what's the funniest thing you've ever heard a drunk person say?

[Hootie]

"OMG~ SAVE THE CHICKEN, IT'S DROWNING"
~my Assistant Manager in reference to the chicken wing that got knocked onto the floor during 1 drunken fest

[SSS1365]

I once told my friends that my comforter was on the dryer.

I know this guy who says the dumbest things ALL the time, even when he's SOBER! An example: "One day I'm just gonna start digging, and I'm gonna keep digging until I have this really deep hole."

[Optimist Prime]

Originally posted by SSS1365
I once told my friends that my comforter was on the dryer.

I know this guy who says the dumbest things ALL the time, even when he's SOBER! An example: "One day I'm just gonna start digging, and I'm gonna keep digging until I have this really deep hole."

Do I know you

[DWAlphaGam]

Originally posted by MSSTCY1
A couple years ago, before I was a veteran drinker, I went out and got completely smashed. My friends carried me back to my dorm room and threw me on my bed. I immediately started puking into the trash can. My roomate told me to get up and go to the bathroom but I refused, I just put my head farther into the trash can and continued puking. They tried to take the trash can away from me ( thinking I would go and puke in the bathroom) but I refused to let go of it. When one of them tried again to pull it away from me, I yelled, "no, don't take my trash can, I love the trash can, I'm going to make love to the trash can, I'm going to have TRASH CAN BABIES."

To this day, everytime I get drunk, someone asks me if I want to go and make my trash can babies.

Aw, man, that's hilarious! I almost snarfed my tea!

[PhiSigFly]

We were sleeping over one of the sister's houses and we were drinking, but not really getting drunk. We were talking about how college freshman get all crazy when they go away to school but usually calm down after a year or two. At that point, one of the girls who had been drinking A LOT passed out on the floor. About an hour later, we were all slightly buzzed and talking about something COMPLETELY different... Actually, the new conversation topic was about giving the "perfect blowjob." Well, out of no where, the passed out girls sits up and SCREAMS "Its because of the freedom!" and passes right back out. It was so funny!

[BSP_Nicole]

Three quotes from three separate occasions:

Friend: "I'm the Leaf King!" <-- said while lying on the grass, tossing leaves into the air

Me: "We're mountain goats!" (our campus was built in a valley and on the surrounding hills

Hubby: "I'm over here, and you're over there. And if you're not over here with me, then you are over there."

[Rio_Kohitsuji]

Ick..I hate to admit this...
Okay, I'm at my boyfriend's 21st birthday party/major TKE party. Well, TKE209 has gotten pretty wasted beforehand (care of Firewater) we're sitting down in the living room and he's pointing everyone out and slurring out their name's to me. (we had dated only a few months) Needless to say, a not-to-lovely girl walked by when he VERY loudly announced, "See dat girl, her name is Dr.Teeth" Um..remember Dr.Teeth from the Muppets? Yeah.. Of course this was followed by him walking up to ppl and drunkly proclaiming, "This is my giiiiiiiirlfrieeeend" with him hanging onto my shoulders.

Now mine
I went to my best buds prom during my freshman year in college. Well, good old TKE209 buys me my stash of alcoholic beverages and we start drinking as soon as we hit the house that all and my buds are going to be staying at. Needless to say, there's a scumbag date somewhere..and it ended up being an old friend's of mine date. Well, I've already took some shot of tequila when the guys asks, "So baby, can those pants go any lower?" (I was wearing some low riding jammie pants) Of course, this is right in front of my easily-angered boyfriend. So, in my very feminine comeback I state while trying to introduce everyone to eachother I say, "See that guy *points to Dusty*, well, he's Dustin, I f^^k him." That ended the comments from him the rest of the night.

[FiReKraCkEr]

Wise words frmo a drunk girl:

"If you like someone, you GO AFTER TAHT A$$"

"IRON CHEF, the FOOD Battle is OV-AH"- randomly at the Bay

me to all my friends at our Governor's Inaugral Ball:

"I want some HOT MEAT!!!" refering to all the Democratic hotties around...lol

[CardinalSM]

My pledge sister after knocking over the over the toiler shelf in my bathroom: "Damnit, the tampons are viciously attacking me! Save me from tampon death!"

Another friend "Ooooh watch that guy dance! He makes my ears tingle!"

A guy friend " Hey, will you go get me another Vodberry and Cranka?"

Walking into the dorm one night, another pledge sister:"Shit! look at that squirrel with his rabid eyes, he is thinking where do I bite her, how do I kill her? He is going to attack me tonight while I am sleeping, you know. I will be dead tomorrow."

[G8Ralphaxi]

I dated a guy in a fraternity here at UF for about a year, so I spent a good deal of time hanging out at his fraternity house. Quite an educational experience...

So, anyway, I was over there one weekend night after we had all gone out drinking (everyone was over 21, of course ). it was maybe 3 a.m.

...and suddenly I hear this bloodcurdling scream from down the hall....

"YEAH BABY, IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCK TIME!!!!!!"

I turned to my boyfriend and asked him, "What the hell is sock time?" And he just said, "Oh no. oh no. oh God no."

then we got our answer, as one of the brothers came running down the hallway, wearing nothing but (yep, you guessed it) a strategically placed sock, banging his hands on the walls, screaming his head off, "Sock time! sock time! sock time! sock time!"

Apparently this was a relatively common occurence, because none of the older brothers seemed surprised at all.

[OUlioness01]

I am LMAO at all of these!!!

[RedFox]

I was over at a friends apartment and we rented the 4 hour movie version of Hamlet because a good friend of mine had to watch it for his Shakespeare class...anyway, they decided to make up a drinking game to go along with it. You know how everyone dies eventually in the end and how random people die over the course of the movie? Well my friends decided that whenever anyone dies, they take a shot. Kate Winslet (Titanic, for those who don't know) played the role of Ophelia, the one who was in love with Hamlet and eventually killed herself. To make a long story short, my friend came out of his room and looked at the tv and was like "is THAT Winona Ryder? She's hot!" How he mistakened Kate Winslet for Winona Ryder I'll never know... I love drunken stories

[White_Chocolate]

my little brother and i are known as the world's funniest drunks. when we drink together or apart, we always have funny stories to tell.

my little brother got totally smashed at a party and he didn't want my mom to know(she would kill us if she knew that we drank). so, he called me to come and get him. i go over to this party and ask 'where's topher?' i look around and spot his then-girlfrend, megan sitting on the floor outside of a room. i walk into the room and he's just sitting in a chair slumped over. his first reaction to me is that i'm my mother because we look and sound so much alike. . .he goes 'awww, s*, mom! don't whip me in front of my friends, okay?'

another scenario:
my little brother was in the area so he came over to party with me. i took him to an fraternity party at this bar. so, we're both drunk(i snuck him tequila shots through the guy i was liking) and he's talking to two girls when he says that he's got to go to the bathroom. they keep stopping him and dancing on him.
so, he calls my name really loud and goes, 'lexee, tell these girls that i got to go piss!' and i tap the girls on the shoulders and say 'hey, he'll be right back. . .and then, he's probably going to take one of you hos home. . .'
they gave me this weird mean look and i said 'well, since you're both the cute little whores. . .you both can go.'

[FiReKraCkEr]

Now that I am sober....lol

"No, man, we just beat them with dildos until they pass out"

"Do you ever wonder if ugly people know they are ugly?"

"OHHHH Girl, never judge a guy by the size of their feet, cause you will be DISSAPOINTED!!!"

[AOX81]

"I may be drunk, but you're ugly. And tomorrow, I'll be sober."