Black Men and White Women Is it a Problem?

[babyyblue]

Pretty and Shalom - You both have such pride in your heritage as you should. No doubt that knowing the history of your people has served to make you the strong women you both are now. I have read other things you both have posted on other threads and I can see evidence of your concern and love for others. You are both women of great worth, but some of what you have written scars that and is, quite honestly, very ugly. No one can tell you how to feel, but I would hope that in the wisdom you obtain throughout your life, you may come to find that you are better than the petty bitterness displayed in this particular thread. May you both find yourselves surrounded throughout your life by people of worth and many different backgrounds, as variety is what makes life interesting.....

As for the ability of a white woman to watch her man's back - when the situation arose, it was never a question - I had his back every time. The color of one's skin does not determine strength - physical or otherwise.

[This message has been edited by babyyblue (edited May 25, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by babyyblue (edited May 25, 2000).]

Opinions, Opinions, Opinions

Learned behaviors:
"That which is different from me is bad"
"Only those that are like me can ever understand what I'm going through"
--How often have I fought against these --

If we are to allow the walls to fall down amongst the sundry cultural differences of the citizens of the United States, must we not attempt to understand our fellow brothers and sisters, must we not attempt to reach out and comfort one another, must we not attempt find commonality were we see only physical differences? -- We have more in common then we have in differences.

Many of us come together for a cause and ideals given to us by the founders of our respective sororities and fraternities. United we stand under our beliefs - the walls fell then. One step further, we can reach out to others in the greek communities, and further to those in our community - children learn by example.

We reached the moon, but we have yet to reach out to our neighbors.

-------

Many moons ago, I saw a short. I remeber it often in discussions that have cultural/ethinic tensions:

The movie short flips between scenes of mothers preparing their daughters for the first day of school. Depicting 5 different girls (white, black, hispanic, indian, asian), each was dress in identical outfits except for the color. They even had the same style backpacks. Upon the girls being sent to school each mother instructed the child: "Now remeber, only play with other children like yourself." The girls arrive at school, look around at the playground filled with different students. Each child remebering what their mother's instructed them found the only logical solution: The last scene shows the group of girls who were dress alike - except for the color of their outfits - jumping rope and enjoying themselves.

*meow*

[prettygyrl]

Username.......are you blonde with blue eyes???? Just wondering? Look you have your world and the shit you say is typical of a white person to say. You really do not have to say nothing cause you got it all right? I am just another nigger to you soo save your energy aiight!!!! Cause what you say means nothing to me and i do not know WHY what I say bothers you I mean if you are not like what I say yall are like then why even bother to respond or get angry. FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY MAYBE!? Mgdzkm........ I would not get angry if you said you did not want a black person in your bed honey ACTUALLY I would be glad that you chose not to partake in something that i loathe so much. So say it and by all means DON'T DO IT!! Jae....... you are the funniest because I never said you specifically were flossing a white woman for this reason but if the rope fit NIGGA get hung with it you know what I am saying????? No i would not want you nor would you do me any kind of way!! I am not usually attracted to weak ass men and besides I would not be your type because my reflection is a pretty brown without a tan ya dig! Shalom I am gald you see where I am coming from alot of people agree some just won't admit you know but its cool. Especially if the White women are with men like Jae hell they can have his Uncle Tom ass!!!! Monique thanks for sticking up for me. I LOVE THE BLACK UNITY LETS KEEP TIGHT SISTERS AND BROTHERS MUCH LOVE TO ALL YALL!!!!!

[Monique]

lol... well spoken pretty gyrl.. no matter how smart we are or how much money we have or how many so called white people are *down* for us.. We Are Still Just Another Nigga.. point blank. I'm sorry if some of you are living in lala land but hey, thats just the reality of it. I really don't see why black men date white women. I mean whats she got that a sister don't got huh. Money, credit cards. What? Can a black man please tell me why they date white women cause I really won't to know. And please don't try to give me a half answer like "cause i want to" cause that ain't telling me shit.

[kaidi06]

Monique, now I've never dated a white girl, but if you ask me I think some brothers go for the white girls because they automatically associate them with wealth and affluence. Maybe they've dated Black girls all their life but once they get to a certain level in their life they feel it's time to "take a step up". The thing is I feel that many brothers only value the sisters for their bodies but the white girls for their minds. They see them as more classy, respectable, and intelligent than Black females. Why? Look at TV. Turn to MTV and BET and in ALMOST EVERY Black video you have sisters in their shaking their t!ts and a$$. 504 Boyz, Dre and Snoop's new joint, Ghostface... The list goes on and on. I mean yeah, white girls do it too, but in my opinion not to the same extent. I's gotten ridiculous. As a result I feel many brothers don't respect sisters. They don't value them. So when it's time to pick that someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life with, cats are going to pick a woman whom they deem worthy and respectable. And too bad a lot of brothers think only the white girls are.

[Jae]

Ok...I think something has been misunderstood here. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. The only time I get upset is when sisters hate a brother when he dates a white girl. If he was to only date white girls, then I could see their anger, but to hate on a guy because he has dated a white girl or two is fucked up.I would personally be pissed if I was talking to a girl and she didn't want to talk to me anymore because I had dated outside the race. Don't get me wrong, I have much love for my sisters (my current g/f is a chocolate Zeta) and they are my preference, but overall in my opinion ethnicity doesn't matter.

I think this one is gonna be long... I have a bunch of responses to comments made by different people:


shalom says:
"In the back of every white persons mind is the word nigga."
prettygyrl wrote:
"I am just another nigger to you soo save your energy aiight!!!!"
Monique wrote:
"no matter how smart we are or how much money we have or how many so called white people are *down* for us.. We Are Still Just Another Nigga.. point blank."

It would be a sad, sad day if every white person felt how you describe and if every black person felt the way you do.


Monique wrote:
"We Are Still Just Another Nigga.. point blank. I'm sorry if some of you are living in lala land but hey, thats just the reality of it."

Black or white, not everyone shares YOUR version of reality.


shalom says:
"i am sorry that racism has died in some of your minds, but it lives everyday."

Racism hasn't died in my mind. I know that it still exists. All I can tell you is that I am not a part of it and don't ever plan to be.


shalom says:
"I can't go everywhere you can go and feel safe. The Klan still runs strong and so do other nazi hate groups."

I can't go everywhere that you can go and feel safe either, go figure. The klan & those nazi hate groups make me sick. All those people seem to want to do is hate everyone who isn't like them. Do me one favor, don't judge ALL white people based on what those fools (the klan & nazi hate groups) do. More white people are against the klan & nazi groups than you realize.


shalom says:
"So my brotha whose going to watch your back, that white girl on your arm.......HEll NAW!!!"

I was watching a television talk show about a year ago - the topic was hate groups & there were klan & nazi group members on stage. One of the things I remember about that show was when members of both groups said how they hate the whites who date blacks just as much as they hate blacks. So, it seems to me like inter-racial couples would need to watch each others backs when it comes to dealing with members of these hate groups or any other people who would hate them for being together. By the way, the klan/nazi members looked like fools by the time the show was over.


prettygyrl wrote:
"Username.......are you blonde with blue eyes???? Just wondering?"

If I was, what would be your reply? That I was a racist, bigot, pig-headed fool because of it? Would you really judge or stereotype me based on my hair or eye color? To answer your question, no, I am not blonde & blue.


prettygyrl wrote:
"Look you have your world and the shit you say is typical of a white person to say."

Hmmm.... Saying that the driving force behind the civil war was the fight against slavery and that white people did die while fighting for that cause, or that people should judge other people based on their own individual actions and not on the actions of others, or that our society is much different than it used to be & continues to improve (with or without your help), or that not all white/black people are bad/good, etc. If saying all this makes me a typical white person, than I certainly hope so.


prettygyrl wrote:
"You really do not have to say nothing cause you got it all right?"

Do you think that since I am white I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth? Do you think that someone being white means they have it ALL? Just like many of my white & black friends, I had to work my way through college. I had to borrow lots of money. I spent countless hours studying to make sure I aced the more difficult courses. Sound like anyone you know?


Monique wrote:
Damnnn Jae do u have to be so cold?
prettygyrl wrote:
"Jae....... I am not usually attracted to weak ass men"... & "Especially if the White women are with men like Jae hell they can have his Uncle Tom ass!!!!"

Monique, maybe Jae is tired of so many people (both black & white) telling him & his girlfriend how much of a bad thing their relationship is. I'm sure they hear too many negative comments from both sides of the track. Monique & prettygyrl, Give the guy a break. Be glad that he can be happy. About prettygyrl saying Jae is "weak ass", considering all the issues surrounding black/white relationships and all the pressures that come with it, I think it takes two VERY STRONG people to overcome that kind of adversity.


prettygyrl wrote:
"Cause what you say means nothing to me and i do not know WHY what I say bothers you I mean if you are not like what I say yall are like then why even bother to respond or get angry. FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY MAYBE!?"

No, there's no reason for me to feel guilty about anything. There is no anger in my responses (go check if you like). Do you really want to know why I "bother to respond" to your comments? It's because maybe one day our families will be neighbors. Maybe our children will become friends. Maybe even you and I would become friends (with this conversation being anonymous, who knows, maybe we already are). Why should we have to hate each other because of the color of our skins? Why should we have to hate each other at all? I think that someone needs to show you that not all people (white/black/etc) feel the that way you think they do or should. I respond to your messages because (I) we are not ALL "like what I (prettygyrl) say yall are like."

[PositivelyAKA]

This thread is off the hook, good night!!! obviously we will not all agree but i'm glad to see that most are being real about how they feel and i hope everyone will at least listen and try to see where the other is coming from because that is the only way to make process, try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see how it might feel to walk their walk, i know its hard but its worth a try to find understanding.

And Jae it seems like you are real quick to go off on the sisters when they voice opinions that hit to close to home, no one is saying you are wrong for dating outside, i think you should date outside because its what you want to do (its a variety thing with men i've been told) and i would hate for you to marry a black woman just because society says you should that would not be true to self (and sisters you don't want a man who is with you cause he doesn't have the choice to do otherwise). Do your thang and don't take comments personally, you are probably a great guy and if it doesn't apply to you then dust it off.

Prettygirl you say what alot of people feel and think but are too afraid to admit, although it can come across harsh it is very important to be real, at least people know where you are coming from, i hate it when people smile in my face but hate me in their heart.

I have really learned a lot by reading through all the messages here. I agree when people say that it's difficult to understand without being in their shoes. Maybe we can turn this into a more positive discussion by us all answering a simple question:

Do you want the problems between white & black people to continue?

[HER_STORY]

i have been a silent monitor of this forum for a while but i had to respond to this topic.
ok.......... first of all EVERYBODY is entitled to their opinion regardless of how simple it may be. and going back and forth is not going to change the mindset. so, say your piece and roll out.

prettygirl: for whatever reason you are really bitter. but i think that you are taking your anger out on the wrong people. the people, (in my opinion)in this forum are at least trying to have an open mind about various issues. why would you come off like that especially with that lanuage. there are minors reading these message boards.

my opinion.....i think that you date who you want to date, why would i care what is going on in someone else's relationship? have i ever dated a white man? no. but that does not mean that i would never date one...who knows i can't predict the future. but right now the man i am with is all that. i'm out!!!!!!!

[1derful]

As I read through the various comments, as an African-American woman, I was very appalled at some of the ridiculous, and just down right ignorant comments that have been made in this forum. I realized that allowing myself to get "caught up," in debating this issue would be counter productive. I also realized that this thread has really gone on too long. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. You dont have to love each other or like each other but everyone should at least pay each other the respect that you would like paid to you. I realize that we do not live in a perfect world, and we all have very different opinions about this issue and others, however most of these issues(especially this one) arent about to be resolved here on this forum. By making such nasty comments to one another, you are only adding fuel to the fire. You dont actually believe that you are going to change someones mind in here, do you? For the purposes of this forum in particular, I think we should all agree to disagree.

[prettygyrl]

I agree to disagree....I am not trying to change anyones views at all trust me! I just speak my mind. I could careless whether someone agrees or not. Noone can change how I feel. And I expect to change noone! ENUFF SAID!

Wow...I can't believe the things that people are saying. For ANYONE to stereotype an entire race based on something that happened a long time ago or based on the actions of a single person is unbelievable. Everyone in the history of the world has been discriminated against at some point. It doesn't make it right, that's not what I'm saying, but we have to remember to help each other and not push others down.

Prettygirl, it really isn't fair for you to use such harsh language towards other people. Based on what you have been saying, should I hate all black people because of your racist point of wiews? NO, I would never do that because I know not to let one person influence my mind. And yes, your views are racist, no doubt about it.

I live in the South, and there is no strong Klan presence here. If there is, they keep themselves hidden and never do anything. Let's remember that the Klan hate all people, INCLUDING whites who aren't Protestant. They hate Jewish and Catholic whites as much as blacks. But let us not forget the Black Panthers, who hate whites and non-blacks. Basically, we will always find a group of people who think that they have the right to hate a targeted group of people. These people are mainly non-educated, trashy types of people.

Anyway, Prettygirl, I think you'd be surprised to know what type of person I am. You don't know me and therefore cannot judge me. I could be black, I could be white. And what if I'm Asian or Hispanic? I'm still the same person. I really hope you can put your pride aside and go into the world with a positive attitude. This type of hatred is not needed in our already turbulent nation. We need strong black women to bring up the positive aspects of the culture, not the negatives of other cultures. We also need strong white women, asian women, hispanic women, as well as men to help all cultures come together as AMERICANS.

Stop crying about slavery. Were you even alive during those times? No, and either was I-so don't hate me cause I'm white. Besides, if slavery never happened, you would have never been born here, and never would have had the life you now know. Get over it. As far as interracial marriages, I kind of agree with you. The values of most races and cultures are so different, that I don't see how people of different races have enough in common to marry. Love is one thing, compatability is another. I am attracted to certain people from all races, but I know that there is some common bond missing when I date outside of my race.

One more thing. Username is an incredible person. I admire her tact, her views, and her beliefs. Respect people like her. Just another tid bit of knowledge. I am a white guy, and in no way is my life a bowl of cherries. I work full-time while going to school as well. No one has, or is giving me anything. I've also served my country for almost four years to get help funding my education. I am earning everything I have. I feel discriminated against sometimes because I am a white male. It seems to me that scholarships are majorily for minorities, and admission policies are more in favor of filling the minority quota. I have to do twice as well to get the same chance as a minority, because I am white. Hey, I'm happy for everyone getting a chance, it's not easy for anyone-"surprise" even a white guy. But, I can't let that keep me down. I have to succeed, and if that means working twice as hard-then so be it.