Depledging a "loser" sorority? - Page 5

MTSUGURL · #61 10-09-2005, 11:39 AM

"I do not see the point of paying dues if association with the sorority will only give me a bad repuation around campus."
Is thist all you can see your sorority or your association with it "giving you"? How shortsighted, and wrong, of you.

First of all, realize that there are people like me out here from your org that if they find out who you are after you've made such horrible comments about them, you won't have to make the decision whether or not to quit - they'll make it for you.

Second - reputations vary from campus to campu. I attended a school 3 hours from my present campus, and they had 3 of the same sororities. It's amazing how differently they were perceived on each campus. My point - There will come a day when someone will say, "You're an XYZ? They were one of the top houses at my school!"

Third - college lasts for 4 years (ideally). Your membership is for life, which means you have sisters everywhere that came from so many different backgrounds, chapters, etc. Concentrate on that.

Work your tail off in your chapter, and go love your sisters. If you want to stick around here, my advice would be to change your username and never allude to your "My sorority is the loser sorority" posts ever again.
Your other option is to do them the favor of quitting.

Sorry my post is less than sugary sweet, but I'm sure there are quality women who went through recruitment at your school would have loved your sorority that didn't get a bid. Suck it up a change your attitude.

RUASTgrrl · #62 10-09-2005, 11:40 AM

Its my opinion that if you feel you joined a "loser" sorority you are doing the girls a disservice just by being there. Thay are basically wasting their time on you. I'm sure they'd rather have 1 less pledged member than a half assed pledge that will either drop before initiation or right after. They obviously want to better their chapter, and your negativity and probably trash talking about the org won't help. They probably have a great sisterhood that you've already poisoned yourself against. Too bad you missed out.

tinydancer · #63 10-09-2005, 12:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by TechAPhi
Whatever their reputations at UT, the sororities there are wonderful national/international groups -- groups you can be proud to be a member of for the rest of your life.

EXACTLY!! THANK YOU.

sugar and spice · #64 10-09-2005, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by James
ok . . I read through the posts and I see two major popints of view.

1. You should stay in your current chapter regardless of its social power because friendship is the most important thing and that friendship should transcend whether you have a good time or not.

2. You are joining an organization that has a social function and that you should quit if its actually going to limit you or hurt you socially.

Oh and there are the fixer up people . . but thats barely worth considering unless you are the type of person that owns the entire Time Life home Improvement Series.

Here is my take.

You are joining a social organziation. Its an organization where its major purpose is create social opportunities for you.

And remember, all you Politically Correct optimists out there, not all chapters on a campus are created equal. And the chapter you pick can dramatically affect your college experience. Everything from how much you party, to how many guys you get to choose from for your love interests, to even how much community service you do.

So why join an organization that limits you socially over ones that provide more opportunities?

'Cause here is the big truth, you are going to make friends in either type of chapter.

So why not try for the chapter that gives the best options and make friends there?

If you have decent social skills you will always make friends whether you join a good chapter, bad chapter, or don't join at all.

So if the chapter is going to limit you socially even more than being an independant would, don't join.

Word to all of James's post. All of you who are preaching about eternal sisterhood blah blah blah -- you can find that in or outside of a sorority. During my college career, the people I've developed (what will probably become) lifelong friendships with did not just come from my sorority. They came from other organizations I joined, the dorm I lived in -- hell, some of them aren't even in college.

What you have to look at is what sororities can offer your social life that those other friends can't. And the problem is that there are some schools where being in a "bottom tier" group isn't worth it to some people when they know they can find similar opportunities elsewhere. You have to ask yourself if it's really worth it to pay a thousand bucks a semester to have two mixers that aren't even that fun, to get judged for your choices by everyone around you, and to have people you don't even know assume you're fat even though you're a size 4. If you know you can make good friends/have eternal sisterhood blahblahblah elsewhere, why put yourself through that?

rhochi2002 · #65 10-09-2005, 12:29 PM

wow I am also amazed at how cival this discussion has been.
I just want to point out that if this person is for real, she probably has some serious self-esteem issues.
1) you should never let a guy or anyone else tell you how to live your life.

Joining a sorority just like everything else in life has positives and negatives. I personally went through recruitment on a whim as a sophmore. I didn't know anything about sororities other than the obvious media images. But the girls all seemed really nice and I wanted to meet new people. now five years later I am so glad that I joined! I have made some of my best friends, and I have amazing memories.
Now you can make memories and have a great college expirance without joining a sorority. and you can do the same being in a sorority
But no matter what you decide to do you need to be happy. But understand that this is your decision. Either pick yourself up and put your all in to enjoying and being a real sister. or leave!

AchtungBaby80 · #66 10-09-2005, 02:19 PM

You know, crunchies, I get what you're saying. I'm not going to jump down your throat or anything, because I realize that to some people the social aspect is one of the most, if not the most, important reasons for joining a sorority. There's nothing wrong with that. But I really think you should give it a shot before you decide to depledge--and by that I mean really give it a chance by getting to know the members, trying to change your way of thinking so you don't view your sorority as "that" sorority, and just simply having fun with it.

As for what others have said about working to change your chapter's reputation...in all honesty, I don't know if you can change the reputation of your chapter, at least in a time span of only a couple years. My chapter was the smallest when I joined because it had just been recolonized, so a lot of rushees didn't even consider it and we didn't mix with the "top" fraternities. Five years later, we're still considered "middle-tier" at best even though we can compete with the top sororities on numbers, looks, grades, activities, etc. What I'm saying is that it can be a lot harder than it looks to change the campus' perception of a certain chapter, but that didn't make a damn bit of difference to me because I still had the time of my life. I had way more fun and social opportunities than I would've had otherwise. Being in a chapter that's not top-tier is not the end of the world. Sure, you might not have date parties with the "hot" fraternities, but I've found that it's usually the guys in the smaller fraternities who are nicest and treat you the best, and make you feel like they want to hang out with you as opposed to just gracing you with their oh-so-cool presence. Even after my chapter moved up, so to speak, I still preferred the fraternities that we'd mixed with in the beginning. And are you sure it's everybody who thinks your chapter is the "loser" sorority, or just the girls who've depledged?

Sister Havana · #67 10-09-2005, 02:27 PM

AznSAE · #68 10-09-2005, 02:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Sister Havana

you forgot the drink with it!

aephi alum · #69 10-09-2005, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by AznSAE
you forgot the drink with it!

Or, better yet...

BetteDavisEyes · #70 10-09-2005, 03:41 PM

This is seriously the most pathetic thing I've seen. Who would want anyone in their org that is this insecure based on stupid perceptions? What matters is that friendships & bonds that are formed & not the reputation your org is deemed as having by people on that campus. Ummm HELLO??? Every org has their strong & not so strong chapters. Perceptions of orgs change from campus to capmus. I know that on some campuses, Sigma Kappa is a top house while on others, it's not. I just can't believe that people would be so lame as to worry so much about being the "loser" sorority. To me, it is simply in the eye of the beholder.

valkyrie · #71 10-09-2005, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BetteDavisEyes
This is seriously the most pathetic thing I've seen. Who would want anyone in their org that is this insecure based on stupid perceptions? What matters is that friendships & bonds that are formed & not the reputation your org is deemed as having by people on that campus. Ummm HELLO??? Every org has their strong & not so strong chapters. Perceptions of orgs change from campus to capmus. I know that on some campuses, Sigma Kappa is a top house while on others, it's not. I just can't believe that people would be so lame as to worry so much about being the "loser" sorority. To me, it is simply in the eye of the beholder.

And this is exactly how you are completely missing the point. It is in the eye of the beholder. Exactly. Go ahead and sit there on your high horse (and why not enjoy some of this virtual popcorn that everybody thinks is funny enough to post about 900 times) and judge someone because she has different priorities and desires when it comes to sorority membership. Hey, it's great that you think friendship is the most important thing about sorority membership. Maybe you'd be happy to hang around with a bunch of dorks who are outcasts on campus. GOOD FOR YOU, but you're out of line to call someone out for wanting something different. IT'S IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. People want different things. How does it matter if the OP's organization is hotter than festering poo on other campuses if she isn't there? It doesn't -- and it doesn't matter that you or anybody else thinks her concerns are lame or pathetic or whatever.

BetteDavisEyes · #72 10-09-2005, 04:01 PM

No. I think you're the one missing the point. Everyone gets all high & mighty in the Rush threads and tells PNM's that they should always walk in with an open mind & not judge a sorority until they've gotten to know them. Now you're telling this girl that it's o.k. to want to leave her GLO b/c she doesn't want to be in the "loser" sorority? Ummm...yeah. That makes perfect sense. Go into rush with an open mind but feel free to depledge w/out giving it a chance b/c someone else thinks you are in the "loser" sorority.

If she wants to quit it's perfectly fine especially if she's unhappy w/her current situation but don't you find it hypocritical to tell PNM's to have an open mind then turn around and tell a NM to drop if she doesn't want to be labeled a "loser" along w/her GLO.

valkyrie · #73 10-09-2005, 05:07 PM

Well, I never tell anybody to have an open mind because I think that's one of those stupid things people say that really doesn't mean anything. Every woman has a different reason for wanting to join a sorority, and I frankly don't give a rat's ass if she has an open mind or not if she's doing whatever is right for her.

AXi1257 · #74 10-09-2005, 05:12 PM

This has been quite civil so far! Having said that I love Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. It's so yummy...!

Something I've always remembered that you may need to know is "You get out what you put in". If you don't like the so called reputation, then get out there and make a difference and start changing it. Sisterhood is for life. They are your sisters and you need to work at getting to know them better. It's give and take... Stick with it and become involved instead of coming here so quickly after pledging and whining about being in a loser sorority with no social life. I don't mean to be harsh, but really...

TxGirl · #75 10-09-2005, 05:16 PM

As someone who went to The University of Texas, I can honestly say that those in the top tier group, don't realize that there is anyone below them, much less care about making fun of them. So, out of all the groups, it's probably the ones that compete with your chapter for NM's that say crappy things. Of course their competing for many of the same girls so a lot of it's bitter grapes.

As for the frats there are like a zillion of them and it changes from year to year, who's hot and who's not. I don't think Beta is even on campus there anymore and they were one of the best groups when I was there. Things change.

Also, in a campus of 50,000 students, which for a lot of students is bigger than the town they grew up in, how many of them do you really think are looking down their nose at your? Most could care what greek letters some girl walking down the drag or through the six-pack is wearing. Most aren't going to know what group it is anyway.

Because of all these things, it seems that the problem is more that women that you liked in your new member class have depledged. Their decision is influencing yours. From your posts you have said that you haven't spoken/gotten to know many "older" sisters. I don't know if you mean seniors, women older than yourself or women that are already in the chapter. It is just as much your obligation to meet them as it is theirs to meet you. If you are attending chapter meetings, new member meetings, going to chapter dinners etc., unless you are staying only with your new member group and not mixing in with the "older" sisters, I don't understand how you can not be getting to know them.

From the chapters point of view, they know what you're thinking. They know if you're not coming around or decline invitations to go out with your sisters. They know if you aren't going to meetings etc. And they are wondering if you're going to quit. In a "smaller" chapter, things like this are much more apparent than in a" bigger" chapter. Just FYI - total at UT is 150 (unless they have changed it this year). I believe the "smallest" group is 100 and the "biggest" in the 200 range. So, small is not so small.

Utlimately, this is your decision, but make it for the right reasons. Don't have the money to pay? The sisters will understand. But if it's because you don't feel the sisterhood and haven't made an effort or because you are worried that you are in a "loser" sorority. Then leave. The chapter has enough going on without their own members buying into and/or perpetuating stereotypes about them.

I believe that every sister can make a difference in their chapter, but maybe you're just not up to doing that. Some members don't want to put a lot into their chapters, they just want to have a good time.

You just need to decide if you want to be a sister rather than just a member or if you don't want to be either.