Oprah's On: Town Hall Meeting: Imus Controversy: Now What?

[Rain Man]

...and my hat goes off to him for bravely coming out and admitting his sin and what it took to overcome it.

On that note, I will confess this b/c you ALL are my longtime friends and I can say this to you without shame.

My name is Rain Man, aka Jason, and while I am a Man of God...

…I was also a longtime pornography addict.

It began when I was a kid, watching movies on The Movie Channel that I had no business seeing. Then as a teenager, watching more titillating material on late night HBO. Then the habit of masturbation began when I was 14 (yeah, I said it; tell the truth and shame the devil). By the time I graduated high school until the time I gave my life to the Lord 10 years later, I was practicing the habit on average, twice a day.

But wait, there’s more.

During my 2nd year of college, I bought my “first” pornographic magazine (while I had previously looked at a Playboy or Penthouse or Players magazine once in a blue moon, it had never done anything for me). But this time, it was different because now I was hooked, because I began to buy more and more and more. By my third year of college (1994), I was renting the occasional video, but by 1996 I was hooked on that too.

My spiral of degradation accelerated through 1997 and 1998. I was renting videos on average 3 TIMES A WEEK often renting at least 2 videos at a time at $5 a pop. And that’s not counting the magazines I was still purchasing. You do the math on how much $ I blew. And I was going through a bankruptcy at that time too. Romans Chapter 1 had definitely proved itself in my life (God giving you over to a reprobate mind).

By the fall of 1998 I had hit rock bottom. God had given me enough grace to take me out of my 3rd shift job I hated and get me a great running car at a steal of a price (I had owned 4 different cars in a one year period) and for His grace and mercy (mercy being getting me through a divorce and bankruptcy going on at the same time unscathed). In gratitude, I gave my life to the Lord December 6, 1998.

Was it all over? Hardly!

*to be continued*

[Rain Man]

Although my habit had reduced to only once a day and the frequency of my buying magazines diminished (it was totally eliminated in 2002), I still had a LOT of work to do. God had to do a major spiritual cleansing in my soul and because of my longevity in such a sin, it was not an instant deliverance.

Nonetheless, my habit frequency as well as my video rental frequency also diminished significantly (I can safely say I no longer struggle with temptation to rent videos). But another bad habit was coming up on the horizon. Yes, the Internet.

In 2003, I got my first computer with Internet access, and got my first taste of Internet porn almost immediately. Staying up late night to all night looking at cyberporn became a regular thing and I was running up credit card bills (but thankfully I had the money needed to pay them off). In June 2004 I got rid of the Internet and my computer 6 months later. 5 months later (May 2005), I got another computer and another Internet hook up, and unlike the previous times, I began downloading pics and movies on my laptop to the point I had close to 7 GIGABYTES of porn on my computer (about 25% of my hard drive).

By this time, I had enough. My accountability partner whom I enlisted 6 months ago cracked down on me and told me to shape up. I installed a filter and accountability software on my computer, deleted the files, and now I am fully prepared to do whatever it takes not to go back to where I had been.

Lessons learned from all my years of sin:

My addiction was largely due to my need to anesthetize pain (loneliness, rejection from girls, abuse from my family and classmates at school).

I could not fight this addiction alone. Major victories were occurring simply by my enlisting an accountability partner to help.

I badly needed to get out and socialize and fellowship with others and overcome my fear of rejection. Sometimes my spending too much time alone would be all it took to fuel the desire.

Simply put, the social fellowship killed the addiction. The Word kept the addiction buried.

I wish more men with this problem would be bold like Kirk Franklin and step forward and confess it. That alone can make a world of difference.

BTW, if you wish to laugh at me or mock me because of my confession, I understand. But I also understand there’s nothing anyone can do to me what the enemy hasn’t already tried to do to me. I fought the enemy and the enemy lost.

Sorry for the book and while I did not mean to hijack the thread, I had to get this off my chest after all these years.

Blessings…

[darling1]

i didnt watch the kirk franklin interview with oprah. i actually love oprah but couldnt bring myself to watch kirk talk about his problem. ive read all that many of you have written and it has been such a blessing to read. i cant help but still feel like he should have kept his mouth shut. im not sure why i feel that way; perhaps its anger that people dont respect the sanctity of marriage anymore and do such selfish things to destroy it. maybe im probably am such an idealist that i put people who profess to be of god and minister to folks daily at a higher standard. maybe i feel like if i can bust my hump and work, take my licks and deal with the good and bad in my marriage and not resort to behavior that will/could destroy my marriage, why cant other folks. i am FAR from perfect, but have we lost all sense of moral decency and common sense?

it does take alot for a person to share a part of their life, their marriage in front of an entire world. im sure kirk and his wife will be a testimony to some. when your spouse is working through some mess of his/her own, you are suppose to support unconditionally, 100%.

thank you ladies for sharing HIS word. ive got some reading to do and some conversations to initiate with GOD.

@rainman--im not sure why you felt you needed to share your story, but i appreciate your testimony. stay strong!

btw, did anyone catch oprah yesterday? i just want to say than GOD for being in this country and for the choice to determine what happens to my womb.

[nikki1920]

I didnt see the interview, but I think its good that people share their stories so that other people who may feel like *insert issue here* only happens to them. I think people are beginning to trivialize marriage to some extent. People can profess to be of God, but all that means is that they are human and thus, will sin. I don't put anyone on a higher standard b/c then I would have to be there too, and I KNOW I can't do it. A good pastor is willing and able to admit his/her faults and pray for the strength and the willpower to over come them. Kirk may be a famous person and whatever, but he's still JUST a man, a father, a husband, a PERSON. His other "stuff" makes him no better nor worse than me.

I admire anyone who can be married, with children, in the spotlight and still make it work. I can admire people who say "I have XYZ issue and need help. I prayed and got this help in response."

So YAY Kirk for telling, YAY Tammi for sticking with and supporting him and YAY Oprah for sharing the story.

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by darling1

@rainman--im not sure why you felt you needed to share your story, but i appreciate your testimony. stay strong!

Because just as Kirk had to courage to confess his problem with porn, it convicted me to confess my problem with it, and thus hopefully it will convict other porn addicts who were watching to confess their problem with it to their wives or accountability partners.

Here's the key to porn addiction: The secrecy of being hooked and not telling anyone. Once you confess it, you shame the devil and he cannot shame you with holding the addiction over your head like the Sword of Damocles.

One of the keys to spiritual victory is confessing your sin. That is why Kirk's testimony on Oprah was so powerful, particularly in light of the fact that he is a high profile gospel artist. If he is humble enough to confess he has a problem, it will convict others to do the same thing.

So let my testimony here serve as a representation of the seed Kirk planted in the men of God and prayerfully, deliver those unsaved out of their sexual sin and bring them to the living God.

In any event, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[darling1]

i understand why you shared . when anyone has the courage to share something so personal to be a blessing to someone else, it is a good thing. i thank you again for your openness.

Originally posted by Rain Man
Because just as Kirk had to courage to confess his problem with porn, it convicted me to confess my problem with it, and thus hopefully it will convict other porn addicts who were watching to confess their problem with it to their wives or accountability partners.

Here's the key to porn addiction: The secrecy of being hooked and not telling anyone. Once you confess it, you shame the devil and he cannot shame you with holding the addiction over your head like the Sword of Damocles.

One of the keys to spiritual victory is confessing your sin. That is why Kirk's testimony on Oprah was so powerful, particularly in light of the fact that he is a high profile gospel artist. If he is humble enough to confess he has a problem, it will convict others to do the same thing.

So let my testimony here serve as a representation of the seed Kirk planted in the men of God and prayerfully, deliver those unsaved out of their sexual sin and bring them to the living God.

In any event, thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[btb87]

Originally posted by Rain Man
Here's the key to porn addiction: The secrecy of being hooked and not telling anyone. Once you confess it, you shame the devil and he cannot shame you with holding the addiction over your head like the Sword of Damocles.

I totally agree, and will say that's the key to any sin that's done "in the dark" - whether it is drinking, running around or anything else. Sometimes I think people believe that if no one knows about it, it's not as bad as it really is. You know, most times, we can rationalize anything to suit our needs.

Like darling1 said, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sure you're not the only one.

[Tickled Pink 2]

Originally posted by starang21
how so?

especially if you don't hide it.

Sorry I'm just responding...

Well, cheating (like abuse) is not purely physical - it can be mental - and I suppose it depends on the relationship. If 2 people have made committments to be loyal to each other, yet person "B" (male or female) looks at porn, yes, it's cheating. Why? Because while he or she is looking at the porn, they are definately having some some "not so nice" thoughts about whoever they're looking at. Hence the wanting or lusting after what he or she is seeing and hence the cheating part. Now - if they've committed to each other and he or she still does this openly - it doesn't mean it's not cheating. It just a matter of how much is the other partner willing to tolerate. In Christian terms - the other partner may believe that there is a destructive, demonic "spirit" behind the porn obsession - and may prayerfully stay with the person if they've repented (as in Kirk Franklin's case).

Now if 2 people have an agreement in their relationship where they can view porn, have intercourse with others, etc.... it's not cheating (ETA: in the sense of betrayal). It ain't right .... but it's not cheating.

[Tickled Pink 2]

Originally posted by Rain Man
BTW, if you wish to laugh at me or mock me because of my confession, I understand. ...

But woe to the one that does. That whole statement was touching & deep. It was very brave of you to share your story Rain Man. To God be the glory.

[starang21]

Originally posted by Tickled Pink 2
Sorry I'm just responding...

Well, cheating (like abuse) is not purely physical - it can be mental - and I suppose it depends on the relationship. If 2 people have made committments to be loyal to each other, yet person "B" (male or female) looks at porn, yes, it's cheating. Why? Because while he or she is looking at the porn, they are definately having some some "not so nice" thoughts about whoever they're looking at. Hence the wanting or lusting after what he or she is seeing and hence the cheating part. Now - if they've committed to each other and he or she still does this openly - it doesn't mean it's not cheating. It just a matter of how much is the other partner willing to tolerate. In Christian terms - the other partner may believe that there is a destructive, demonic "spirit" behind the porn obsession - and may prayerfully stay with the person if they've repented (as in Kirk Franklin's case).

Now if 2 people have an agreement in their relationship where they can view porn, have intercourse with others, etc.... it's not cheating (ETA: in the sense of betrayal). It ain't right .... but it's not cheating.

exactly what is mental/emotional cheating? how can you honestly emotionally cheat with a non-responsive image on the screen? men are visual creatures, so this is appealing to us in the most simplest form.

[Tickled Pink 2]

Originally posted by starang21
exactly what is mental/emotional cheating? how can you honestly emotionally cheat with a non-responsive image on the screen? men are visual creatures, so this is appealing to us in the most simplest form.

Originally posted by Tickled Pink 2
Because while he or she is looking at the porn, they are definately having some some "not so nice" thoughts about whoever they're looking at. Hence the wanting or lusting after what he or she is seeing and hence the cheating part.

Especially if the 2 have agreed to make a committment to each other. So..... even though a man is visual - to purposely look for sexual stimulation - visual or otherwise is cheating.

Question for you - why wouldn't the person look for the stimulation in their wife or husband?

[Rain Man]

Originally posted by Tickled Pink 2
Especially if the 2 have agreed to make a committment to each other. So..... even though a man is visual - to purposely look for sexual stimulation - visual or otherwise is cheating.

Question for you - why wouldn't the person look for the stimulation in their wife or husband?

Excellent post, TP2! Couldn't have said it better myself.

Note: when men have been looking at porn and then get intimate with their wives (or girlfriends), men's minds tends to "wander" and they tend to focus on the nude images. And women can detect this because they can sense when a man is not focused solely on them. Women have described this as "the man is there but he's not there."

[abaici]

First of all, Romans 7 is powerful. It speaks to where I am right now. Really, where alot of us are.

I thought Kirk was very brave for sharing his story. I also just think his wife is amazing.

Oprah on the other hand...hmmm.

[AKA2D '91]

John Legend: Wednesday

[Lady of Pearl]

It takes a lot of courage for people to be transparent with their lives especially Christians no longer can we afford to pretend- somebody may be delivered by your testimony! As Kirk Franklin and Rainman did, -many men struggle with that addiction- inside and outside of the church. Only through prayer and renewing your mind with the word of God will one be delivered. Keep on testifying and set the captives free!