Depledging (HELP!!)

[SkiingSister]

As I said of in my previous post on another thread. There are ways to get around deactivating without losing your membership. As I post this, I am probably ruining it for future members who may feel the same way.

I fully believed in my organization's ritual. However, I didn't believe in all of the women at my chapter. I found them, those that were on in "the IN crowd in the house", to be more judgmental than I, jealous, petty and pretentious. Most of my friends in the house were older than me by two years at least. They were not this way. So, by my junior year, I had a few friends in the house mostly acquaintance type. My little sister was traveling abroad for a year. Looking back, I had more friends that I realized.

Anyways, as I said, my mom got cancer, I used it to my advantage, said that I was going to half load of courses, locked my grades from anyone being able to check without my signature and the rest is history. FYI, my mom was fully aware of what I was doing and had no problem. They could not serve me the papers that KSUViolet said because they had no proof that I was taking a full load.

Sure, I lied to them. I had to do what I had to do. There were a lot of lies and bullshet told in my chapter.

The three semesters that I had left of active status, were spent living pretty happily. Granted, for a long time I was pretty angry at the house. There was still a lot of pain involved. I never returned to the house. I ran into girls on campus, no biggie. I think that only thing that was surprising to me was how many people missed me. I never left a forwarding address for my mail or phone number. People who know me well, knew how to find me. My little sis and I connected after her year of traveling. The same girls "IN Crowd" were the same ones that scared so many to leave the house and membership decline. I think the silent majority just never said anything.

Looking back, I don't regret what I had to do. I think it is sad. As much as I am responsible for my own actions, I still feel that those involved in house relations, exec, ect. never really looked at why things were going the way they were until it was too late and even then, it was only a glimpse. They were oblivious.

Today, I am somewhat active in my alumnae chapter. Girls from the house have found me on the national site. One of my old roomies contacted me. I even saw an old sister that I hadn't seen in 13 years last weekend. My friends know that I was Greek in school. No biggie. I am proud of my affiliation. I have always thought that I would prevent what happened to me, happen to anyone else. So, far, I haven't but had to but, I will fully stand up for someone should it happen again.

[AlphaFrog]

So, you're saying that just because you didn't sign the paper, it made it ok for you to lie? That's pretty shitty of you.

[SkiingSister]

Never got the paper to sign. Would I have signed it? Hmmm...maybe, probably. I really wanted to stay in the organization, just not at that chapter, not living in the house. It would have been hard for me to live out of house, financially. I got the best of both worlds. Others weren't so lucky

Judge me as you like, knock yourself out. Go ahead, seem holier-than-thou. Hey, lies happen in the house all the time. Lies happen in life. It isn't right. Mine was just one of many. Sure it was shetty. Nothing compared to what happened to me in that house. Doesn't make it any better or any worse. I can say that because I was able to leave early, I didn't have to truly deactivate and am now able to help other chapters. This wouldn't have happened if I were to deactivate.

[TSteven]

Originally Posted by SkiingSister

Never got the paper to sign. Would I have signed it? Hmmm...maybe, probably. I really wanted to stay in the organization, just not at that chapter, not living in the house. It would have been hard for me to live out of house, financially. I got the best of both worlds. Others weren't so lucky

Why not ask for early alum status?

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Why not ask for early alum status?

I wonder the same thing.

Skiing sister, your promotion of how you undermined your group's rules hurts how other people will view your sisterhood. You may not care because you got what you wanted and are able to continue to do what you want today. But it doesn't really reflect well on you or your group.

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by TSteven

Why not ask for early alum status?

Sometimes you can't GET early alum status, I don't approve of what she did, but I'd rather that someone unhappy with her college chapter remain an actual member of the sorority and active as an alumna than drop everything altogether.

[SkiingSister]

Actually, that is what I got, alum status starting my second semester of my junior year. You must be a full time student to be a in sorority at my campus. I lied, said that I was taking half load, locked my academic records so my chapter couldn't check, took a full load. You can't just ask for alum status as junior. Alum status is only granted to those taking less than full load or 5th year seniors. My chapter was hard up for money and wouldn't let anyone even go temporary sleeper status for a semester or that would have been an option.

As for how this reflects on my sisterhood, my group, etc...that is very loaded. I feel that what I did compares nothing to what I saw happen in that house and heard after I left. How about the girl who gave another a black eye at a dating party for talking trash about her? I will stop there.

I have had other friends from other groups tell similar stories of what they endured at their chapters. They didn't do what I did but they do not pass judgment on me.

You know, I see a lot about how wonderful greek life is on this board, and it is. Then someone briefly says that someone quit and that is it. I have yet to see anyone fully address why someone would want to deactivate, it's causes and prevention. A lot of time it is "oh, she didn't have the funds" or "greek life wasn't her". Well, I know a lot of people who used the funds as an excuse. What are GLOs doing to retain their members? How do we prevent the crap that happened in my house and others. I know that mine is NOT alone. We can only say "oh, our ritual is so good, it will heal it all" or my personal favorite, "let's shut the chapter down then recolonize!"

Since my college days, I have moved on to a very active life and received a few awards for my involvement in various organizations. Just last night someone said "She knows everyone." as I was hugged by several friends while art gallery hopping. Oh, and yah, a lot of those people know that I was in a house. They think highly of my house. So, no, it hasn't reflected badly on my house. If anything, my house should be glad that I did what I did instead of truly deactivating.

Originally Posted by centaur532

I never got to ask her if I made her cry or tell her that I am one of the lesser bitchy GCers on here. If only OTW could have made it on here before the thread was locked.

Please leave me out of this and do not ASSUME that I'll play the bitch card to all troublemakers that come through the front door. I choose to pick my own GC battles and that situation just simply wasn't worth it.

For the record, I did see the thread before it was locked, but I chose not to reply for my own reasons.

...back to your regularly scheduled thread.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Sometimes you can't GET early alum status, I don't approve of what she did, but I'd rather that someone unhappy with her college chapter remain an actual member of the sorority and active as an alumna than drop everything altogether.

Maybe, but not to manipulate and lie to the group to do so.

When you are part of an organization that is struggling for whatever reasons, it seems to me that you can try to fix the group from within or you can leave the group.

To lie to the group and circumvent its policies because you feel it's flawed and return to it later as if you hadn't manipulated and abandoned it for those years, well, in my mind that doesn't play that well.

Playing alum didn't make the chapter better and I suspect it didn't live up to the values of the group. Pointing out the un-sisterly behavior of other member of the chapter doesn't make Skiing sister or the group look better. As a matter of fact. . .

[SWTXBelle]

There is no doubt that all sorts of bad behavior exists in any and all groups. Lying, cheating, fist fights, gossip, hazing - all kinds of "shetty" (sic) behavior - you name it, we all know that humans are imperfect and that will be reflected in their actions.
What distinguishes a person of character is how they deal with it. Also, whether they contribute to the solution - or by their actions condone it. Leaving instead of trying to affect a change is the easy way out - but it didn't help the chapter, and in fact probably hurt it. If there were other women who felt as you did, it is possible that you could have changed things for the better from the inside. It's possible - I've done it.
You are lucky you didn't have an advisor who was more on the ball - not reporting your grades to the chapter should have resulted in a discussion with you as to why. Most organizations can find out your status - full-time student or no, so I'm amazed your GLO didn't. Maybe they just didn't want to deal with it; who knows.
I HAD to take alumna status upon my marriage the summer of my junior year - and I wanted to stay as an active. I couldn't, but did all I could to help my chapter (I served as Rush Advisor).
You may cheat the system, and brag about doing so, but don't be surprised when you are not admired for it.
And if your friends who know you were in a house know you lied and don't mind - that says more about them and their ethics then it does about the validity of your actions.

[DeltaBetaBaby]

She quite simply does not deserve the privileges of membership.

I would assume that all NPC groups have ways of handling extenuating circumstances, and at the age of 18 or 21 you should be enough of an adult to pursue those options.

Just think, this woman has the right to recommend PNM's for membership.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

Just think, this woman has the right to recommend PNM's for membership.

And, the right to offer sponsorship for AI.

-I went there.-

[Drolefille]

Originally Posted by Alphagamuga

Maybe, but not to manipulate and lie to the group to do so.

When you are part of an organization that is struggling for whatever reasons, it seems to me that you can try to fix the group from within or you can leave the group.

To lie to the group and circumvent its policies because you feel it's flawed and return to it later as if you hadn't manipulated and abandoned it for those years, well, in my mind that doesn't play that well.

Playing alum didn't make the chapter better and I suspect it didn't live up to the values of the group. Pointing out the un-sisterly behavior of other member of the chapter doesn't make Skiing sister or the group look better. As a matter of fact. . .

Hence my lack of approving of what she did. This, to me, is the difficulty in promoting both a college organization as well as an alumna one. Just because the college system is not working out doesn't mean you don't still hold to the values of the organization and want to serve it.

Lying about it is not good, but I've watched girls who wanted early alumna status for very valid reasons not be able to get it. While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

[AlphaFrog]

Originally Posted by Drolefille

Lying about it is not good, but I've watched girls who wanted early alumna status for very valid reasons not be able to get it. While I don't think it should be easy to withdraw from a collegiate chapter and remain a member of the GLO, I think there should be more freedom to do so.

You'd end up with a hell of a lot more "letter girls" this way. They'd join one semester for the priviledge of wearing letters, because it looks good on a resume, just to say they were in a sorority, etc...and then they'd opt out.

[SWTXBelle]

The interesting question which this brings up is the issue of what is necessary to take alumnae status. Maybe that needs to be addressed on a national/international level - or is it a relatively minor problem?
When I was a chapter advisor, I had to deal with girls with financial problems, and those with issues with other members. I did everything I could to enable our members to continue as actives - doesn't every GLO have policies in place to deal with situations like this? Maybe not - and that may be the problem.
I like the fact that if you deactivate from Gamma Phi there is an appeal process if you decide you wish to reaffiliate. You can't do it for a number of years, and it isn't a certainty, but I know that it is possible to make a choice at the age of 19 - 21 that you might wish to do differently when you are older.