but not the star, volunteered in our community and at church, and she is cute – you could say she cleans up nice. She is somewhat shy until she gets to know someone, but she is a responsible person and a loyal friend. She worked very hard this summer to earn extra money to buy a couple of new outfits for rush, the outfits were approved by my neighbor’s girls who are in sororities now. My daughter does not know anyone at her new school, which is in another state. I was hoping to find some information that would help me through a process that is very new and foreign to me.

I was disheartened by the comments of numerous posters that were directed towards KKGDGMom. Several of the posters provided sympathetic and caring thoughts on what could have occurred, however, many of you took on almost a “mob” mentality electing to dish up mean-spirited and hurtful remarks (flounce, annoying, psycho, heli, ridiculing her spelling, grammar, etc) to a woman who was most likely using this Greek Chat forum as an opportunity to express her disappointment, hurt, frustration, etc. with her daughter’s rush experience. I am sure that KKGDGMom’s experience as well as her older daughter(s) were positive or she would have not recommended rushing to her daughter. I am sure she is a mother who is very proud of her daughter (and it appears that she has a lot to be proud about – I am going to assume that the daughter was as presented) and is no doubt mystified and extremely saddened by what took place. Imagine how you might feel if a similar scenario played out during your daughter’s first few weeks of college or would have happened to you as a new freshman. Most disconcerting was the post that indicated that most of the posters were advisors, national officers, or active alumni members of sororities.

My heart goes out to all of the moms’ who have experienced the same disappointment in their lives. I would love to hear from other mom’s whose daughter(s) experienced the same thing and how they ultimately coped…perhaps that is a topic for a new thread. And for those posters who provided the snarky commentary to KKGDGMom, I would love to hear about the good things that you did for others during your pledge period. Thank you for letting me vent, I look forward to reading the follow-up posts.

So an alleged PNM & collegian mother comes on GC to post, was unpleasant to us, and we're the bad people? Honestly, that poster comes out of nowhere, and we've been here for years. I doubt that the poster was for real, but your first post on here is criticizing us, and that doesn't set the tone well for you either.

I am not a mother, but I can tell you I am a daughter and I've managed just fine without my parents interfering and being overly involved in my life. I am old enough to enter contracts, marry, vote, and there was one time in my college career where my parents called campus that didn't involve the accounting office and making a payment. There was an issue with documents and as I was out of the country my mother sent the appropriate copies as she had everything on me since I was abroad. Many of us on GC and all over the world get through life (and join sororities) without the influence or interference of our parents and are not depressed, dropping out of school, or overly dramatic. I thank my parents for raising me to handle life and make good decisions, and would be mortified if they posted about me on the internet because for some reason something didn't work out the way I want it to. Disappointment happens every day and the majority of us suck it up and deal with it.

Let me quote a Delta Tau Delta here: “Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.” The sooner young adults learn to deal with life not being sunshine and roses the sooner they can cope and deal with some of the crap a lot of us went through in college and graduate school. Many of us have been through some rough times (personal health crises, losing family members, substance abuse, and so on) and I'd rather be rejected from a sorority than go through any of that, ever, or again.

[agzg]

I'm all for parents who read the forums or ask (reasonable) questions in order to better understand what their child is going through or help them with wardrobe questions.

I'm not all for parents who use the forums as a place to vent their frustration that their child did not receive a bid. We don't know anything about them or their kid, and can't give reasons as to why or why not a particular potential new member was bid. We can only make assumptions based on the posting style of the parent. If the parent posts like a jerk, we'll assume their kid is a jerk, plain and simple.

Regardless, we expect parents, especially those that are sorority members themselves, to be disappointed when their daughter doesn't receive a bid. Taking it to the point of disagreeing with a poster's (very thoughtful) post by posting snippy things like "you must not have kids" because the post doesn't (or actually might) apply to that one instance will not gain a parent points.

For crying out loud, get excited, disappointed, whatever - but when you take it to the point of whining about it on an internet forum, you've just earned yourself a heli-parent badge. There are much better people to vent to (like say, I don't know, actual FRIENDS). Coming here to whine makes them look like they want to "fix it" for them, or at least defend them when they either have nothing to defend themselves against or should be defending themselves. They're adults. It's hard to get over that, but parents do it all the time. In fact, there are a ton of parents on this board who did just that. They're active posters, and contribute a lot to many of our discussions.

Also, comments like "wah wah she'll at least get into her country club" make you sound like an even BIGGER ass. At that point, a parent has dug him or herself a hole, and the hole keeps getting deeper with comments like that.

If you would like us to understand your frustration, take a moment to try to understand ours - we have heli-parents "vent" on our forums ALL THE TIME. And ALL THE TIME they tell us things like "well I'm glad my daughter didn't pledge a sorority you're all bitches" because we don't think it's appropriate to whine about it here. What you're seeing, for many posters, is YEARS of frustration over this very issue.

In short - go ahead, read the forums, ask any questions you have, but when you take it to the point of posting like a jerk because your child was released from recruitment (which, if you actually DO read the forums you'll see that many of the regular posters do express disappointment because either we personally have been there before or we have friends who were released or whatever the reasons), we're going to treat you as such.

Good luck to your daughter.