Changing your name

[Munchkin03]

Originally posted by ADPiShannan
It actually for me was sooo fun. I was so excited last year before we got married. I couldnt wait to be able to sign it mrs p or shannan p.

Did you practice signing your name beforehand?

I know my cousin's wife probably did that. But then again, she was like 17.

[WCUgirl]

When I got married, I just added my husband's name to mine. So I am now Donna middlename maidenname husband'sname. My husband expected me to take his last name, and although I'm not too fond of it (it's a pain - people can never spell it although it's very very simple! Also, I get a lot of people that chuckle when they hear it and that irritates me.), I took it out of respect for his wishes. All that paperwork was an absolute pain!

However, we got married a few months before we graduated from college, and my diplomas read, "Donna middlename maidenname." When I graduate from law school and any other graduate programs I may pursue, the diplomas will also read, "Donna middlename maidenname." My reasoning was 1-if my husband ever dies or we get divorced, and I remarry, I will have a diploma w/ another man's name on it, 2-I earned (or will earn) the diploma on my own, and 3-no matter what, this is who I will always always be.

I happen to be a Notary Public. On my seal, my name is shown as Donna middleinitial maidenname husband'sname. Generally, this is how I sign everything requiring my signature (such as credit card receipts, etc.). Sometimes I'll drop my middle name and use my maiden name's initial...but this is if I'm in a hurry or if I don't have a lot of room to write.

Sometimes I wish I had hyphenated my name, but not b/c I'm trying to assert strength, but b/c I'm very devoted to my father, and I'm extremely proud of my family's background and history. It's one of the last things I'll have to tie me to my family...and I feel it's disrespectful to just drop it or ignore it.

I get extremely irritated when people assume I'm going to go by his last name. When I got married people assumed I would drop my maiden name, or people assumed I would drop my middle name. I also don't like to be referred to as "Mrs. husband'sfirstname husband'slastname."

[ADPiShannan]

Do a lot of people use their middle names? I never use it at all. Unless they ask for it but even most of the time on applications and stuff they just ask for middle initial. I dont use it to sign things, really I dont use it at all. I dont offer it to people so they know, I dont think many of my friends even know what it is cause around here I dont see middle being used much at all. I guess it depends on who you are and maybe even where you live.

[Lady Pi Phi]

Originally posted by twhrider13
Thank you for being the voice of sanity! My pet peeve is people who don't do this once they are married! Unless you go by your original middle name, you should drop it and use your maiden name as your middle name if you intend to take your husband's last name.

[/rant]...

Why? I never go by my middle name. But I would NEVER drop it. My parents gave me that name and it's my name and as much as I hate it I would never ever change it. I could see having 2 middle names.

Anyhoo, I would never drop my middle name, but I have never really given much thought to taking my "husbands" last name. When the time comes I will give it considerable though.

But I agree with what many have said here. Do what you like. It's all a matter of personal preference.

[WCUgirl]

I agree w/ Lady Pi Phi. My parents gave me my name...and as much as I hate it I respect it.

Actually, my first name (Donna) comes from my father's name (Donald). My middle name is the same as my mother's first name. So my name is a combination of both of my parents. My whole life I've hated my middle name...and my mother and I have never had a good relationship so that didn't help. But a few years before I got married, my perspective started to change. It's my name...it's what my parents wanted me to have. Especially in cases where the child is named after the parent, or a grandparent, that's a connection that isn't easily forgotten.

In the case of a woman who's middle name is the mother's maiden name (or another family name)...what does she do? She might not want to forget her mother's family...and she might not want to forget her father's family either.

One day, I'll be using that middle initial in honor & memory of my mother's name, not just b/c it's my name.

Guys just have it so much easier - they don't have to deal w/ this crap.

[AOIIBrandi]

I just added my husband's name at the end. My DL only has my first, maiden, and his last though because there wasn't enough room and I had to make a decision. I go by Brandi HisLastName, but in writing it's all 4 names.

I have given a lot of thought to pulling a Hillary also...I know I will if I ever get published or somehow find myself famous

[lauralaylin]

Originally posted by ADPiShannan
Do a lot of people use their middle names?

I use mine all the time. My username here for instance, Laylin is my middle name. I love the name (I was named after someone), so I try to use it as much as possible. I guess that's another reason for not adding my maiden name as my middle name, I don't want it to get in the way of my middle name.

[DWAlphaGam]

I'm another one in the "changing my last name because of father issues" group. Also, my first name is long and French, and my last name is long and German, and they don't flow together at all. My boyfriend's last name is Indian, but it sounds like it could be Italian, so it goes with the French first name. Plus, I like the idea of being "the Gxxxxx's." I think it will be nice to have the same last name as someone else in my nuclear family, since I never have. (I was born out of wedlock, and have my father's last name, not my mom's maiden name. Then, my mom married and took her husband's last name, but he never adopted me [thank God, but that's a whole other story...]. So, I've always been the odd one out in the family.)

[ADPiShannan]

I do have a question to all the girls out there who hate the idea of taking their husbands last name. If you keep your own and then you and your husband have children, whos last name will they get? Wont that be a pain to go around with teachers and people unsure of what name to call you. I know I kept my real fathers name and my mom eventually got remarried so theyd always call my mom mrs h (my last name) and she corrected them. Isnt that sort of a pain in the butt and if you did get a divorce would you make your children pick which last name they wanted?

In that sense, I am a family girl. I want my children to have the same last name as me and their father. When I got married I took his last name because I felt it was like we were becoming one, together, and we were becoming our own little family, so I wanted us to have the same last names. He probably would have said he didnt care if I didnt take his, though I think secretly hed be hurt. I just feel like we are saying that we love each other and we are not going to worry about what happens if someone dies or a divorce for now we love each other and we are happy to be with each other and love each other and we want to be a family. I want my children to have that same last name so we are all a nice big happy family.

I know it may sound corny and I know everyone is very independant these days, but for me, I feel like I love my hubby so much and I want to be a part of him and I want to show the world how much we love each other by putting mr and mrs p all over the place. I have the towels, the welcome sign, the checks with our names, I have it all. I know it doesnt mean you dont love your hubby any less if you dont take his name at all! I just knew I wanted his last name as mine when he first proposed to me.

[WCUgirl]

I know, in my instance, if I hadn't taken my husband's last name, or even if I had hyphenated my last name (which, it's really not too late to do that), our children (if we have any) will have his last name. He is the last male of his family w/ his last name, so we definitely will pass his last name on to our children (I think that's another reason why I agreed to take his last name).

We have the joint checking account w/ our names, and we have stuff w/ our monogram on it. I think that we would have the joint checking account even if I didn't take his last name...we would just have different last names on the checks! I know eventually I'd like to get a set of silver w/ our monogram on it...that is of course waaaayy down the road when we can afford 12 place settings of silver silverware!

To me, it's just frustrating b/c people ASSUME you're going to take the name, or people ASSUME he's the head of the household or the one who makes all the family decisions. Taking a name is just an extension of that, I think.

As for the teachers and people not knowing how to address you, I would think they could ask, "Are you Sally's mother?" instead of "Are you Mrs. Smith?" if they were unsure or uncomfortable in how they addressed you.

I don't know, just my $0.02.

Originally posted by AXiD670
Especially in cases where the child is named after the parent, or a grandparent, that's a connection that isn't easily forgotten.

In the case of a woman who's middle name is the mother's maiden name (or another family name)...what does she do? She might not want to forget her mother's family...and she might not want to forget her father's family either.

That's my situation... I currently have two middle names.

Ginger Ann Wright G..............

Wright is my family name, of which I'm the last descendant. There is no way I would drop that for my maiden name, which I really have no ties to! And to hyphenate I would then have 5 names, the last of which (my last name and his last name) are quite long.

I talked to my parents about eliminating "Ann" becuase it doesn't really have any significance, but they were upset with the notion of me dropping it. *shrug*

I'm also kind of glad to be getting rid of my maiden name for a few reasons. First of all, while my dad and I get along great, I don't get along with his family very well (my mom and I are heathens, apparently, because we're not Catholic) and really have no interest in having their name. It's also a rather well known name in my home town, and having that name comes with a lot of assumptions, so... onto the new!

[AlphaXiGirl31]

My boyfriend's father announced at dinner a while back that a marriage will never succeed if the woman does not change her name. My parents have different last names, and I have my dad's last name, so I just giggled a little.

My questions is: is it acceptable to keep your own name (no legal change) but use his name socially (as in Mr. and Mrs. Such-and-such)?

I'm REALLY not looking forward to hearing it mispronounced constantly by 7th graders when I start teaching, so I might make the switch if and when I get married...

[winneythepooh7]

But if he had a weird last name that I didn't like-I'd keep mine probably. [/B][/QUOTE]

I agree. Also I would probably keep my last name that I have now for work (to give to clients) and have my married name for my colleagues and everyone else in my life if that makes sense?

[33girl]

I wouldn't drop my middle name because it is also my late mother's and if I ever have a daughter it will be her middle name as well.

My last name - well, ugg, I love my dad & that side of the family with all my heart but I can't wait to get rid of it for several reasons. It's not just long & German, it translates somewhat amusingly to English. I'm tired of getting it misspelled, mispronounced and snickered about. I went to college with people with very very long Italian and Polish names, but I thought they had more panache, somehow. Mine is just clunky. Plus as long as I have it, no matter how old I get, there will still be people who say "are you Mom33/Dad33's girl?" I guess at this age I should be over that but I still hate it - like I'm not me, just an appendage of them. It's different to be "so and so's wife" or "33girl the ASA" because I chose that on my own.

I'm the last one in my family, but even so, my dad would have a cow if I didn't take my hubby's name.

[polarpi]

When my aunt got married, she kept her maiden name, because as she said, I've been a Herlastname longer than I'll ever be a Hislastname. (They do not have any children).

When it comes to me having kids, my husband and I will have to sit down and discuss it rationally. Would he be willing to have the kids have a hypenated name (as mine will be), or do we give the children his last name and the middle name is my mother's maiden name? I don't mind taking on my husband's name, but as I explained earlier, I took on my mom's maiden name to carry it to another generation, so *somehow* the maiden name is going to end up in at least one of the children's names!