Spouses of Ques

[SoEnchanting]

Originally Posted by DSTCHAOS

QuietStorm236
I don't know how long it will take for an Omega (probably Wolfman) to respond, so here's my take on it.

Talk to your husband first, as ladygreek stated. Tell him that you understand that he's experiencing something new and that it's so exciting for him. Tell him that you are also excited for him but do not want to feel lonely and alienated. Discuss your expectations of him and his expectations of you and whether expectations have changed now that he is an Omega. Hopefully they haven't changed but rather include a new commitment.

I assume he's graduate chapter. The wives of the graduate chapter brothers may be really nice and there might be events where you can mingle with them. It's a good idea to find people who can relate to your experience (without you giving them a sob story, of course) and attend some events so you can appreciate how hard your hubby works for Omega.

QuietStorm, I just want to reiterate that DSTCHAOS gave a wonderful response here.

I actually am Greek, and was Greek long before I met my s/o and before he joined is graduate chapter, so while I can't completely relate to your post it reminded me of my initial feelings of insecurity when he first joined his fraternity, which is a part of the NPHC. I am in a multicultural sorority, which is relatively unknown to his older brothers. It seemed like most of their wives and were NPHC as well. I really wasn't sure how I'd be accepted by everyone, if at all. And to keep it real, deep down, I was afraid our relationship might change now that he had found all these new people.

The first step here is realizing that it's not about him and his organization. It's about you and your insecurities about a part of his life you have no control over. This is something you need to either work out on your own, or discuss with him ASAP. I think if you don't it will have implications throughout the rest of your relationship together.

Anyway, to finish my story... At the end of the day, I knew this was something that was important to him (because I know how important it would have been to me). And because of that, I made sure that I supported him. I put my best foot forward and attended events. And I can honestly say that I've gotten nothing but love and respect from each of his brothers, as well as their mates. Everyone has been super nice and if anything this experience has brought us closer. His extended family has become my family (or inlaws? lol), in a sense.

It worked out fine for me, and I hope you are able to make it work out for you.

[Wolfman]

I want to tread carefully in this response but I will give this opinion: this is not a Greek issue as much as it is a relationship issue. In my past, I've seen similar dynamics most often in terms of the Christian context. I've talked with a husband who feels the same way when his wife "gets saved" and her love for God and his Church is perceived as threatening or displacing the relationship with the husband. Or a call to the ministry and the outworkings of the decision to follow that call can have the same effect. Or it could be the birth of a child in a relationship may be seen as drawing away the time, attention and love for the spouse to the detriment of the relationship.

Relationships are dynamic;we grow and change. Our relationships have to be deep enough and malleable enough to be renegotiated as we go through life changes. It's about trust and a shared vision of life together. Communication is the key, as many posters have rightly opined.

One a more personal note as it regards fraternity life, I've seen Brothers who loved Omega more than their wives. I met a Bruh at a picnic in LA whose wife hated the Fraternity because he used to put hanging out at the Frat house in the NJ town they lived in before they moved for her job before family time. One Saturday--their family day--after he came back from "bein' owt" at the Frat house instead of spending quality time with his wife and daughter, he found all his s@#t out on the porch, his wife angrily telling him, 'If you love your brothers so much you need to go live with them.' This is an extreme case. Most neophytes learn how to incorporate their newfound love--Omega--into their domestic life. In fact, in my experience of almost 30 years, Omega tends to be very family oriented. A older once told me that he was very suspicious of Brothers who isolated their families from their life in the Fraternity. It's expected that Brothers know each others spouses and children and they socialize together in appropriate contexts.

This is another life change which has to be incorporated into the warp and woof of the changing tapestry of your relationship, by mutual consent and work.

[ladygreek]

Originally Posted by Wolfman

I want to tread carefully in this response but I will give this opinion: this is not a Greek issue as much as it is a relationship issue.

Thus my trepidation.

[darling1]

Wolfman and many other posters gave you some great advice. SPEAK TO YOUR HUSBAND. This is new territory for the both of you. Remembering when I dated a guy while he was online for Omega, it is weird entering this 'new world'. Things he couldn't share with me when in the past he was always so open. It was hurtful but in time I got over it.

The key here is communication. In my opinion, your marriage is first.PERIOD. You have a made a covenant with God. With that being said, give him time to enjoy and get used to the newness. He may surprise you. Prayerful, there are brothers who can advise him how to navigate these waters. Communicate with your spouse your feelings and concerns but also as someone said, take the initiative and invite some of the other brothers and their wives over from time to time OR get to know some of the wives and hang out with them w/o hubby.

It does sound like this is more about you and he than it is about him joining a fraternity. Come to him in love and I am sure things will eventually work itself out.

Be blessed.

Originally Posted by QuietStorm236

My husband just joined your fraternity. I am not greek. How do I fight this feeling of exclusion, now that he has a whole new world of line brothers , protocols and acquaintances that I know nothing about?

I am proud of his accomplishment, but can't help but feel like an outsider now.

[darling1]

Originally Posted by Alias_01

I have line brothers who are married with kids and it becomes diffcult to manage the two when you are excited about being a neo and want to BE OWT with the bruhs. There really needs to be ALOT of communication between spouses. I have seen my LBs get into arguments with their wives because they are not explaining to them the importance of going to events and meetings and that the frat is not a social club but a large committment. Alot of women, especially non-greek just dont understand this...which leads them to think the worse when their man is hanging out with his frat brothers.

its a shame that this happens. joining a fraternity or a sorority is a huge committment in terms of time and money. sounds to me that here is an example of there being a lack of communication b/w a husband and wife.

[AKA_Monet]

Originally Posted by QuietStorm236

My husband just joined your fraternity. I am not greek. How do I fight this feeling of exclusion, now that he has a whole new world of line brothers , protocols and acquaintances that I know nothing about?

I am proud of his accomplishment, but can't help but feel like an outsider now.

My husband is not greek. But he is a graduate of Morehouse College. He was very familiar of all the NPHC fraternities. In fact is mother and father are part of the Blue-Phi family (Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc.-Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc.)

I come from a very strong Phirst Phamily (Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc-Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc.)

I concur with what everyone has already told you, I think you can benefit from some research on your husband's fraternal history. It needs to be your pursuit. Because it seems that the more you learn from your husband about his choices, the more you will see why he choose to pursue Omega Psi Phi Fraternity, Inc.

You see the parties and the carousing... But in closed meetings, you might not witness, there would be wonderful community plans... Hey, I saw extraordinary Omega men who stood in as family during a wedding I shared with one of my Sorority sisters and an Omega brother.

My husband has difficulties with my chapter duties, but then hey, I can imagine many of my Sorority sister's husbands' ask questions and my Sorors husband's are greek!!!

But, my parents tell me that their involvement can be balanced. I don't see how right now, mainly both of my folks are off and running to chapter activities EVERY weekend!!! But the kids are out of my folks house...

For a young family, I would think the chapter needs to organize or collaborate on more "family friendly" activities... That can EASILY happen...

Just never ask me about when the Alpha brothers decided to help Santa Claus build my toys when I was little girl and sing Silent Night... That inflatable jumping ball never worked after that...

[20PearlGirl]

Originally Posted by pinkies up

You could become an English tutor for GC. By the looks of this post, ^^^, you wouldn't even notice your husband's absence.

LMBAO!!!!

Agreed, that was quite painful to read.

[5Knowledge1913]

Why not join your own organization and form your own network of friends instead of trying to fit in with his frat?

[IVY BEAUTY]

Originally Posted by QuietStorm236

My husband just joined your fraternity. I am not greek. How do I fight this feeling of exclusion, now that he has a whole new world of line brothers , protocols and acquaintances that I know nothing about?

I am proud of his accomplishment, but can't help but feel like an outsider now.

My best suggestion is for your to find something to do with your own time. Your husband is still your husband. However, he has chose to dedicate some of his time to the manhood of Omega Psi Phi. The best thing to do as a supportive wife, is to continue to support him. But make sure you find something for yourself to do....even if it deals with helping with their events. Sometimes a woman touch is needed. :-)