Staying Over at my Boyfriend's Fraternity House - Page 3

CaitieQT · #31 12-04-2003, 07:41 PM

I have read each and every one of your responses and, again, thank you. I don't know really why I feel like this is such a big step for me. I guess I have another 3 1/2 years here and I know that once a girl has a reputation it is hard to shake.

Can I ask two more specific questions?

1] I think I read in some of the rush questions here that if someone decides to try and join a sorority, they need to be careful about how they act because you never know whose watching. Even though most of the sorority women who answered my question were supportive of me staying in the house, is there a chance that if I decide to go through recruitment next year it will be held against me?

2] The concensus of the guys seems to be that it's okay as long as it's a girlfriend and not just a one night stand. That's what my boyfriend says too. I'd really love to hear from more guys their opinion on that please?

I really do WANT to stay at his house with him. I just want to make sure what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do are one and the same.

Thanks again! You are awsome!
Caitie

Tom Earp · #32 12-04-2003, 07:55 PM

Still not sure, Then Dont! Period!

Love (HA) is stupid or is it lust?

Hey I really like you let us get it on! I will respect you in the Morning!

GeekyPenguin · #33 12-04-2003, 07:59 PM

Caitie, it really depends on your school. At my school if you had been dating a brother and shacked a lot, it wouldn't be an issue, but our rush isn't very competitive at all. Do you go to Kent State? I would make ask a friend or two in a house there what the general perception is. I think that most schools in the Midwest tend to be more lenient about these things.

And a PSA to the general GC audience: You can share a bed with a guy and not have sex.

shultzz · #34 12-04-2003, 09:05 PM

You should stay at my house.

sigtau305 · #35 12-04-2003, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by FSUZeta
can any fraternity brothers give us the male perspective on this topic?

Most of the Brothers here have Girlfriends that stay over from time to time so that's pretty nomal here.

kddani · #36 12-04-2003, 10:04 PM

You seem to be very concerned about this all.

If YOU don't think it's right, if it doesn't feel right to you, don't do it. Us GCers can't tell you what personal choices you should make. I don't know how "experienced" you are, etc. - it seems like maybe you're not comfortable with the idea. I could be way offbase, but it's my impression, because if you were comfortable with it, you'd just go ahead and do it. Just do whatever you're comfortable with

SparkliiQTMTSU · #37 12-05-2003, 01:19 AM

I agree with the others on here. If it something you really do want to do then just go for it. Im sure people wont talk since he is your boyfriend and not just a random hookup. but be sure youre ready to do it. or you could try it and if you were uncomfortable then wait awhile to do it again. Just do whatever your heart tells you to do

texas*princess · #38 12-05-2003, 02:40 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by jharb
I'm curious if this applies to fraternity houses that are at different schools too. Just about every Saturday night (or another night each weekend) I go to my boyfriend's school an hour away and I find that it is much safer if I have been drinking or depending on how late it is to stay at his house. I think your standards board would agree that they would rather have girls shacking than having DUIs! I'm also curious if this also applies to boyfriends or just random shacking!

Our policy doesn't really say anything about different schools, so I guess that could be a loophole! And I completely agree that staying there would be much safer than DUIs... not only for our sisters, but everyone else on the road too

And as far as I know, our policy also applies to boyfriends

thetalady · #39 12-05-2003, 03:31 AM

Caitie-

I am an alum many years out of school, so my thoughts may be totally dated. I do remember a few things about being in college though ;-)

Yes... there is the possibility that sleeping overnight in a fraternity house could hurt your reputation. And your reputation will certainly be considered if/when you decide to participate in rush.

You have been dating your boyfriend what, 6 weeks? You just haven't had time to get to really know him very well yet. Yes, I know you think that you do!! Humor me for a minute....

Let's consider a couple of scenarios. Maybe he is "The One" and you marry & live happily ever after. What are the chances?? Kinda hard to tell at this point.

Scenario Two... he turns out not to be Prince Charming and you have an ugly break up in another month or so. At that point, he may decide that this was never the relationship that he thought it was. Maybe he starts joking around with his buddies and starts saying not very nice things about you. He jokes that he was just looking for a lovely piece of whatever to occupy his bed. We all know that it happens :-(

All of a sudden, your nights at the frat house are not portrayed as the relationship it was at the time. Now you become his "hookup of the week". The truth will be long forgotten.

Now you become nothing more than an easy, cheapie girl who "sure can be a lot of fun", he says with a wink. And that's the reputation that is remembered, the one that you take into Rush with you. Sure, some of the girls might know the truth. A lot of them won't.

Sigh. Life is so complicated.

sugar and spice · #40 12-05-2003, 04:30 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
Shacking was very much the norm at my school, both in fraternity and sorority houses. We had views of quite a few fraternities from our house, and we'd laugh at the obvious walk-of-shame girls, but never the girlfriends. I mean, really, what's so wrong about it?

Ditto -- here shacking is completely normal, and nobody would worry about it at all. In fact, if you have a serious or semi-serious boyfriend, people would be surprised if you didn't at least spend the occasional night over at his place.

As for hurting you in rush, depending on the school it could hurt you or it could actually help you. At some schools, it could hurt your reputation. At a school like mine, where shacking is no big thing, it might even help you -- if you hang out for breakfast you get to know sorority women who have spent the night there with their boyfriends. Of course, if you're worried about it you should err on the side of caution.

amazinglagirl · #41 12-05-2003, 07:29 AM

I am SO surprised at this thread...that there are basically like two people who have said anything remotely close to telling this girl NOT to do it...and that's IT?!?!?

She has dated this guy for six WEEKS, people!! Not six months...not six years!! This is not a relationship!!...I've had "accquaintences" I've known MUCH longer!

And what happened to moral decency? I mean, there are tons of people posting "oh, well if it's a random 'hookup' then people will talk, but this is 2003..." screw that!!! Why is it NOT okay if it's a random hookup but it IS if you've gone out with the guy more than twice?!? This is SO messed up!

Plus, this girl is a FRESHMAN!! HELLO????? I can't really be the only girl out there who believes that you should at least try to preserve some shred of decency about your sexual behavior. It is PRIVATE and everyone on here is like oh, it's no big deal...and it may be...but if that attitude persists, then random hookups will soon be no big deal either....and NONE of this is private if it takes place in a frat house.

So, while we're all voting,....I vote NO!...(and for the record, I vote no in this situation even if he lived alone...) but maybe that is just because I am living in the "dream world" of thinking that sex should be something that you and your partner in marriage share together.

By the way, if you are not yet in a sorority, and you plan to rush in the south, do not even THINK about doing this...you will be doomed to be dropped from all the good ones who still regard appropriate social ettiquette and good reputation as one of the cornerstones of membership in good standing.

GeekyPenguin · #42 12-05-2003, 07:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by amazinglagirl
I am SO surprised at this thread...that there are basically like two people who have said anything remotely close to telling this girl NOT to do it...and that's IT?!?!?

She has dated this guy for six WEEKS, people!! Not six months...not six years!! This is not a relationship!!...I've had "accquaintences" I've known MUCH longer!

And what happened to moral decency? I mean, there are tons of people posting "oh, well if it's a random 'hookup' then people will talk, but this is 2003..." screw that!!! Why is it NOT okay if it's a random hookup but it IS if you've gone out with the guy more than twice?!? This is SO messed up!

Plus, this girl is a FRESHMAN!! HELLO????? I can't really be the only girl out there who believes that you should at least try to preserve some shred of decency about your sexual behavior. It is PRIVATE and everyone on here is like oh, it's no big deal...and it may be...but if that attitude persists, then random hookups will soon be no big deal either....and NONE of this is private if it takes place in a frat house.

So, while we're all voting,....I vote NO!...(and for the record, I vote no in this situation even if he lived alone...) but maybe that is just because I am living in the "dream world" of thinking that sex should be something that you and your partner in marriage share together.

By the way, if you are not yet in a sorority, and you plan to rush in the south, do not even THINK about doing this...you will be doomed to be dropped from all the good ones who still regard appropriate social ettiquette and good reputation as one of the cornerstones of membership in good standing.

Um, wow. Did you know that (a) you can stay overnight at a guy's house and not have anything physical happen and (b) she wasn't asking what she should do in bed, she was asking what the reaction from his brothers would be?

Excuse me for thinking it's totally okay to sleep in the same bed with a guy before I get an engagement ring. I have sisters on this board who are virgins who have spent the night at a fraternity house. You can stay there for completely innocent reasons, like bad weather or being too drunk to drive. Oh wait, that means I was being a bad sorority girl and drinking?

Good thing that according to certain people, I'm not in a "good" southern sorority. I'm GLAD if that's how you behave. Guess what? Every single sorority ever has a sister up North who has shacked. We're heathens like that, apparently.

sugar and spice · #43 12-05-2003, 07:39 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by amazinglagirl
I am SO surprised at this thread...that there are basically like two people who have said anything remotely close to telling this girl NOT to do it...and that's IT?!?!?

She has dated this guy for six WEEKS, people!! Not six months...not six years!! This is not a relationship!!...I've had "accquaintences" I've known MUCH longer!

And what happened to moral decency? I mean, there are tons of people posting "oh, well if it's a random 'hookup' then people will talk, but this is 2003..." screw that!!! Why is it NOT okay if it's a random hookup but it IS if you've gone out with the guy more than twice?!? This is SO messed up!

Plus, this girl is a FRESHMAN!! HELLO????? I can't really be the only girl out there who believes that you should at least try to preserve some shred of decency about your sexual behavior. It is PRIVATE and everyone on here is like oh, it's no big deal...and it may be...but if that attitude persists, then random hookups will soon be no big deal either....and NONE of this is private if it takes place in a frat house.

So, while we're all voting,....I vote NO!...(and for the record, I vote no in this situation even if he lived alone...) but maybe that is just because I am living in the "dream world" of thinking that sex should be something that you and your partner in marriage share together.

By the way, if you are not yet in a sorority, and you plan to rush in the south, do not even THINK about doing this...you will be doomed to be dropped from all the good ones who still regard appropriate social ettiquette and good reputation as one of the cornerstones of membership in good standing.

Umm, hi, whose sex life is this again? Not yours? Okay, now that we've got that covered . . .

Not to mention the fact that I know of a number of girls who shacked at big rush, Southern schools and still got bids. And plenty who shack after they get bids -- without a word from their standards boards. Like it or not, things are changing fast. Even in the South.

amazinglagirl · #44 12-05-2003, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by GeekyPenguin
Caitie, it really depends on your school.

And a PSA to the general GC audience: You can share a bed with a guy and not have sex.

#1-It does NOT depend on your school...it depends on your moral character and whose opinion matters to you. If you really don't care what anyone thinks, then what the hell...why not?...but since you actually do seem concerned about what other people think, then I would not do it.
If we all went around just doing whatever feels good not worrying about the consequences and other people's judgments of our actions then what the hell is that?!?.... And what is the deal with people not being allowed to "judge" you on your choices??? Since when is THAT a rule?!!? I know Catie mentioned she appreciates not being judged here about considering this,...but I am making the argument that you this is how we are defined...by our actions! And those who are okay with it are OF COURSE going to tell you to go for it, pulling you into the "black hole" of "anything goes and screw you if you have an opinion based on my actions"...But the ones who think it shows promiscuous character are going to define poor Catie by it...and NO ONE is telling her this

#2-And as for sharing a bed with a guy and not having sex...cough..cough..okay, sure, it's been done....LOTS...but that's not what is going to be talked about, is it??? Also, something is odd about making the decision to sleep in a guy's bed and still feel the need to run around telling people "oh, but we didn't have sex"...don't you ask yourself WHY it is important for you to make that distinction? Is one less slutty than the other?? And if it isn't, then why do you care??? I thought we didn't care what other people thought....hmmmmmm

Sorry if I come off hostile....I'm just really passionate that somebody ought to give Catie some WISE advice instead of platitudes and dismissive permission to whore herself (or at least her reputation) out to this guy and the mind's of the guys in his collective fraternity! This is something she could potentially regret for years to come, and it's like BAD ADVICE DAY on Greek chat or something...

CATIE BE STRONG...if you decide to sleep with this guy, at least don't do it in the FRAT house!!!

amazinglagirl · #45 12-05-2003, 07:57 AM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sugar and spice
[B]Umm, hi, whose sex life is this again? Not yours? Okay, now that we've got that covered . . .

LOL...funny that the opinions telling her to "go for it" are totally supported,...but I state my opinion and it's "not my sex life"....

If she didn't care what people thought of her staying the night at a frat house, she wouldn't have posted her personal business on greekchat. Not everyone's opinion will be the same...just trying to throw in a different point of view from a girl who is still in college at a large southern school where this would NEVER be okay.

(Shacking at guys' apartments is one of those things that is ignored and overlooked,...but at my school...shacking at a frat house is a huge reputation issue for PNM and a standard's issue for members.)