Wedding gifts

[DWAlphaGam]

I'm going to be in the wedding of my friend since sixth grade next year, and I am definitely still going to get a gift - I would never dream of not getting them something! However, I am probably going to crochet them a blanket instead of buying a gift; it's relatively inexpensive but it will mean a lot more to them.

[Lady Pi Phi]

I think it's okay to ask the bride and groom if there is anything in particular that they need.
I asked my friend (and she has been a close friend for 13 years now) what she needed and she told me nothing. I'd have to say she's right though. Her and her husband already have a house and household items that one might buy as a wedding gift. They have lived together for almost 2 years now and over that time they have received the things they need. They have received gifts as christmas presents, birthday presents, or they have purchased the items themselevs. I'm not going to buy something they already have. Therefore I don't see the harm in asking if there is anything they need. I've decided that $100 dollars cash is a good gift (I'd probably give more if I could afford it but I can't).

[GMUBunny]

Mr. Bunny and I are hoping to get the essentials more than anything else. Yeah, that quesadilla maker may be pretty cool, but we need sheets, towels, and something to iron with. I know that my dad and his gf are going out of their way to make sure that we have the dishes, pots & pans, and bedding accessories that we need. My mom, on the other hand, is hoping we get the crystal and china on the registry. I really don't plan on serving Christmas dinner for a bunch of people for a few more years, so that can wait. Our pattern is a classic. Hopefully it won't be discontinued anytime soon!

btw: we're registered at hecht's and target if anyone's feeling generous enough to actually purchase that quesadilla maker....

[UofISigKap]

Originally Posted by GMUBunny

Mr. Bunny and I are hoping to get the essentials more than anything else. Yeah, that quesadilla maker may be pretty cool, but we need sheets, towels, and something to iron with.

Looking through the pages and pages of registry items for the bazillion weddings I have this year, I had no idea what to buy. So, the above quote may have answered my question - basic items are best.

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by UofISigKap

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

For the weddings I'm in, the brides seem to really be hoping to get some of their china or crystal items.

[Buttonz]

As a boke college student, I can't spend much.

For wedding #1 I went to this summer, I gave them $36 (I couldn't afford more and wasn't planning on going, in the Jewish religion,multiples of $18 are always good). I'm friendly with both of them but not super close.

Had a sister get married and I (along with most of my sisters) couldn't go because I couldn't afford to go to Israel. I spent $50 on the gift, mainly a few of the smaller items from her registry, and about $30 on a shower gift.

For my sister' wedding, she got a ton of stuff off of her registry from my mom and grandmother's friends and cash from almost everyone else. Although my grandmother's friends some of them gave some really nice checks (up to $5,000!). My 4 friends that were invited, two went in together for a gift from the registry for about $75, 1 gave $36 and one gave nothing, using the excuse that there were to many weddings he had to attend that summer. No reason why he couldn't give $36 at all, seeing as how he spends more then that on a night out!

[ForeverRoses]

Originally Posted by UofISigKap

So now I have another question: Out of those items, what would people say is the number one item they want? Is it the towels, kitchen items?? (I don't want to go the gift card route since I like to buy presents. )

If you know the bride well, or if you have a friend that is REALLY good friends with the bride, have them ask the bride. The bride might have preferences that they are willing to share. For example my sister registered for a bunch of stuff, but she REALLY wanted a certain set of dishes- so I made sure to buy her a couple of place settings of that (they were her mid-range dishes, not china, but not really casual either).

If you don't want to ask, then if they are just starting out, they probably need the basic stuff If they have been on their own for a while they might have the basics and really want that egg poacher!

[ComradesTrue]

Bumping this thread because a wedding invitation arrived yesterday that perplexed me.

On the invitation (which was very, very elaborate and expensive) was the phrase "No boxed gifts please."

What does that mean? Is it a slick way of only asking for cash? Or, would they prefer that I take the blender out of the box and put a bow on it for display???

I know in some parts of the country that cash is the typical (dare I say expected?) gift, but that is not the case where this wedding is. The couple are from, and getting married in, my homestate, where probably 90%+ of gifts come from a registry. The very few people who give cash are usually friends of the parents. I have never given cash, as I suppose in the same way some people are uncomfortable with registries, I am uncomfortable with cash.

Also, FWIW, let's just say that this couple is not strapped for money. At all. They are in their 30s and have very successful careers. This makes me even more uncomfortable with giving cash as a gift.

Since I will be 36 weeks pregnant at the time of the wedding, I am not able to attend as I won't be allowed to fly. My husband has not decided if he will attend. The bride is a friend of his (former classmate), but he feels bad for leaving me so pregnant with a toddler running around as well.

Anyone else ever heard of "no boxed gifts?"

Thoughts? Interpretations? Suggestions?

[FirstAndFinest]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Bumping this thread because a wedding invitation arrived yesterday that perplexed me.

On the invitation (which was very, very elaborate and expensive) was the phrase "No boxed gifts please."

What does that mean? Is it a slick way of only asking for cash?

It appears that yes, that is the way of asking for cash-only gifts. How incredibly tacky to put that on (or in) the invitation!!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...0boxed%20gifts
Seen on wedding invitations, the couple are frankly demanding cash gifts. It is considered bad etiquette and a faux pas by most people, since it is rude to mention gifts in wedding invitations at all.

[AOII_LB93]

Originally Posted by Blondie93

Bumping this thread because a wedding invitation arrived yesterday that perplexed me.

On the invitation (which was very, very elaborate and expensive) was the phrase "No boxed gifts please."

What does that mean? Is it a slick way of only asking for cash?

That means the couple is super tacky and has no class. Asking for any sort of gift is a big no-no. Perhaps a book on etiquette or manners would be appropriate. In your case however, I would recommend a lovely card that says "Congratulations, sorry we can't make the wedding" ... and your husband should feel bad about leaving you prego with a toddler. I'd kill mine if he did that.

ETA: Even the husband said that asking for cash is super classless....and he wouldn't suggest that your husband leave unless he wants to hear about it forever.

[cash78mere]

weddings in new york easily cost $100-125 per person. and that's on the moderate side.

for the shower i give a 50-75 dollar gift from the registry. for the wedding i give 100 dollars or 150-200 if i'm taking a guest. more for my closest friends though. if i'm not buying from the registry, i refuse to make up a "charming and delightful" gift that is probably neither charming or delightful for the couple. it's like getting 4 baskets of bath and body works crap at christmas. you don't want any of them and the baskets themselves are a waste and you're stuck with the smelly junk for the next 10 years. don't make your own present. use the registry or give a check

for whoever said to just give a card and then send a present a year later...tacky. you can't go to a wedding and not give anything. talk about cheap.

and bridesmaids absolutely still have to give a gift. even if it's small.

[Anvil_Lopper]

Originally posted by GMUBunny
Mr. Bunny and I are hoping to get the essentials more than anything else. Yeah, that quesadilla maker may be pretty cool, but we need sheets, towels, and something to iron with. I know that my dad and his gf are going out of their way to make sure that we have the dishes, pots & pans, and bedding accessories that we need. My mom, on the other hand, is hoping we get the crystal and china on the registry. I really don't plan on serving Christmas dinner for a bunch of people for a few more years, so that can wait. Our pattern is a classic. Hopefully it won't be discontinued anytime soon!

btw: we're registered at hecht's and target if anyone's feeling generous enough to actually purchase that quesadilla maker....

F*^& the quesadilla maker....give an ANVIL LOPPER!!!!

[bluefish81]

How much I spend on a wedding gift really depends for me. I try to look at all the factors - ie., shower, bacholorette party, actual wedding, how well I know the couple. All the weddings that I've gone to for my sorority sisters in the past few years - we're all pretty recent graduates so getting married just seems to be in the water (unless you're me and single), so life is starting to get pretty pricy.
Most of my friends have all been registered somewhere - Target, younkers, Crate & Barrel, Bed, Bath & Beyond, marshalls - so I generally go off the lists just because I figure it's stuff that they want and need. One of my good friends is very adamently against the lists, she gets most of the couples a nicely engraved 8 X 10 silver picture frame or a vase. I generally spend low end $25 all the way up to around $75. And by that I mean per gift - so if I go to the shower and the wedding I spend at least $25 per gift. I've only ever brought a guest to one of the weddings and I factored in for that when I purchased that respective gift.

[Lil' Hannah]

Originally posted by James
I like to exceed the cost of my dinner . . . .

I've also been told that you should try to spend as much on a gift as you think the couple is spending on you for dinner, etc.

[jess_pom]

Originally posted by juniorgrrl
Why is that? IMO, being a bridesmaid shouldn't absolve someone from buying a present, simply because they spent money on a dress, travel, etc. Even if its a smaller gift because of the other expenses incurred, I think its gracious to give something to the couple as a gesture of good wishes.

When I was in a wedding last year, I spent about $200 on the dress and shoes. I gave her a $25 gift card as a shower gift, bought drinks for the shower and my FI and I bought her a place setting of china as a wedding gift.

Down here, cash is a big no-no. In general, I'll spend about $50 on a gift, more if I'm close to the person. The average wedding in NOLA probably runs about 35pp, so I feel like a $50 gift is fair.

I'm in my best friend from college's wedding in September. I was so honored to be asked at first but now it's becoming a hassle. She expected us to have the shower (in July) planned by Christmas... wasn't happening.

Last night I got a call from her MOH asking me for a check for $200 to cover the shower and the LIMO?!?! I never agreed to pay for the limo, the MOH was going to get it (she works at a funeral parlor and was going to get it from there, but something about that's illegal or something, so she told the bride she would take care of it and pay for it herself) and this completely caught me off guard.

What should I do? I spent close to $200 on the dress, shoes, alterations, etc. Plus I live 200+ miles away and have to drive there for the shower and wedding and take a couple of days off work. I don't want to complain to the bride, she has a very short temper and will tell me off, plus I don't want her to stress over something kinda petty, but I don't think this is right.

So for the gift, is it ok to give something small? Or will that offend the bride?