Always a PNM, never a sister. - Page 3

AZTheta · #31 07-15-2012, 09:32 AM

Now that (IMO)mostly all of the dots are presented, my thought is this: for an active to (a) write a negative letter against a PNM's membership and (b) stand firm two years later, something unconscionably egregious must have transpired in the active's relationship with the OP.

None of us will discuss membership selection here. That said, I believe that this is a membership selection matter, and that ends it for me.

OP: it does appear clearly that your sorority ship has sailed. I wish you all the best in the future.

33girl · #32 07-15-2012, 11:30 AM

I've never heard of ONE letter from ONE woman in ONE sorority scuttling a person's sorority chances for the whole campus, unless it has a police report or videotape attached to it.

I mean, if we met a girl coming through rush and heard through the grapevine "Debby DZ is going to drop out of DZ if this girl gets a bid" our response would be "Who effing cares?" For that matter, depending on how well liked or not Debby was, some groups would pledge the rushee just to get Debby's goat.

There are five other sororities, including a legacy which you apparently tossed to the side. You unwisely set your sights on one and refused to keep an open mind. THIS is why you didn't receive a bid. THIS is why you aren't Greek. I'm sorry your roommate was such a bitch, but there's also the possibility that this was the only way to make you see that even though YOU thought DZ was right for you, it really WASN'T.

Titchou · #33 07-15-2012, 11:45 AM

This is what I don't understand. If she went to all this effort to find out what happened, who wrote the letter, who all read it, getting it "verified," why did she never go ask/talk with/confront the writer? I'd have called the woman up and said "we need to talk." And I would find out what action of mine failed to live up to the standards of Greek Life. And since she didn't do that, it makes me think she knew what it was and it was valid.

AOII Angel · #34 07-15-2012, 11:52 AM

I doubt that the letter is why she's not in a group. It may be a convenient way to cover something else that the Panhel President found out and did not want to discuss with her. What group would give private MS information (ie. the letter) to the Panhel Pres just because she was snooping around for information to why they did not give a PNM a bid. I agree with 33girl that the letter would still not effect her chances with the other groups. That's not how it works. OP, they should have never told you any of this because it is more hateful than not knowing at all. when people make up lies to try to spare others feelings, it often makes things worse. The answer should have been, "I'm sorry things didn't work out for you, but I cannot discuss the specifics." honestly, she can't because even as Panhell President, she doesn't know the specifics of why you were released from any group other than HERS. #1- I can guarantee that except for DZ it isn't true. #2- unfortunately- relationship dynamics play a part in membership selection at some chapters. When you room with an upper classman and things don't go so well (even if you think they do) it can spell disaster for your recruitment. #3- move on. Enjoy the rest of your college experience.

SoCalGirl · #35 07-15-2012, 05:31 PM

To the OP: Were you aware of any issues with the suitemate before you were told about the letter?

DeltaBetaBaby · #36 07-15-2012, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

This was confirmed.

By whom? Who told you that there was a letter written that went to some unidentified Overlord of all things Greek?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

This information is technically confidential. I was only able to receive confirmation because I had heard about it from someone else elsewhere.

Again, who confirmed what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

The PanPres talked to the Pres of DZ. The DZPres talked to my former roommate asking if she felt any differently and if they could extend me a bid (other DZ sisters were also telling the DZPres I should join) My former roommate said no, her feelings about me remained the same. I was told this by a DZ sister and mutual friend of mine who observed the conversation and it was later confirmed by members of the panhellenic council. Both Presidents looked into overriding it, but were apparently told it was "above their heads" and it was just "politics" and they are very very sorry.

The Panhellenic President has no say in membership decisions (unless of course, she is also a DZ, which I'm not clear on from your earlier post). It is indeed possible that one person can prevent you from getting a bid to her chapter. What is so confusing to the rest of us is why that would have affected your chances at other chapters.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoccerSweetie22

I only know what I have been told by mutual friends and Greek "employees" at my school (not sure what to call it. Council members perhaps) who have CONFIRMED what I'm saying. These are not rumors, they are facts.

If you don't know who they are, neither do we. Panhellenic officers? Someone in the Greek Life office?

SydneyK · #37 07-15-2012, 07:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DeltaBetaBaby

What is so confusing to the rest of us is why that would have affected your chances at other chapters.

My guess is that whatever was in that letter was really bad. OP hasn't said what's in the letter, and I can't help but think she hasn't shared that information because it's true and she's terribly embarrassed by it. Once the contents of the letter were shared between other sororities, they agreed that the OP isn't up to snuff. I agree with whoever here said that the letter was probably accompanied by video, or police record, or something that supports the claims made against the OP.

I'm oblivious to the inner workings of Student Life, so this may be a stupid question. But let's say the person who received the letter was the Dean of Students, and the offense the OP committed was something that violated the school's code of conduct. Could the Dean prohibit her from being eligible to participate in recruitment? (Which doesn't seem to be the case at all, since she did participate in recruitment, but it's one of the only ways I can imagine a "higher up" official having input into membership selection across several chapters.)

33girl · #38 07-15-2012, 11:17 PM

^^^^Yes, but to believe and act on the word of ONE collegiate sorority member? Unless the member in question is the most trusted human on earth since Walter Cronkite, or unless her family bankrolls the entire University, I just can't see it happening.

If it was a Code of Conduct violation, she would have been released from rush by Panhellenic or more likely the Student Affairs director directly, and they would have HAD to notify her why she was being released (due process) She certainly wouldn't have been permitted to go through a second time if it was something that egregious.

ellebud · #39 07-15-2012, 11:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

I've never heard of ONE letter from ONE woman in ONE sorority scuttling a person's sorority chances for the whole campus, unless it has a police report or videotape attached to it.

I mean, if we met a girl coming through rush and heard through the grapevine "Debby DZ is going to drop out of DZ if this girl gets a bid" our response would be "Who effing cares?" For that matter, depending on how well liked or not Debby was, some groups would pledge the rushee just to get Debby's goat.

There are five other sororities, including a legacy which you apparently tossed to the side. You unwisely set your sights on one and refused to keep an open mind. THIS is why you didn't receive a bid. THIS is why you aren't Greek. I'm sorry your roommate was such a bitch, but there's also the possibility that this was the only way to make you see that even though YOU thought DZ was right for you, it really WASN'T.

Sorry, I have heard (and know) two women who went out of their way to make sure someone didn't get a bid. They were quite proud of their accomplishment(s).

No, the venom was not to one girl. Nor were the two women friends (they didn't know each other). Nor was it for the same house and/or the same year. When there is a chance for ugly behavior it will happen.

33girl · #40 07-15-2012, 11:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

Sorry, I have heard (and know) two women who went out of their way to make sure someone didn't get a bid. They were quite proud of their accomplishment(s).

So, what did they do? Did they do this all on their own or enlist members of their sororities? Did they create fake documentation? Was this at a small or large Greek system? Were all the chapters constantly up in each others' business? How big were the chapters? Was the Greek life office involved? Was anyone reprimanded by the school?

Sorry but "oh yeah this is true because I heard it happen" falls flat if you don't have the particulars to back it up.

ellebud · #41 07-15-2012, 11:41 PM

I am a friend of the mother of one of the girls who did this at a large greek system on the other side of the United States. There was bad blood between the daughter and this girl from high school. Despite her mother's asking to let it go the daughter read her letter to us. It was sent to all the houses, including her own. Daughter wanted it all "on the record". (And yes, we leave the west coast...occasionally).

The other occasion was for a local SoCal university and the author was a friend of one of my daughter's. The letter was read at chapter during pre rush. It was brutal.

Not a "I heard from great Aunt Sallie's best friend Agnes' third cousin."

Old_Row · #42 07-15-2012, 11:58 PM

Who writes letters anymore?

33girl · #43 07-16-2012, 12:07 AM

Unless you were at membership selection for those chapters....you really don't know why the women were cut.

PERIOD.

Oh, and it appears that your friend isn't a very good mother if she raised a daughter that would waste her time doing something so malicious.

Not to mention you might want to take a second look at your own daughter's friends.

ellebud · #44 07-16-2012, 12:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless you were at membership selection for those chapters....you really don't know why the women were cut.

PERIOD.

Oh, and it appears that your friend isn't a very good mother if she raised a daughter that would waste her time doing something so malicious.

Not to mention you might want to take a second look at your own daughter's friends.

So...you demand to know how I know something....you don't like the answer because nastiness never happens in the world of teenagers or young women. (Let us return to the nastiness of Wary's daughter's recruitment...I went back to check on her name) so you respond with a nasty retort about my friends and my parenting.

I believe that regarding the former you might dissuade yourself that all the women involve in sororities are nice and Panhellenic. Regarding the latter, you owe me an apology.

DeltaBetaBaby · #45 07-16-2012, 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellebud

I am a friend of the mother of one of the girls who did this at a large greek system on the other side of the United States. There was bad blood between the daughter and this girl from high school. Despite her mother's asking to let it go the daughter read her letter to us. It was sent to all the houses, including her own. Daughter wanted it all "on the record". (And yes, we leave the west coast...occasionally).

This is insane. If we ever got a letter from someone who wasn't in our own chapter, accusing a PNM of bad behavior, true or not, I would think the letter-writer was a few sandwiches short of a picnic.