Frat Life is not what it's cracked up to be

[APhiAlien1996]

What I'm about to say, I'm sure many of you wanted to say but didn't. Speaking from my experience as an Alpha man, other greeks can add on to this as well. Here in Atlanta, you have many big wigs of corporations that have key positions at their jobs. When I try to network with these bruhs, it's the same old same old story. 1) Exchange numbers, call the the bruh, he never answers/and or don't call back. 2) Give 'em your resume, never hear back from them, or they give you that "my hands are tied" crap. 3) Email bruhs, never get a reply. 4) I've been stranded on the side of the road, flashers on, hood up, and another Alpha will see the tags/para. on your car and keep rolling. Ain't that some garbage? Oh, and let's not forget, bruhs see you somewhere and both of you got on Alpha gear, they don't even speak. So what I'm really saying is that Alphas be acting shady to one another and yes, I am airing out some dirty laundry. Then active brothers want to know why other brothers don't become financial or participate in events.

So I ask, why is this happening bruhs? Can anyone in other orgs. relate and has this happened to you as well? I thought fraternity/sorority life was about helping one another.

[APhiAlien1996]

Oh, by the way, even though I am speaking of other Alpha men, this goes for all greeks.

[treblk]

uuhhmm wow..the question that I have for you is, are you putting you faith in Alpha or are you putting your faith in people. I think that no matter what letters someone has, they are people first, letters second. People were shady before letters and will be shady with letters. I believe these things have happened to many of us, with and without letters, so maybe you need to change your networking game up and talk to EVERYONE not just your frat JMHO.

[APhiAlien1996]

Originally Posted by treblk

uuhhmm wow..the question that I have for you is, are you putting you faith in Alpha or are you putting your faith in people. I think that no matter what letters someone has, they are people first, letters second. People were shady before letters and will be shady with letters. I believe these things have happened to many of us, with and without letters, so maybe you need to change your networking game up and talk to EVERYONE not just your frat JMHO.

Oh yes, I do agree with you 100%. But, I thought that networking with your frat. would help, at least that's what I believed. However, folks are still shady.

[Professor]

[whiteandblack]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

Oh, by the way, even though I am speaking of other Alpha men, this goes for all greeks.

thank you.

[Jody]

So.....

what did you think frat life was supposed to be? I'm just curious?

[APhiAlien1996]

Seriously, many of you do not get what I am saying. Well, I know you do but you still have on your fraternity/sorority blinders on. Neos can't relate, but graduate/leave college, get out into the real world and let some of the newness wear off. I'm sure everyone that pledged something was told that your organization would be there when you needed something, right or wrong? I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

[whiteandblack]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

Seriously, many of you do not get what I am saying. Well, I know you do but you still have on your fraternity/sorority blinders on. Neos can't relate, but graduate/leave college, get out into the real world and let some of the newness wear off. I'm sure everyone that pledged something was told that your organization would be there when you needed something, right or wrong? I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

sure, I got you but like treblk said people first, letters second. I got you.

[Animate]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

Seriously, many of you do not get what I am saying. Well, I know you do but you still have on your fraternity/sorority blinders on. Neos can't relate, but graduate/leave college, get out into the real world and let some of the newness wear off. I'm sure everyone that pledged something was told that your organization would be there when you needed something, right or wrong? I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

While I get what you are saying I think you may have been expecting some all powerful brotherhood full of brothers that will be there any and everytime you need. Its not going to be like that. Like others have said, people are people first and foremost.

And neos can relate!

<---- Neo

[Maestro1]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

Seriously, many of you do not get what I am saying. Well, I know you do but you still have on your fraternity/sorority blinders on. Neos can't relate, but graduate/leave college, get out into the real world and let some of the newness wear off. I'm sure everyone that pledged something was told that your organization would be there when you needed something, right or wrong? I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

APhiAlien1996,

I wanted to share my thoughts with you last week, but thought it best to collect my thoughts before posting. Back in April 2006 I left my old job to take a better paying job. I was still a neo in our graduate chapter, and to be honest taking this job would mean I would have less time to participate in the chapter, due to my daily commute and my work hours.

Nonetheless, Brothers still managed to support my decision to move onward and upward in my professional career. They took me out to lunch, gave me gifts to help celebrate my new job, I felt like I had crossed all over again. A few short months later, my job went through some restructuring and of course it was "last hired, first fired". I was out of work in the dead of the summer. My wife and I were expecting a child and the only thing I had to fall back on was unemployment.

One of my LB's was quick to come to my phinancial assistance by making me a loan during a terribly tough financial period. He and his wife were "looking" to help someone out because that's what God placed in their hearts.

Sure, I forwarded my resume to a few brothers to pass around their job. But I did not lean on the shield and EXPECT them to get me a job. If I was lucky, I hoped to get at least an interview. If I can't sell myself to any prospective employer, then who can?

I never got a job, or an interview as a result of passing my resume to Bruhs, but nor do I feel it was their obligation to find me a job. Alpha Phi Alpha does not feed my family, that is my responsibility.

I found a new job recently, and I still commute to work each day. One day I was walking near a strip of restaurants and saw a brother with Alpha plates on his car. I walked up and introduced myself, and he immediately pulled over to talk. We went to lunch that day, and before I could pull my wallet out he had already paid for both of our lunches. It was my intention to pay for his lunch, but I guess in the spirit of brotherhood he beat me to it.

My LB's will see my wife at the coffee shop and pay for her coffee. I have seen frat brothers stranded on the side of the road, and stopped with no hesitation.

I support the undergraduate chapters on two separate college campuses by attending at least one service project or event, even though both are separated by about 50 miles. I make it a point to attend service project and participate as much as I can within my own chapter.......even though I am still not financial due to my setbacks last summer, and my newborn child.

In fact, when I told my wife how much or little my dues were SHE admonished me for not being financial, and SHE'S NOT GREEK! Apparently she felt that "EXCUSES ARE TOOLS OF THE INCOMPETENT!"

A wise woman once said, "Not only did you choose Alpha, but they choose you!" I respect you opinion, but if I were in your position I would hope a brother would tell me, "The same effort you put into becoming a member of Alpha Phi Alpha, is the same effort you need to put into bettering yourself and your position in life."

Our alumni chapter has a great relationship with our undergraduate chapter. In this world of "made" vs. "paper" and the perceptions about undergrad and graduate "processes", we've been able to work together and be successful as Alpha Men.

In closing, I have helped young men and women of various BGLO's by hiring them, and then providing references. My obligation is to help ALL young men and women, not just Alpha men. I have no problem providing references for the many Sigma's, Alpha's, Kappa's, and Delta's who were once my former employees.

No doubt you've had some negative experiences, but do not generalize them to include the entire organization. This brother is willing to help you out in whatever way I can. Hit me up with a PM.

Sorry for the novel people! I just got carried away!

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

I dare any of you to tell me that your frat/soror was there when you truly needed them!!

They were--many times.

{{{Jody}}}

[Wolfman]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

What I'm about to say, I'm sure many of you wanted to say but didn't. Speaking from my experience as an Alpha man, other greeks can add on to this as well. Here in Atlanta, you have many big wigs of corporations that have key positions at their jobs. When I try to network with these bruhs, it's the same old same old story. 1) Exchange numbers, call the the bruh, he never answers/and or don't call back. 2) Give 'em your resume, never hear back from them, or they give you that "my hands are tied" crap. 3) Email bruhs, never get a reply. 4) I've been stranded on the side of the road, flashers on, hood up, and another Alpha will see the tags/para. on your car and keep rolling. Ain't that some garbage? Oh, and let's not forget, bruhs see you somewhere and both of you got on Alpha gear, they don't even speak. So what I'm really saying is that Alphas be acting shady to one another and yes, I am airing out some dirty laundry. Then active brothers want to know why other brothers don't become financial or participate in events.

So I ask, why is this happening bruhs? Can anyone in other orgs. relate and has this happened to you as well? I thought fraternity/sorority life was about helping one another.

Fundamentally,you made a strategic mistake:you pledged an inferior frat--one not based on friendship.

Seriously, we live in an age where the basic values of true brotherhood is cherished and lived out is becoming embattled; what motivates many people is self-aggrandizement. But don't despair, there are people who truly live the ideals of their organizations; but be wary of equating brotherhood with worldly wealth and influence. Many of us have gotten to the point that we believe that we don't need God or each other.We don't even feel we have any responsibility to each other's well being as a community. "I got mine,you get yours;if you got something, maybe we can talk." A black version of social darwinism.

[Senusret I]

Originally Posted by APhiAlien1996

When I try to network with these bruhs, it's the same old same old story. 1) Exchange numbers, call the the bruh, he never answers/and or don't call back. 2) Give 'em your resume, never hear back from them, or they give you that "my hands are tied" crap. 3) Email bruhs, never get a reply. 4) I've been stranded on the side of the road, flashers on, hood up, and another Alpha will see the tags/para. on your car and keep rolling.

First and foremost, I'm an artist. I generally don't find it useful to network with other Brothers. I tell them I write novels, they want me to write for newspapers. For anyone reading this: Journalism and fiction-writing are not the same! But I digress.

I don't exchange numbers with Brothers for any reason other than brotherhood. I met one at the grocery store about six weeks ago, and I am lightweight trying to reclaim him. Hell, I figure anyone wearing a fraternity t-shirt at 6am in the grocery store on a saturday morning is dying to be reclaimed, lol

As far as resumes go.... yeah, I went through that. It sucks when you're trying your hardest to find a job and brothers know that, but in my case, the only two in my chapter who POTENTIALLY had an inside look at one agency I was applying to failed to return calls and emails. I rarely lean on the shield at all, so it was disappointing that when I did lean, they yoinked the shield away and I fell LMAO.

Now I can say that one of the coolest examples of brotherhood was when I was waiting at the bus stop one morning, kind of late for work. And I think I was wearing an Alpha jacket.... and this car stops and is like "You're Senusret, right?" And I was like ummmmmm yeah? Well, turns out he was frat! He knew me from an email list we're on together (for Alpha artists, no less) and you know what he did? He gave me a ride to work!

All in all, I believe you get back what you put in.... if you are financial, active, hard-working for Alpha, I think you will be paid back in the ways that are appropriate.

(In fact..... the last full-time permanent job I had.... if it wasn't for an Alpha who worked there, I wouldn't have even known about it. He encouraged me to apply. BUT he stepped out of the selection process, which actually helped me out MORE.... it wasn't about him getting me hired, it was about him getting me an opportunity to be seen and impress them myself!)

[Jody]

I was diagnosed with breast cancer April 1, 2004. I pledged at Famu in 1982 with 19 other women. I live in the middle of Florida. Although my line has reunions, and have each other's emails we all have children and jobs and live all over the country, we keep up with each other but not like when we were in college.

Flash forward to my four operations, one line sister was there every time I woke up. Eight grueling chemo cycles at least two were at my home, cleaning my house, combing my children's hair and keeping me company, providing my husband with a short respite.

On the weeks that I didn't have chemo, I received frozen dinners, enough to feed a family of four for a week (and it was THE GOOD STUFF!) Sooo, these women who have lives and jobs took care of me and none of them lived in my city, the closest was 2 1/2 hours away.

I can't recall when I had to ASK a Soror to do things for me, if they could they did. It's the same thing that I do for Sorors, if I can help them, I do, and not because I expect anything it's because it was the way I was brought in.

I was a caring, socially conscious, industrious person before I pledged, joining the Sorority connected me with a group of likeminded folks (who let me raid their closets! )

It's unfortunate Greek life hasn't been what you thought, but I have to wonder, what have YOU done for Alpha. You can only give what you get, do you help folks who are behind you? Even if you feel you're on the second rung on the ladder, there's still someone who can't make it to the first. Maybe the question shouldn't be what can they do for me? Why can't it be what can I do for them?

As my Mom used to say, what goes around, comes around...