sigh: my daughter was kicked out of her chapter

[agzg]

Originally Posted by 33girl

I think no-shacking rules are bullshit, and the roommate is a namby pamby little tattletale, but a rule is a rule.

My guess is that there are other reasons your daughter was kicked out that she isn't sharing with you.

I tend to agree but in the roommate's defense, perhaps her boyfriend was being disruptive or rude, perhaps the daughter and her boyfriend were doing things that were certainly inappropriate to do with another person in the room, we don't really know. I could see that if the boyfriend was being a complete jackass to the roommate why she would tattle, it's her room, too, you know?

While I lived in the house one of my sisters had her boyfriend over and he left a window open during the winter, and her roommate's fish froze to death. That caused some issues but we never really enforce the no boys rules, only when there's something particularly important going on like during the week before initiation and all the ritual that goes along with it - it would suck to have a sister forget that her boyfriend was sleeping upstairs and have him walk in on a ceremony!

[33girl]

Originally Posted by agzg

While I lived in the house one of my sisters had her boyfriend over and he left a window open during the winter, and her roommate's fish froze to death.

This is LOLsome, but RIP to the fish.

Unless it was something REALLY over the top (like crawling into her bed when he was done w/ the OP's daughter), I still think roomie issues should be resolved between roomies, not in front of the whole sorority/standards board.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by 33girl

Unless it was something REALLY over the top (like crawling into her bed when he was done w/ the OP's daughter), I still think roomie issues should be resolved between roomies, not in front of the whole sorority/standards board.

I wouldn't be surprised if the other roommate did try to resolve the issue, and it's quite likely that the OP's daughter kept on letting her boyfriend come over. I don't know how traditional sorority houses work in terms of desks and study areas, etc., but I studied primarily in my room. If I ever had a roommate whose sex life prevented me from studying or sleeping, you can bet that she would have heard from me about it. I probably wouldn't have gone to an RA or Standards.

We didn't have a no-shacking rule, but boyfriends really weren't over that much. Since most of the girls in my chapter either had boyfriends who were long distance or had their own places, it wasn't an issue.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Zillini

Please don't go blaming the room mate for being a tattle tale. She followed rules/policies, your daughter didn't. Plus I'll bet the room mate didn't appreciate having a guy in her room all night. After all it was HER room too.

Originally Posted by agzg

I tend to agree but in the roommate's defense, perhaps her boyfriend was being disruptive or rude, perhaps the daughter and her boyfriend were doing things that were certainly inappropriate to do with another person in the room, we don't really know. I could see that if the boyfriend was being a complete jackass to the roommate why she would tattle, it's her room, too, you know?

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

[NutBrnHair]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

AGREE, AGREE, AGREE, AGREE. Excellent points...all of them!

[WCsweet<3]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

Agreed to all of the above. We have man visiting hours for every floor. Any floor that has girl's rooms ends at around 5 or 6 so they can get ready for bed/to go out etc. If you need to study you have till midnight and can use the formal room or dining room. During the day you still need to announce that there is a guy on the floor.
The roommate sleeping situation isn't something we have to worry about since we all sleep on a sleeping porch, but we have outside rooms. Most girls study in them and also have futons or couches inside to make it cozy. I would kill my roommate if I was sexiled from my room. My boyfriend is from out of town and I wouldn't do/have not done that.

[Leslie Anne]

Originally Posted by violetpretty

I liked the no-boys spending the night at the house rule as a collegiate and I like it now. First, it is a risk management liability. Sorority houses are not like dorms, we leave our bedroom doors unlocked, or maybe even cracked open while we sleep. We rightly trust our sisters not to steal from us or cause us harm. Some random guy you bring home from the bar might be a serial rapist/killer/thief.

Second, who is to draw the line to say when a guy is able to be trusted? Does he have to have the "boyfriend" title? Can he be a fuckbuddy who the girl has known since high school? There isn't really a clear place to draw the line on that, and it doesn't seem fair to allow some boys to spend the night and others not. Consistency.

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds. A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them. It's a respect issue, and again an issue of consistency. If I am away for the night, and my roommate would have the room to her self, it doesn't seem fair to allow her to have a guy over and not others.

Fourth, if you need to hook up, you can do it at his place.

It all boils down to joining a group and agreeing to abide by the rules of the group. This rule is designed to protect members of the group, as well as be fair and promote respect.

As usual, I agree with Jess on all of the above.

Back when I was a collegian we had the no men above the first floor rule and I liked it. Now, having served on House Corporation, I understand it from a risk-management point of view and I appreciate it even more.

Last time I checked (about 5 years ago) all 26 NPCs were covered by the same insurance company (MJ Insurance) and they lay down the law. Just like alcohol, no men upstairs/in bedrooms is a risk management issue and should be outlined in the housing contract. Basically it boils down to grounds for eviction. Add that to those sororities that have a no men upstairs rule of their own and you have both a housing issue and a standards issue. It would probably take more than one infraction to lead to pulling a pin but you certainly don't want to piss off your roommate, CAB, and House Corp all at once!

[DaemonSeid]

The bigger question is:

Did they use a condom?

[agzg]

I would agree with that - but that's the mature adult solution of the problem. You gotta remember that it's about a 50/50 split, half the chapter goes about things in a mature way and half acts like whiny sniveling babies about EVERYTHING. The roommates with the fish worked everything out that year, then decided to live together off campus (never should have done that) but they still didn't bring any of their drama into chapter.

Meanwhile, someone looks at another member (who was on exec) cross eyed and lands herself right in front of the standards board.

And yes, RIP to the fish - she'd had him for three years. I can't remember his name but he was SUPER important to her, lol. She still keeps a fish in a bowl, actually. But now she has a cat and a dog to go with it. We ended up living down the street from one another in Pittsburgh (total fluke but it was AWESOME) and I took her cat and fish once while they were on vacation - I locked the fish in my bedroom because I knew I would not be able to face her if I had let the cat eat the fish, lol!

[Elephant Walk]

I wasbabout to say, is it normal to kickout people for letting their boyfriend stay the night?

I've shacked at certain sorority houses multiple times.

[Munchkin03]

Originally Posted by Elephant Walk

I wasbabout to say, is it normal to kickout people for letting their boyfriend stay the night?

There's something else that the OP isn't saying or doesn't know. Shacking probably isn't an ejectable offense, after the first time, without some other mitigating factors.

Perhaps her daughter was blowing rails in her room with the boyfriend, using coke that she bought with chapter money!

[BadCat25]

As I said, nobody pays any attention to our no guys in the rooms policy but I almost wish we did. I have to find somewhere else to sleep when my room mates BF stays over which is a bummer and a couple of weeks ago I went into the bathroom on Sunday morning and one of my sisters was in the shower with some guy. I thought that was a bit much.

[GammaPhi88]

BadCat25, I don't want to chastise, but I really don't think you should be airing stuff like your above post on the internet...if I were a member of your chapter, I would be pissed that that was online.

I have to agree with everyone who said that there was more to the story. Chances are that the OP's daughter was way more of a risk management issue than she let on. As risk manager for my own chapter, I know that it takes way more than one isolated shacking incident to terminate membership. I would wager that this is the tipping point of many ongoing issues in the chapter with the OP's daughter.

Maybe they found a bong in her underwear drawer and she didn't bother telling her mom that.

[srmom]

AGREE, AGREE, AGREE, AGREE. Excellent points...all of them!

DITTO!!

Third, I really don't want my roommate getting it on while I am trying to sleep. Especially if we have bunkbeds.

EWWWWE!

A lot of women might hesistate to say that it upsets them, because they don't want their roommates to be mad at them.

I must be a total prude! This is just so WOW! She could hate me forever, but NO WAY is that going to happen while I'm trying to sleep!!!

We used to walk down the hall in our towels, be less dressed than that in the shower room, etc. If I walked into the bathroom and some sister of mine was having sex in the shower - OMG!! I probably would have fallen over!