To Wait or Not To Wait: That is the Question

[agzg]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Some people have family diamonds, and I get that. But to just have one that you already want takes the "gift for you that I picked out" factor out of it. Makes it more like an "add man and stir" kind of situation. I don't want that.

I have family diamonds but those mean something different to me - they mean my relationship with my mom and her relationship with hers - they don't mean my relationship with live-in.

I guess family diamonds are alright but I don't think it's right for me. But I'd be happy with a piece of glass in some tin foil.

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by DrPhil

LOL. I agree, although I don't believe in having the ring you want. LOL.

But...but how can I WAL if I don't liiiiiike iiiiiittt???

Originally Posted by jdrama

I would say yes to a $50 ring from the pawn shop if it's the right man.

I used to joke that I'd say yes to a ring pop. A ring pop in my favorite flavor would mean more than some gaudy 10-carat ring that is more him showing off than looking for something I'd like.

But if I could get to choose....

[jdrama]

Originally Posted by christiangirl

But...but how can I WAL if I don't liiiiiike iiiiiittt???


I used to joke that I'd say yes to a ring pop. A ring pop in my favorite flavor would mean more than some gaudy 10-carat ring that is more him showing off than looking for something I'd like.

But if I could get to choose....

I don't even know what kind of right I'd want. I don't like rings. I had a purity ring and that's the longest ring I wore.

I don't want to pick my own ring out. I want the ring and chose because I would want to ask 'Why did you choose this ring?' and I want the whole reasoning.

[christiangirl]

My purity ring is the only ring I ever wear and, I have to admit, it's pretty and dainty and girly all the things I'm not. I love it, but I don't want my wedding ring to look anything like it. I know exactly what I want and, while I think it'd be really romantic for a man to pick out what he thinks I'd like, but it'd be more romantic for me if he let me decide--better yet, if we decide together.

Sooooo what was this thread about? I think we've hijacked it to pieces.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Some people have family diamonds, and I get that. But to just have one that you already want takes the "gift for you that I picked out" factor out of it. Makes it more like an "add man and stir" kind of situation. I don't want that.

Also, your style can change SO much. What you liked at 22 may be completely different from what you want at 29, even if money's not an issue. I think about my jewelry tastes at 22 and shudder!

[ASTalumna06]

Originally Posted by ree-Xi

Your wedding day is over so quickly. Why put off your MARRIAGE just so you can throw away "a lot more money" on a party?

First of all, this comment made me think of a Friends episode...

Chandler: "Well, come on, I’ve been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party."
Monica: "This is the most special day of our lives."
Chandler: "No, I realize that honey, but I’m not gonna spend all of the money on one party."
Monica: "Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited."



And one of the Postsecrets today reads:

"I wish people would spend as much time on their marriages as they spend on their wedding"

[Animate]

Originally Posted by ASTalumna06

First of all, this comment made me think of a Friends episode...

Chandler: "Well, come on, I’ve been saving this money for six years and I kinda had some of it earmarked for the future, not just for a party."
Monica: "This is the most special day of our lives."
Chandler: "No, I realize that honey, but I’m not gonna spend all of the money on one party."
Monica: "Honey, umm I-I love you, but umm, if you call our wedding a party one more time, you may not get invited."



And one of the Postsecrets today reads:

"I wish people would spend as much time on their marriages as they spend on their wedding"

HA! I remember that episode too. That quote is spot on too. Spending a ridiculous amount of money on one day is absurd to me. I'm all for a nice wedding and reception but I find that so many women have this big fairy tale thing in their head that has no cost and then once they start seeing how much things cost...THEY STILL TRY TO MAKE THE FAIRY TALE HAPPEN!

[cheerfulgreek]

Originally Posted by ShawnMack

If you love someone dont wait to save money for a wedding. Do what you can, cause you can always get remarried and then have that big wedding. ?}

This is so dumb to me. My best friend did this and, she still hasn't had the "wedding ceremony", yet. Or maybe I should say the "wedding ceremony" that she wants. I mean, just have a ceremony and be done with it. People put SO much emphasis on the "act" itself.

eta: and I just love how you used the word "remarried." I know what you meant, but do you see how silly that sounds? lol

Married vs. Ceremony: Two different things.

[KSUViolet06]

Sidenote: It puzzles me when people go to the courthouse or something to get married, then a YEAR or so later register for gifts, have a ceremony and reception and call it a wedding. I feel like it should be called something else, lol.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Sidenote: It puzzles me when people go to the courthouse or something to get married, then a YEAR or so later register for gifts, have a ceremony and reception and call it a wedding. I feel like it should be called something else, lol.

Like an anniversary? LOL

I find the whole "have a reception later" concept to be really strange. Either do it when you get married or don't do it. If it is important to you and it means you have to wait a year, then wait a year and save up the money. If it is really the right person for you there should be no rush to get married because you will be married for the rest of your life. One more year really isn't a big deal.

[jdrama]

My cousin got married at the courthouse and then had the 'reception' at my grandma's house. All we did was eat, talk, and play spades like every other family function except we bought some gifts. If they waited a year later, it would've been a baby shower. lol

[christiangirl]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

Sidenote: It puzzles me when people go to the courthouse or something to get married, then a YEAR or so later register for gifts, have a ceremony and reception and call it a wedding. I feel like it should be called something else, lol.

SisterCG did this, but she called it a "vow affirmation." Everyone else called it a wedding, but she didn't. Her husband was in the military and was being relocated so it wasn't really their fault they didn't get their big shindig the first time around.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by jdrama

My cousin got married at the courthouse and then had the 'reception' at my grandma's house. All we did was eat, talk, and play spades like every other family function except we bought some gifts. If they waited a year later, it would've been a baby shower. lol

If you got married but didn't have a wedding and you want to celebrate your marriage a year later, cool. But call it an anniversary party/celebration or something. It's not a wedding. Don't get me started on registering for gifts for it. My mom was invited to the "wedding" of one of her friend's kids last year. They had been married for TWO years already, owned a home, had a KID, and registered for gifts. Seriously? You have been married 2 years already. No gifts for you. lol.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by KSUViolet06

If you got married but didn't have a wedding and you want to celebrate your marriage a year later, cool. But call it an anniversary party/celebration or something. It's not a wedding. Don't get me started on registering for gifts for it. My mom was invited to the "wedding" of one of her friend's kids last year. They had been married for TWO years already, owned a home, had a KID, and registered for gifts. Seriously? You have been married 2 years already. No gifts for you. lol.

This is a trend right now, it seems. Most of the time, it's military couples who need to get married soonish for benefits or power of attorney. I understand the quick wedding for practical purposes. One of my girlfriends married her guy (they already have a kid), and they were supposed to just do the JOP thing with immediate family and have a larger ceremony/reception for everyone else later on. Well, the JOP thing grew into a huge deal with photographers, a custom-made dress, and an announcement in the NY Times. That's great and I'm happy for them, but then they still want to do the big friends event--on a holiday weekend. WTF? You can't have it both ways. Granted, I know people who were already planning the wedding when things changed quickly and they needed to get married legally right away. I understand those circumstances a little bit more.

I think it comes down to people thinking that they're "entitled" to a big wedding even when they can't swing it for very practical reasons. There's no requirement for a fancy wedding.

[AGDee]

Originally Posted by Munchkin03

This is a trend right now, it seems. Most of the time, it's military couples who need to get married soonish for benefits or power of attorney. I understand the quick wedding for practical purposes. One of my girlfriends married her guy (they already have a kid), and they were supposed to just do the JOP thing with immediate family and have a larger ceremony/reception for everyone else later on. Well, the JOP thing grew into a huge deal with photographers, a custom-made dress, and an announcement in the NY Times. That's great and I'm happy for them, but then they still want to do the big friends event--on a holiday weekend. WTF? You can't have it both ways. Granted, I know people who were already planning the wedding when things changed quickly and they needed to get married legally right away. I understand those circumstances a little bit more.

I think it comes down to people thinking that they're "entitled" to a big wedding even when they can't swing it for very practical reasons. There's no requirement for a fancy wedding.

Seems like you could do that sort of thing without even telling people, which is probably what I'd do in that situation. At this point, the only reason I'd ever get married is health insurance so I don't think I'd even tell people I got married if I did.