2nd hand Recruitment Story at U of Arkansas

[carnation]

So many great memories of that place from childhood on...pep rallies, studying outside in the fall, taking a campus hike and stopping off there...

[Katmandu]

MOMofPNM11, my son went through recruitment three years ago, and my God Daughter at a highly competitive SEC school just last year. I was a tad nervous for his and a wreck for hers, so I understand how hard it is to sit on the sidelines. Her mom and I agonized over it! She ended up with a great home, and my fingers are crossed for Lindsey as well. Hang in there. Pino G is a good friend.... Glad you are going to Bid Day. You won't regret being there either way.

[tigerfanx5]

I went to bid day at Auburn, and was very glad I did! My daughter needed that time after Pref to chill out, and talk openly about the process. It's so much easier to talk in person than over skype or the phone. Also, once I got there and saw her, I knew that she was okay, no matter what happened on bid day! (I needed that too!)

I didn't feel in the way at Auburn at all. There were lots of people (parents, grandparents, boyfriends, etc waiting for the bids to be opened.) There was a nice reception at her house as well. I didn't stay long! Just long enough to visit a bit.

So, yes, I'd say go for it!

[im5am]

Hang in there MomofPNM11!! I was in your shoes last year You sound like a caring, loving mom who just wants her daughter to be happy, we get it! My daughter too was out of state and had no idea about any of the 17 houses she went through. Since she was from out of state, she also knew Nobody in any of the houses. In the end, she pledged a house, became an active and now can't imagine her life without her sisters in it! Whichever house your daughter ends up in, she will find her niche of friends and will form a bond like no other. But, I totally understand her feelings right now, as well as yours. And no, she isn't being a spoiled brat etc., her feelings are very real and rejection is hard to take from anybody especially at the tender age of 18! Stay strong for her, and yourself. I think the idea of being there for Bid day is a great idea. My husband and I were there for our daughter, as were many parents. It's an exciting time! And, as a mother, it will be special for you to be there for her no matter what the outcome! P.S. Agree with the glass of vodka! Or in my case it was a nightly glass of cold chardonnay!! Good luck, keep us posted

[Benzgirl]

When I went through rush back in the stone ages, I had two favorites after Round 2 and I was so nervous for similar reasons. One did cut me but the other became my home.

[wavycutchip]

MomofPNM11 - You know that I am pulling for you and "Lindsey." Hang in there with parties today and the week long wait! I am so glad that I didn't have to go through that!

I agree that the rejection aspect of recruitment is one of the hardest things to deal with as a PNM (and I am sure as a parent as well - thank goodness my legacy is young and I have a little time to work on that). For most of these young ladies, it could be the first time that they didn't achieve something that they really wanted. It also is hard if you are comparing yourself to those around you, like your gamma chi group or friends that you have made at college. If they seem to get all their favorites inviting them back each round, girls do feel the "what did I do wrong" or "what did XYZ not see in me." Understanding a little about RFM helps the head, but not always the heart. The only advice I can really say is be confident in yourself, bloom where you are planted, and be the change you want to see in your group. Take it from me, the faster you can get over being rejected in any aspect of life (sorority, job, etc); the faster you get to exactly where you are supposed to be in life. Looking forward to hearing more!

[DubaiSis]

Virtually all of us have been through to some extent or another just what your daughter is going through. It is exactly normal. Once she's been to the other side she will see that to a freakishly large extent, it isn't personal. I mean, yes, there are girls who are cut - we don't like her, she's outta here - but mostly it's just where they fall on the list.

This split rush system is being used on a couple campuses - Illinois and Iowa are two I can think of. My understanding is that retention rates go up a lot by giving the girls a breather. I think a lot of girls who say screw it, I'm done, will have a different opinion after they've had a chance to return to normal life for a few days. That house that seems completely unacceptable seems perfectly fine when they see chapter members walking around on campus and they don't have horns or tails.

[MomofPNM11]

Thank you so much for wonderful support and advice, Wavy and Dubai!

Lindsey called me when she was about to get ready for her House Tour party today. She was a totally different girl! She is fine now and happy to be going forward.

If I weren't posting in real time, I probably would have left Lindsey's emotional breakdown out of the story, but that wouldn't give other PNM's and their moms a realistic view of the ups and downs of recruitment.

Anyway, this thread is serving as my therapy, which I won't need after recruitment is over. I have no one else to really talk about it with. My husband wanted Lindsey to pick a certain sorority because they have the same colors as his favorite football team. Umm... yeah that's how it works.

[scrapcat]

My daughter is at Univ. of Iowa. They break rush into two weeks as well. It will all start next week. I think your daughters reaction is perfectly normal. My oldest went through rush several years ago at a mid-size mid-western school. Even though the greek system wasn't huge, she was still cut after first rounds and she also felt like quitting. She stuck it out, got 3(!) pref round invites (two houses she really liked and one failing house) Got into her first choice! oh and that "failing house?" it closed that following January. Very sad.

[tigerfanx5]

It's 5 o'clock somewhere! Hope that all you anxious moms can relax for a bit!

[MomofPNM11]

Ya know, Tigerfan, it is Friday and I think I'm going to pick up a lovely bottle of Pinot Grigio. It's been quite a week. Poor PNM's can't even have a drink (mine BETTER NOT anyway).

[tigerfanx5]

Good! You deserve a nice glass of wine (or 2!) Did you get your plane ticket?

I haven't said this in any of my posts -- I really admire these girls! I don't have many memories of my own rush experience, and I certainly don't remember tears or stress. This is an exhausting process from both sides. Your daughter is doing great, and has such a wonderful attitude! (I'm sure the apple doesn't fall from the tree!)

[momof4girls]

I believe this is the first time Arkansas has extended their recruitment into a second week and I would think the vast number of girls going through is what brought on the change.

My dentist's daughter went through recruitment at Arkansas last year and her mother was there on bid day. I say definitely plan on being there bid day.

[MomofPNM11]

I bought the plane ticket, so I am going to be there next weekend! I'm so excited to see my daughter no matter what happens with recruitment.

[UT Daughter]

Good Luck to Mom and to daughter. I am in the same boat but at a different university. On the outside I am sunshine and flowers...on the inside I am really nervous. I dont remember my mom being like this but then again, everything wasn't so dang competitive. I am glad I only have a boy left. All he worries about is his next meal. Take care!