HELP! Auburn PNM question!

[texas*princess]

I would advise your daughter to decline the bid from the brunette group (or redheads) because I wouldn't want her to feel out of place... and to try re-rushing again for one of the Top Four Blonde Sororities as a sophomore in an ultra-competitive rush.

If your daughter was really in it for the "sisterhood/philanthropy" etc that you speak of, she wouldn't care what color (real or not) her sister's hair might be.

Just sayin'.

[carnation]

You know what? I think that when someone is new to an area, they may not know the right language to put their questions in. This mom, who isn't Greek or from Alabama, is trying to do the right thing.

It's like on adoption boards where some prospective adoptive parent comes on asking how to adopt and phrases an innocent question in the wrong way, like "How do birthmothers give up their babies?" and the experienced adoptive parents rush into the kill with "Arrrghh! You said "give up"! Nobody uses that term, you idiot, they relinquish them!" This goes on for a few posts and you never hear from the poor woman again, who is probably experiencing infertility anyway and the last thing she needs is an attack from strangers.

Unless a new poster truly gets ugly or demanding here, why would we want to attack them?

[ASUADPi]

Hi! I don't know much about AU rush, except that it is competitive and that getting a bid as a sophomore is tough. With that in mind, I would recommend that you have your daughter sit down and really think about the house that offered her a bid through COR. Have her think back to rush and think about the things she liked about the house and see if she could picture herself being a member of the house. Remember, she didn't get to meet everyone in the house during recruitment. Panhellenic total is 175, our chapter there had 191 in the spring, I say this not to scare you (or your daughter) but to emphasize that she only met, during recruitment, probably 1% of the houses.

I truly hope your daughter thinks and does decide to give the chapter a chance. They saw something that they wanted in your daughter as a sister of their chapter, that say's alot!

Remember, things happen for a reason, and your daughter not bid matching but receiving these bids could be a sign.

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by ASUADPi

Hi! I don't know much about AU rush, except that it is competitive and that getting a bid as a sophomore is tough. With that in mind, I would recommend that you have your daughter sit down and really think about the house that offered her a bid through COR. Have her think back to rush and think about the things she liked about the house and see if she could picture herself being a member of the house. Remember, she didn't get to meet everyone in the house during recruitment. Panhellenic total is 175, our chapter their had 191 in the spring, I say this not to scare you (or your daughter) but to emphasize that she only met, during recruitment, probably 1% of the houses.

I truly hope your daughter thinks and does decide to give the chapter a chance. They saw something that they wanted in your daughter as a sister of their chapter, that say's alot!

Remember, things happen for a reason, and your daughter not bid matching but receiving these bids could be a sign.

Good post.

Many of the decisions that your daughter made during the process suggest that she wasn't interested in simply joining groups that wanted her as a member. She elected to suicide and turn down one COB. She seems to have very strong ideas about what she wants; perhaps you should just turn it over to her to handle.

The other thing you can do is to review the new member list on the Auburn website and see how many sophomores got bids at the groups she is most interested in.

ETA: sorry, the Auburn list doesn't show class standing. My bad.

[AuburnPNMmom]

This describes 99% of the girls rushing at Auburn. But they also grew up in places like Mountain Brook, went to the same schools and their daddies have played golf together at the same club for years.

this is exactly how my daughter described feeling during rush.

No, I DID NOT rush. Forgive the slip of my tongue. I was touched by the young lady who came and told my daughter she was released. I was very impressed with the pi chi system.

I doubt this is the issue at all. You seem much more concerned about
her not being in a lower tier sorority that is somehow beneath her. You know, the ones that have to COR now.
WOW - I have been slapped, I guess. I would rather my daughter be with girls who will be friends for years to come. Since I have never known much about Auburn, I have been fortunate to now know which ones are the tops or bottoms. I was only referring to where my daughter saw herself.

[Tom Earp]

As much as I hate to say it, welcome to Southern Schools recruitment. It seems from all of the reports, very brutal. You are pretty much chosen before hand.

I am sure she is dissapointed, but, that is the way it is!

[UGAalum94]

Carnation, I agree with you. I think generally we should actually try to play nice and give people the benefit of the doubt.

But my goodness, the mom indicated her daughter was using hair color as an indication of comfort level with the group. It's going to be really hard for most folks to tactfully make helpful suggestions.

Is that the same as "give up" verse "relinquish"? Maybe it is.

[AuburnPNMmom]

Thank you EPChick. I feel so much better reading your message. That is how I left it with my daughter. I hope that she will be able to see that herself. It has been so hard listening to her cry and not be able to do anything. Everywhere I have tried to steer her she feels surrounded by girls in a sorority. She also lives on the hill and sees it everyday. I, too, feel that she sould take the opportunity. If this were our state, she would not have had this issue as she and us are well known here. She, however, chose Auburn because of all the schools we visited, she loved it the best. She also wanted to go where she could be known as herself and not by our family name. We never even looked into how hard rush would be. We thought we did all the right things. I say we, because I tried to help us get her recs, clothes,etc for rush. I don't know what a helicopter mom is, I found this forum by doing an internet search for Auburn Sorority Rush Experiences and this forum came up.

[UGAalum94]

Did you wear pink sequined pantyhose to first round, by any chance?

[texas*princess]

Somehow, I can't help but think of the Sweet Valley High twins recruitment thread.

[epchick]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

I hope that she will be able to see that herself. It has been so hard listening to her cry and not be able to do anything. Everywhere I have tried to steer her she feels surrounded by girls in a sorority.

And hopefully she will see that, but also realize she might not.

I've been there, when i was a senior in HS i desperately wanted to be a cheerleader. But I didn't make it, and I couldn't realize why--i mean i had better jumps than some that made it, and i was friends with a lot of the girls etc. My mom had to stop me and realize "why," why did i want to be a cheerleader? For the status, because i love cheerleading?

I dont know if you have, but try and "sit her down" and ask her "why."

-Why does she want to be in a sorority?
-Does she want her Top 4, just for status?

Maybe after actually having that chat with her, will she might realize that she's not giving all the sororities a fair chance.

Rush is artificial. It seems like we might fit in with ABC sorority perfectly and not in XYZ, but after rush we see that ABC really aren't what they appeared and XYZ has a great sisterhood.

I hope everything works out well for both you and your daughter.

[AuburnPNMmom]

Gosh, I am sorry I religated my daughter to just being blonde. It was just a way to describe the individual so you could possibly help discern the advice to give me in helping her. She is a beautiful girl who has never face a lot of disappointment so this was a big blow. Yes, she is trying to accept that where she thought she would fit in best did not happen. Not even having had time to process that, she is dealing with choices that terrify her because it will affect her time at school I want her to be where she will fit best, but I also hate to see her gamble with what appears to be very slim chances next year. *sigh* I hope I did'nt make anyone mad by using this forum. It looked to be a pretty friendly place where I might get some helpful advice. and I have. I am deeply appreciative for those who have genuinely tried to help.

[AuburnPNMmom]

LOL - That is great - pink sequined panty hose?? No, none worn....ever.....

[UGAalum94]

Originally Posted by AuburnPNMmom

LOL - That is great - pink sequined panty hose?? No, none worn....ever.....

It was a joke based on another thread. It was a story about recruitment involving VIPs.

There's no problem with your daughter being blonde, but let's be honest, is her being blonder than the groups who want her really the way you want to frame her priorities? In retrospect doesn't it make her look kind of bad?

I understand that you want her to be happy and take advantage of the chances she's got. Wanting to know the number of sophomores seems like a reasonable question to me, but the additional information presents the overall issue more poorly than you probably wanted it to.

Is it the end of the world that we got the wrong idea? No, it doesn't matter at all. But it might be better to err on the side of presenting your daughter in the absolute most positive light.

Here's what's likely to be the first impression you've created of your daughter's behavior and our reactions:

Limited herself to four groups: bad, reduces chances of a bid she wants.

Suiciding: bad, reduces her changes of getting a bid.

Mis-matching but turning down a COB: bad, reduces her chance of being a member

Maybe turning down a second COB: bad, reduces her chance of being a member.

Promoting the idea that she's such a big deal this never would have happened in her home state: bad, creates the impression that you don't think Auburn groups know what to look for in members.

So while wanting to know about sophomores is a valid question in and of itself, trying to see what the chances are that your daughter will get a particular bid next year, while somewhat understandable, is beyond the scope of anything we can help you with AND with the additional information that you've provided might make people reluctant to be helpful because your daughter doesn't have what we'll refer to here as Panhellenic Spirit.

She only wants certain groups. This year they didn't want her. Your re-cap makes clear she wasn't interested in two or three others. We have no way of knowing if the groups she wants will be more likely to want her next year or if she should just take the bid she's been offered.

[AuburnPNMmom]

epchick.
Yes, I have had quite a few discussions with her. some not too nice but pretty hard trying to get her to have an open view and get over her preconceived notions. I am hoping that she will do as her heart tells her. She likes the girls she has met - she is worried because she has only met a few and not all - and her roommate is dissing this sorority and trying to convince her to wait. This is what I am trying to get her not to listen to