Nervous PNAM.

[VandalSquirrel]

Originally Posted by Grad Girl 08

I'm going to insert my two cents here. For some of us who do join post college it's because when we were students there was no way we could have joined. I was a theatre major and spent 40 hours in the theatre weekly. I didn't have time to dedicate to a NPC like it needs to be. So for me, I finnaly have the time to dedicate to a organization that I didn't as a undergrad. Because as a grad student I rarely work on shows because it's all about theory now.

The life of an alumna is completely different to that of a collegian. I have a hard time believing you didn't have time as an undergraduate and now as a graduate student (who I hope has a life outside of school) you have time. Sorority membership for many was a sacrifice during the undergraduate years, and there are a bevy of women (and men) on this site who made it work time wise. I can think of women and men on my campus who worked and went to school, and since they wanted it bad enough made it work. Some of my sisters took five years for school, and managed their membership, an even in professional and graduate school show up for alumnae appropriate events.

There are plenty of other groups to get involved in, why an NPC sorority after graduation? To be blunt, the fact that you didn't try or make time as a student is a huge red flag to me, and for me, works against you.

[KSUViolet06]

Yeah alumna life is MUCH different than that of a collegiate member.

Something else to think about: whether you're looking for what you "missed out on in undergrad."

The events, expectations, and experiences of an alumna are not the same as a collegian, so be certain that this is the type of experience you're looking for.

For example, if you feel you missed out on living in a sorority house and going to mixers in undergrad, then NPC membership as an alumna may not be for you, just because that's not what alumnae do.

[kddani]

Originally Posted by Grad Girl 08

Have I offended you in some way? I'm sorry I didn't mean to. And thank you for the clarification, my apologies. But do feel free to express your opinion. It's important. You won't offend me. I know I’m unorthodox in my methods but I’ve never been one to go into anything blind. Most of the girls encouraged me. They think it’s important to be informed. I love the girls and whether I was to join or not they’ll still be my friends. But I’m sorry if you found something offensive in my methods.

If you read threads on here about Alumnae Initiation, you should understand.

I'll be blunt. A lot of GCers are taken aback, and I might even say offended, by PNAMs who "sorority shop". Many of us feel that sorority membership is a privilege, not a right. The general reason for people not liking sorority shopping is that many of us (myself included), feel that an AI should have a personal connection to the sorority that they're seeking membership in. As opposed to looking to see what groups do AI and going from there.

The main membership source for NPC sororities is collegiate recruitment. That's the lifeblood. Many of us feel that AI should be used to honor people who have made a special commitment/relationship to the sorority.

I could probably go on for awhile, but if you read threads on here (look for ones from several years ago when it really got hotly debated) you'll get the idea.

I'll also ditto that becoming an AI is MUCH MUCH MUCH different that being in the group as a collegian. You are not a member of the collegiate chapter. You are not invited to their events (except for alumnae focused events). You do not do the things that the chapter does. At all. Again, your membership will have little to nothing to do with the collegiates.

You're also likely to run into these feelings from people in real life as well, so if you're going to go about this the way that you seem to want to, you should be prepared for that.

[KSUViolet06]

Some perspective on the issue:

Alumna Initiation is the EXCEPTION and not the rule when it comes to joining an NPC org. Pretty much everyone who joins one, does so in undergrad (like 99.9%). AI is for those women whom the organization feels have so much potential to contribute to the sorority (or in so many ways have already done so), that they should make an EXCEPTION to the normal mode of joining the sorority, and invite her to join at this stage in her life.

I think that being on GC kind of makes people think that being an AI is more common than in it is.

So it's considered offensive to some when people come here talking about "pursuing AI" because really, that's not how they feel it's supposed to be. Some people feel as though if a woman is a good candidate for such an honor, then the sorority should be reaching out to THEM. Not the other way around with women contacting the sorority and ASKING about it.

To be honest, there are alumnae chapters who will probably have similar feelings and be slightly creeped out about being contacted by a woman about AI because they've always viewed it as something that's a special honor, not something that someone pursues because they (for whatever reason) didn't join in college.

So to summarize:

*AI is not the solution for not having joined in college.

*It is not an alternative mode for joining a sorority because one didn't do so in college.

*It's a way for outstanding women to be asked to join as an EXCEPTION to the normal mode of membership (formal collegiate recruitment).

*It may be considered completely presumptuous of you to contact sororities about AI, because they may not feel it's appropriate for women to be seeking out such an exception.

[Zillini]

An excellent explanation KSUViolet, as usual.

Think of AI as a precious gift given out of love, respect and gratitude. Expecting someone to give you a gift because you deserve it is presumptuous. Asking someone to give you a gift is rude. Doing things solely in hopes of receiving a gift is selfish.

[ThetaDancer]

Originally Posted by Grad Girl 08

I'm going to insert my two cents here. For some of us who do join post college it's because when we were students there was no way we could have joined. I was a theatre major and spent 40 hours in the theatre weekly. I didn't have time to dedicate to a NPC like it needs to be. So for me, I finnaly have the time to dedicate to a organization that I didn't as a undergrad. Because as a grad student I rarely work on shows because it's all about theory now.

I don't really understand how some people say their course load was SOOOO heavy there's NO way they could have joined. Right, because those of us who were capable of joining just took slacker courses at slacker schools...it's not like we learned time management skills or anything. I understand that there are other legitimate obstacles but course load? Really?

ETA: I should have read ahead. I agree with the other posts, especially VandalSquirrel's points about time management.

[ZTA72]

Originally Posted by ThetaDancer

I don't really understand how some people say their course load was SOOOO heavy there's NO way they could have joined. Right, because those of us who were capable of joining just took slacker courses at slacker schools...it's not like we learned time management skills or anything. I understand that there are other legitimate obstacles but course load? Really?ETA: I should have read ahead. I agree with the other posts, especially VandalSquirrel's points about time management.

I have to chime in here too, just because, I think it is valid to underscore that that there are serious students in collegiate chapters who still find the time to devote to their sororities. My daughters are pre-med as well as some of their sisters. They go to class and study an additional 8-10 hours a day. They also volunteer several times a week which of course takes time. They both have 4.0s taking some unbelievably difficult courses. They attend their chapter socials, etc and just spent 36 hours awake and on their feet at Dance Marathon. It can be done!
/end of rant...and I'm only on my second cup of coffee.

All of this to say, we can't reclaim the past, or recreate/remold our college experiences.

[PJS]

Originally Posted by kddani

I'll be blunt. A lot of GCers are taken aback, and I might even say offended, by PNAMs who "sorority shop". The general reason for people not liking sorority shopping is that many of us (myself included), feel that an AI should have a personal connection to the sorority that they're seeking membership in. . .

You're also likely to run into these feelings from people in real life as well, so if you're going to go about this the way that you seem to want to, you should be prepared for that.

Originally Posted by Zillini

Think of AI as a precious gift given out of love, respect and gratitude. Expecting someone to give you a gift because you deserve it is presumptuous. Asking someone to give you a gift is rude. Doing things solely in hopes of receiving a gift is selfish.

I have only heard of AI twice in "real life" vs on GC. Once was actually in my husband's fraternity. A professor that taught in the major that most of the guys were in took a personal interest in many of them and in the house. After MANY years of his involvement in the men and in the fraternity, they conferred a special status to him so he is now considered an alum. He was probably in his 50's at the time and he did not pursue it! The other time was a well loved and long time NPC housemother that became an alumni initiate.

I know there are only two data points here, but do you see the theme? These two people had contributed to the organizations for years with no intent of this reward. Alumni status was conferred as a high honor and a way to convey heartfelt thanks.

I honestly don't know if my own NPC does AI, but if a grad student or young married gal approached my alumni group about it, I think we would give her a blank stare. Nothing personal, but it. . . just. . . isn't. . . done. . . at least where I come from. And to quote someone from earlier in the thread--it kind of creeps me out.

[33girl]

Originally Posted by Grad Girl 08

I know and thank you for the warm welcome. I know to expect a long process and I think I've narrowed it down to three. Two that are on my campus and one that isn't. Two of our four sisterhoods don't allow grad students and I completely understand that! I've meet girls from all the chapters and think we have some of the sweetest greek girls in the world on our campus! After meeting the girls I went the main websites and found out who allowed AI's and who didn't. After that I started researching other sisterhoods who allowed AI and found a third one that I liked their standards and what they stand for. Now I'm in the process of figuring out how to go about I guess it would be called rushing? even though I'm not a undergrad. I don't know if I can go through the local college chapter or do I go through an alum chapter.

Unless you met girls from the ALUMNAE chapters, it really doesn't matter how sweet they are. The collegians will not be the ones voting you in.

I'm enclosing the only thing that could make this thread not blow chunks.

[KSUViolet06]

Originally Posted by PJS

I have only heard of AI twice in "real life" vs on GC. Once was actually in my husband's fraternity. A professor that taught in the major that most of the guys were in took a personal interest in many of them and in the house. After MANY years of his involvement in the men and in the fraternity, they conferred a special status to him so he is now considered an alum. He was probably in his 50's at the time and he did not pursue it! The other time was a well loved and long time NPC housemother that became an alumni initiate.

I know there are only two data points here, but do you see the theme? These two people had contributed to the organizations for years with no intent of this reward. Alumni status was conferred as a high honor and a way to convey heartfelt thanks.

Right, and this was exactly the point I was trying to make. Most of the AIs that I know in real life contributed to the sorority then were ASKED to join. They did not seek it out. Either that or they were someone who had pledged us at some point, but had to depledge due to some extreme circumstance.

This is not to say that I am against AI at all. I think the women who have joined my sorority via AI that I know of are pretty great. I just would really like for those who are interested to understand that the process is not the same as collegiate recruitment in the sense that it is not a REGULAR route to membership. It's not something that is a norm. Heck, there are some ACs of my sorority who probably wouldn't know what you were talking about if you mentioned it because it's just THAT uncommon.

[nittanyalum]

Originally Posted by Grad Girl 08

I'm going to insert my two cents here. For some of us who do join post college it's because when we were students there was no way we could have joined. I was a theatre major and spent 40 hours in the theatre weekly. I didn't have time to dedicate to a NPC like it needs to be. So for me, I finnaly have the time to dedicate to a organization that I didn't as a undergrad. Because as a grad student I rarely work on shows because it's all about theory now.

Well, jeepers, then, ok, that answers all of my questions, you're right, you should be IN! You were busy as an undergrad? Really? Gee, that sounds so unusual. That IS a special exception I bet. Hey, good luck with your "rushing" the national orgs. I bet it'll be everything you're expecting it to be and it'll be JUST like you didn't miss those precious 4 years of active undergrad membership. Hope your Big Sis spoils you bunches!

[LadyLonghorn]

As far as I know, none of the four groups at TAMU-C (KD, Alpha Phi, Gamma Phi and Chi O) allow grad students to initiate as collegians. It sounds as if you are now seeking an undergrad experience as a grad student and that isn't going to happen. Alumnae initiation is a completely different thing and alumnae do not hang out with nor participate in daily collegiate chapter operations. I think you are quite confused about what you are looking for.

[lake]

Originally Posted by LadyLonghorn

It sounds as if you are now seeking an undergrad experience as a grad student and that isn't going to happen. Alumnae initiation is a completely different thing and alumnae do not hang out with nor participate in daily collegiate chapter operations.

So true. All but one of the women in my group are old enough to be my mother. It’s a very informal group that meets once a month and the focus is primarily social, although they are involved in some community service projects. Are you OK with socializing with women who are more than likely older than you, and with whom you have nothing else in common with except your sorority affiliation? Because active alum participation is definitely not the kind of social experience you would’ve had as an undergrad. There aren’t any college “hi-jinks”, we don’t have socials or exchanges with other GLOs, and while everyone loves the sorority, they have children, grandchildren, husbands, aging parents, and a whole host of other things going on. It’s not glamorous, but that’s OK. I’m willing to bet most people would consider our get-togethers (gasp!) “boring”. So you wouldn’t necessarily experience the same kind of sisterhood or even support that you would expect if you were an undergrad, maybe living in the house, where any number of people could/might drop everything to “be there for you” however you needed/wanted them to. Does that make sense? Also, where I am, the local Tri Delta collegiate chapter was closed a couple years back, so there’s not even a collegiate chapter nearby, and the resulting bitterness and hard feelings by the local alums of that chapter has resulted in their decreased participation. So yeah, it’s definitely not college!

[icelandelf]

Originally Posted by VandalSquirrel

The life of an alumna is completely different to that of a collegian. I have a hard time believing you didn't have time as an undergraduate and now as a graduate student (who I hope has a life outside of school) you have time. Sorority membership for many was a sacrifice during the undergraduate years, and there are a bevy of women (and men) on this site who made it work time wise. I can think of women and men on my campus who worked and went to school, and since they wanted it bad enough made it work. Some of my sisters took five years for school, and managed their membership, an even in professional and graduate school show up for alumnae appropriate events.

There are plenty of other groups to get involved in, why an NPC sorority after graduation? To be blunt, the fact that you didn't try or make time as a student is a huge red flag to me, and for me, works against you.

I so agree with the post above. I'll be blunt as well. If you went to school (Grad Girl 08) at A&M Commerce, then one of the sororities you're shopping is mine. My very humble opinion, FWIW, is that you didn't make time to pursue greek life while you were on campus. Many of my sisters were busy...beyond busy with studies in everything from performing arts majors to science majors and they still made time to be a part of our organization. I think you saying you had theatre hours 40 hrs/week and couldn't participate is a copout.

[texas*princess]

Originally Posted by icelandelf

I so agree with the post above. I'll be blunt as well. If you went to school (Grad Girl 08) at A&M Commerce, then one of the sororities you're shopping is mine. My very humble opinion, FWIW, is that you didn't make time to pursue greek life while you were on campus. Many of my sisters were busy...beyond busy with studies in everything from performing arts majors to science majors and they still made time to be a part of our organization. I think you saying you had theatre hours 40 hrs/week and couldn't participate is a copout.

I agree.

Like many of my own sisters, I was involved in many different organizations - in addition to full time course loads with difficult majors AND working 30-40 hours a week.

We all made it work. There is no reason anyone else couldn't.