Married women can't join sororities???

[Buttonz]

Originally Posted by AlphaChiGirl

A twist--what about an collegiate who gets pregnant (unmarried or not)?

We've had it and not had a problem. My great great grand big was pregnant when she was going through her NM semester and my great grand big has a son that she had before her NM semester and there were never any problems with either one of them putting in time and commitment and being at events. In fact, my great great grand big was one of the most invovled sisters.

I don't think that SDT has a policy against married women.

[CarolinaCutie]

It honestly depends on the competitiveness of the recruitment and the attitude of the chapter. If it's a highly competitive recruitment, I would think that the general idea would be, "Yeah she's A, B, and C, but we have lots of girls who are A, B, and C who are NOT married." However, I don't think the majority of recruitments work this way.

The chapter may have misconceptions about married sisters, including that you may not want to fully participate in the social aspects of the sorority, that you may not have time to dedicate to their operations and functions, or that you are weird because you are married and want to join a sorority. (LOL I didn't say I believed any of those, just putting it out there.) So I would think that what you would need to do, during recruitment conversations, is do what you can to squelch those misconceptions.

At an appropriate moment in the conversation, you could mention your marriage, and then state that even though you are married, you still have lots of free time, you are still young and like to have lots of fun, you are looking for a way to get involved in college and take on leadership positions, your husband is really cool and likes to have fun also... you know, whatever you think might be viewed as a potential drawback for you. No overkill- just mentioning it will hopefully do the trick. Some scrutinizing rushers may have more questions, and I'm sure you can answer those affirmatively, further demonstrating that you would be an asset to the org. Of course, some rushers will probably just smile and say "yeah" and change the subject. But in the end, that's all you can do! (just being your own non-weird self should get rid of that last misconception!)

I had a sister who was engaged when she pledged and got married in the middle of her new member semester- she also got pregnant and had a baby while she was on the Exec board. She added so much to the chapter and I would hate if we had overlooked her for silly reasons.

[tld221]

a member is a member is a member. if you are down for the cause, you make time for it. single, engaged, or married, traditional, non-traditional. obviously, life happens too - no one is saying "you=XYZ, 24/7."

unless, at the ultra-competitive schools, that is how it is - you eat, breath and sh*t XYZ? someone be honest and say, "yes, my school is kinda like that" because i would imagine at a school where greek life is the law, there are chapters that are 24/7 on their grind and perhaps it wouldnt make sense to initiate someone who has other things in their life (ie. a husband, kids, their work/career even, if they run a business, or a full time athlete/traveller? caring for some other family member, etc) because chances are, they would almost never put the sorority first.

[marriedPNM]

I guess it just doesn't make sense to me when people say something like "Well, SusiePNM is married and would not have time for the sorority... because she's married." I have no idea why that rubs me the wrong way, maybe because that sentiment reflects some archaic idea of a where women should belong in the world. I am married and I am incredibly active on campus, not once has someone questioned my ability to particpate in XYZ organization because of something as insignificant as marriage.

I am pretty much boggled at this concept that I may get rejected for something so dumb, when I know for a fact I would be a dedicated sister.

If you do not mind indulging me a bit more, please keep the comments coming. Thank you!

[dgdramadawg]

Originally Posted by tld221

unless, at the ultra-competitive schools, that is how it is - you eat, breath and sh*t XYZ? someone be honest and say, "yes, my school is kinda like that" because i would imagine at a school where greek life is the law, there are chapters that are 24/7 on their grind and perhaps it wouldnt make sense to initiate someone who has other things in their life (ie. a husband, kids, their work/career even, if they run a business, or a full time athlete/traveller? caring for some other family member, etc) because chances are, they would almost never put the sorority first.

At my school, there are chapters like that. There are also chapters that aren't. That's the nice thing about having 18... they all have different time commitments required.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by marriedPNM

Since this messageboard is comprised of members across the country, how does your region, campus, alma mater react to married PNMs? I am specifically interested in the south. I would reveal the state, but discretion is key and I do not want to run the risk of harming my recruitment chances.

My alma mater is one of the larger state schools in OH.
Some chapters there have given bids to engaged or married girls before.

Usually if a girl came through with a ring on that finger, we all knew she was married/engaged. Most of them indicated it on their rush applications (they're Mrs. instead Ms). So they didn't really have to tell us and we didn't make a big thing out of it.

[SoCalGirl]

I don't think marriage is insignificant or dumb. Which is why I would (actually did) take pause when a maried rushee came through.

[marriedPNM]

Originally Posted by SoCalGirl

I don't think marriage is insignificant or dumb. Which is why I would (actually did) take pause when a maried rushee came through.

I did not mean marriage itself is dumb, just that it is a dumb reason to not consider someone as a quality PNM.

[UGAalum94]

I think being married would affect a PNM's recruitment experience at highly competitive SEC campuses. Perhaps it shouldn't, but being married would set the PNM apart from most of the 18 year-old first year students who are rushing, and it itself will fall into that nebulous area of "fit" for a chapter.

Anything that puts you outside of the typical new member demographic may be a risk that the chapter doesn't want to fool with.

I'm not trying to say that it should have this effect, but I'm afraid it would have that effect.

[AChiOhSnap]

Originally Posted by marriedPNM

I did not mean marriage itself is dumb, just that it is a dumb reason to not consider someone as a quality PNM.

I respect your point, but actually marriage would be a really sticky situation on certain campuses and a perfectly valid reason to give pause in considering an otherwise great PNM.

As a general rule of thumb, campus culture is going to be reflected in the Greek system. If you attend a school with a high proportion of married/older/otherwise nontrad. women, you're probably going to see chapters with a large number of these women as well. However, it's likely going to be a very different scenario if you attend a school where like 99% of undergrads are 18-23 and unmarried.

Here's the deal, and please bear with me as this isn't personal. My campus -- and Greek system -- was highly traditional as are many campuses in the South. The entire time I was there I only encountered TWO nontraditional (i.e. married) students, and neither were interested in sororities. Greek life, at my school, was highly structured around a "typical" student -- the events, meetings, activities, philanthropy were often scheduled starting in the early evenings and potentially going late at night. This kind of schedule is incredibly intense during your new member period.

So if I'm a nineteen year old member of a sorority, and I meet a married woman coming through recruitment, red flags are going to go up all over the place: "Is she going to be able to commit to activities that last all night when she has a husband at home? Is she going to be able to participate in weekend activities or is she going to have take care of household business? What if she decides to have a baby and drops out of the sorority? Is she going to make time to hang out at the chapter house sans husband? Will she tell her husband our ritual? I barely had time for anything else during my new member period -- let alone a husband, so how is this going to work?" etc. etc.

Please note that I don't have these ingrained notions about married women (I'm getting married myself, as it were), so I'll reiterate that this is nothing personal against you and I'm sure you're serious when you say you'd be a great member of a sorority. Honestly, though, it's all about the actives' perception of your committment ability. You can talk until you're blue in the face but still be seen as a committment risk. For the same reason that highly competitive chapters wouldn't bid ANYONE they saw as a committment risk, you might run into some problems.

And AlphaGamUGA has a point. As much as I dislike this mode of thinking, we have to look at the average college freshman or sophomore woman. If you're the only married woman they've ever really encountered at their school, they're going to have a knee-jerk reaction to it: "She's married? I don't know anyone else that's married and my age. That's so foreign to me, I can't relate to that. She's so different. That's so weird."

Immature? Yeah. Reality? Yeah.

But -- and this is my party line to anyone in a sticky recruitment situation -- you'll never really know until you try. Nobody knows what your campus is, and we could be totally wrong even though it's located in The South. If you can be comfortable with the fact that your marital status might, MIGHT be detrimental, then by all means -- go through recruitment. At the very least, you'll have some fun and meet some new people.

[ashleythetao199]

One of my favorite sisters was married when she joined.

[honeychile]

I would definitely say that there was a time when married women were NOT welcomed with open arms during R. I had the opportunity to read meeting minutes from the Forties, Fifties, Sixties & Seventies when I was a collegiate, and trust me, being married was only ONE facet that would keep a PNM from getting a bid. I could say more, but I'm sure each of you who have been initiated know exactly what I mean.

[violetpretty]

I would imagine that all 26 NPC sororities allow married women to pledge. I would also imagine that certain chapters of all 26 NPC sororities have probably have pledged some married members at some point. However, that doesn't mean that AB chapter of XYZ sorority at SEC school will offer a married PNM a bid.

Like others have said, at the competitiveness and more importantly the tradition of the campus. You mentioned that you have a good college GPA, and are involved on campus, so that means you wouldn't be going through as a freshman. At some traditional competitive campuses, merely being a sophomore will be a detriment, nevermind being married.

Reflect on how much time you have or what you are willing to put into a sorority. Are there activities (such as going to fraternity mixers or serenading) that you would find objectionable? How late are you willing to stay to work on your chapter's Greek Week skit? The time commitment required will be different from school to school and chapter to chapter. Can you meet the minimum requirements? Are you willing to go beyond the minimum time requirements?

Sororities want members who will participate in all facets of membership, members who will volunteer for non-required commitments, members who will lead, and members with whom they can relate and develop lasting friendships.

My little became engaged when we were juniors (she joined as a sophomore and we both just graduated), and the chapter was incredibly happy for her. We had a candle passing ceremony for her. She spent (and spends) a lot of time with her fiance but she remained active in all aspects of our chapter.

Depending on the campus (after all we don't know if you are going to an SEC school or a smaller less competitive and less traditional school), you may have a serious uphill battle to get a bid. Talk about why you want to join a sorority. Tell them what you have to offer. Address the concerns that myself and other GCers have brought to light. We can't really tell you what kind of shot you have at this, since we don't know your school, and it is in your best interest to remain anonymous. Just remember, just because sororities CAN bid married women, it doesn't mean they will.

[violetpretty]

Originally Posted by Sperry

Why would a married woman want to be in a sorority anyways? Then you can't whore around like everyone else and you won't be popular.

A married woman probably wouldn't care how popular she is with frat boys, although if she is social, she will probably gain the respect and friendship of fraternity men.

She is probably looking to join a sorority for sisterhood, what a concept!

[1908Revelations]

Originally Posted by Sperry

Why would a married woman want to be in a sorority anyways? Then you can't whore around like everyone else and you won't be popular.

YOu have got to be kiddng me!!

I never knew sorority=whore=popular



ETA
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